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This discussion was created by bethanie (675210) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

An open reply to NeeNee3 More

An open reply to NeeNee3

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  • Oh? (Score:2)

    by ryanr ( 30917 ) *
    But I'm pretty good at keeping private stuff private. I don't believe in letting my pain out there for all the world to see.

    Uh... this is the public stuff?

    If you take a look at my big collection of almost no journal entries, that's how you keep stuff private. ;)

    Not that I mind in your case, of course. I've got as much morbid curiosity as the next guy.
    • Yes -- it's private. But it's in that "declassified private" category now. When it still hurts, it's too private to talk about. I totally concede your point. I got trolled (and I knew it at the time, too).

      ....Bethanie....
      • Keep your chin up, girl. When Reza left me, I thought I was going to kill myself. Lord knows, I wanted to. But, as you say, I love life too much to check out early. Plus, I love my kids more than that. They deserve better. I have no doubt that somewhere out there is someone who will show you the affection and respect you deserve. It's all anyone wants, right?
        • Thank you! :-D

          Actually, my chin is *very* up. It's not just about the guys wanting to take me out ('cause they're *totally* coming out of the woodwork, I tell ya!!), but it's about *finally* having enough love and respect for MYSELF to make this bold move.

          Feelin' a little naked here (it doesn't hurt, but it definitely shows some vulnerability), so I really appreciate your comments. :-)

          ....Bethanie....
          • You're welcome! :-) I hope you find what you're looking for.

            For me, the hard part is, I still want her. ;-( Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, ya know? That's all we can do...
  • I know you don't like me, NeeNee, and I'm not sure what spawned such an aversion

    That's easy. Some women are raised like nuns, so when they see someone promiscuous*, they get labeled as a 'slut' and treated as such. Its actually pretty typical, and I'm a bit surprised that you weren't aware of it. We could also play the divorce card. From your journals, you spell out that you left your husband cause you weren't getting enough sex. I'm sure its more than that, but you haven't really explained that in

    • From your journals, you spell out that you left your husband cause you weren't getting enough sex. I'm sure its more than that, but you haven't really explained that in your journals, and really played the 'not enough sex' in the latest few. That's enough for a lot of religious/spiritual people to hate you.

      For the record, that does not apply to me. Yeah, I'm religious and all that, but I also know that two people sometimes just aren't meant to get along in marriage, and sex is just a part of the relatio

      • Eth, for what it's worth, I've never caught so much as a whiff of judgment from you. You are completely in the clear, darlin', and I appreciate your well wishes.

        ....Bethanie....
    • FK, I don't know NeeNee well enough to know that your assertions apply to her in the least. She actually seems, from glimpses here and there, to have a pretty healthy sexuality. (Flirting with at least one of our zoo members here and what with "fancies" getting tickled and that sort of thing...)

      I don't need to make ad hominem attacks about her character; I don't know her at all. All I can know is what she's presented of herself here, in this forum (and to be honest, I haven't done much digging to see what

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by Tet ( 2721 )
      For the record, I'm not saying I hate you or you are a horrible person, just explaining the reasons that others look at you poorly.

      I think you're looking at things from your own perspective too much here. I'm no expert on these things, but I'd say you're jumping to conclusions by claiming that a religious upbrining is the cause here. To be honest, I'd say it was one of the least likely explanations. Just MHO.

      • This is not my opinion at all, honestly. I see bethanie as a friend, and I believe she knows this. I just also know a lot of people that don't like her and hypothesize on the reasons for it is all.
        • Yup, FK. We're friends.

          Maybe Tet's just saying that as far as NeeNee's motives go, he knows better. I dunno...

          ....Bethanie....

          • Re: (Score:2)

            by Tet ( 2721 )
            Maybe Tet's just saying that as far as NeeNee's motives go, he knows better. I dunno...

            Nope, I know no better. Like FK, I'm just speculating. It just seemed to me that his conclusion seemed unlikely, that's all...

  • But yeah -- that whole repulsive thing? Yes YES YES!!!! Every time I'd try to seduce him, to try to get something going on, and he wouldn't take the bait... When I'd climb into bed naked with him, and he'd just roll over and go to sleep... When I'd give him one of those kisses that would communicate *very* clearly that there was more than just a kiss on my mind, and he'd reciprocate with only the most fraternal of affection... When I'd crawl across the floor to him on my hands and knees with the remote cont
    • Sounds like you've got a pretty good match there. :-) And good on your wife for tempting you at every possible opportunity!!

