I don't want people to have children if they don't want them either. But there's lots of evidence showing that women report that they want more children than they are actually having. In fact, in the UK at least, if women had as many children as they reportedly say they wanted, then the UK would be at the 2.1 replacement rate. Part of the problem is that they're encouraged to wait to have kids, but infertility increases with age, so many are getting to age 30 and either can't find a suitable mate, or simply can't have kids.
I'm gen x, so I was part of the first generation that was told to wait to have kids. But now that I've been though it (we waited until we were in our 30's) I can say that it's a dumb idea. If you're going to take, say, 5 years out of your career due to having young kids at home, then financially it really doesn't matter if you do that from 25 to 30 or from 30 to 35 years old. But health-wise it matters a lot. Statistically you're much better off health-wise to have kids in your late 20's than in your early 30's, and that goes for both men and women. I'm not saying you *can't* make it work, but both my wife and I agree that we waited longer than we should have. And no, neither of us regret having kids. It's one of the best choices we made.
The idea that you're sacrificing your career if you have kids early... doesn't hold any water. Heck, my wife's mom started a family when she was a teenager (not recommended) and after her kids were grown she went to university, and then got a master's degree, had a rewarding career with a great pension, and retired to a million dollar home near us. She'll also know her grandkids for a lot longer than we'll know ours, if we ever get to meet them.
You're exactly right. If you ask anyone why people aren't having kids, they will say money, because they want the system to give them money. But there are several facts that clearly disprove this: 1) poor people have more babies than wealthy people (Elon excluded), 2) people in the past managed to raise kids on far less income than the average income now, and 3) there are many countries, like Finland, who instituted generous parental supports, and it barely moved the needle.
If I could compare and contrast our society today with the society I grew up with in the 80's and 90's, I would say a huge difference is that society has de-valued parenthood, and motherhood in particular. Stay-at-home moms in the 80's weren't looked down on. If you *dared* to suggest that a SAHM was "sitting around all day" you'd get an earful from both women and men. Being a mother was recognized as a pretty high status role in society.
These days women themselves look down on mothers and motherhood. It's a weird change.
We also had more examples of positive parental role models on TV. I get that Bill Cosby in real life was shown to be a piece of shit, but the Cosby Show itself portrayed some pretty great role models of good parenting. Parents in the 80's aspired to be that good. Nothing on TV these days comes close.
You get what you celebrate, and it's been a long, long time since we really celebrated the importance of motherhood in our society.
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