      You've made me smile -- I'm pysched that you're so happy!

      For what it's worth, I really did work on trying to resolve this with endless conversations, books, a variety of techniques, (I offered to go to counseling, but he didn't take me up on it for whatever reason[s]), etc. for well over a year *actively* working on it before I finally decided to give up and file for divorce. And k
      • I don't condemn you at all. I an naive (having only been married a short while and not having kids, or many other complications, and still being "newly weds" and all). Despite being a Christian in practice and words, I do believe that there are times when a divorce is better than staying together. I have an relative, a loving and amazing woman that is/was married to a cranky old bastard or a husband. Emotionally unavailable and self absorbed. They are getting / have gotten (not sure if it is done yet)
    • You are absolutely correct - it is not right. But I think that it is probably one of the most common pathologic behavior patterns in marriage. And I understand how it happens.

      Which is not to say that it is excusable, or not preventable. But a marriage needs work to flourish, including regular maintenance (although it won't seem like "work" once you get into the habit of it). And it is important that both partners realize this, and are willing to put the thought and effort in. In Bethanie's case, she
      • In STB-ex's defense, he was "willing" to try -- he just... couldn't. When it came down to it, he just couldn't be to me how I wanted, no -- NEEDED him to be.

        He talked to me whenever I wanted to talk, and god knows he did his darnedest to try to step up in the bedroom!! But by then, it was just too late.

        I don't want anyone casting aspersions in his direction -- at least no one but me! I have a tendency to oversimplify things -- but he's a good guy, and a great father. I have hurt a lot as a result of his
        • Hmmmm. I did not intend that particular remark in any pejorative sense. In this kind of thing, I do not recognize a whole lot of difference between "willing" and "able" - though you know his capabilities better than I.

          There are people for whom constructive change is possible, and people for whom it is not. The difference is a crucial capability for self-reflection. Making the assumption that he is one of the former is not really an aspersion. That he did not choose to work hard enough to change as you
  • a good facade is always made of real stuff.

    Neenee was out of line. You've stepped out of line on occasion, but not like that. She took a cheap shot and if I had found it twelve hours earlier she'd have gotten downmods.

    Says more about her than about you. Neenee3, you're probably reading this. It's pretty bad when ya can't even troll properly.

    Bethanie, i know how very little my approval means to you, but that doesn't mean you don't have it on occasion.
    • Trolling, Brutal Honesty, and Assholishness are different things. The first is funny, the second is refreshing, the third is usually disguising as one of the other two, but has a very different intent.

      The post says what she wanted it to say and I doubt NeeNee cares about disapproval any more than Bethanie does about approval. So I also doubt people sharing their opinion on it will serve any purpose other than making sure everyone else knows about their disapproval. Funny that.
      • *shrug* I didn't think it would be worth much to anyone. I personally did think it worth saying that i didn't think bethanie deserved the slam, and i didn't think it was classy of neenee to say it.

  • Amen, sister. A clear manifesto for/of Bethanie. The world is populated by those who know everything and have educated opinions about everything; and you happen to run smack into one of those folks.

    First, you have become quite a good writer over the last few years; and I would be remiss if I didn't express my opinion: you should write. You should write about that which you know and have been writing about for the last few years. You should box it up and send it out to every magazine or newspaper editor
  • I'm not going to pretend this last year has been wine & roses in the marriage department for me, either, and I did think about divorce, but we've worked things out. I didn't post about it, partially because all sorts of other shit was going on, and because when I get depressed, I withdraw. Basically, it boiled down to that I want sex more often than he does. Through all of the crap that happened, I figured out that part of the reason I wanted sex so frequently was because it was helping "medicate" my de
    • I'd like to recommend this book [amazon.com]. I read it and it was *really* pertinent to things I was feeling. I tried getting Hubby to read it or talk about it, to no avail -- but at least it helped clarify some things in my own mind.

      Hope things continue going well for you! Thanks for your well wishes. :-)

      ....Bethanie....
      • we've had our discussions, and we're ... at an acceptable sex level for both of us. and zero nights of sleeping on the couch for anyone. ;)

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