Journal Interrobang's Journal: A Peace of Pizza 9
Traipsing on the Thin Line Note: Please remember that the article below is meant as humour, and isn't meant to demean anyone or anything. (disclaimer)
Out of intellectual curiosity, I went to see the rest of the IsraelVisit site (as opposed to the one page where I printed off a useful list of handy Hebrew phrases* -- I'm crawling with nouns, but lacking verbs and other vocab!), and found to my amusement (although I'm sure it makes some sort of sense if you're in the thick of things) that the whole site is veritably festooned with banner ads depicting a soldier's head on the left side and a food item on the right, with the printed slogan (in English): Click here to send a --pictured food item-- to an Israeli soldier on active duty! The two pictured food items I recall were "hamburger" and "pizza."
Well, as I am wont to do when something tickles my funny bone (even for no real reason), I told a friend who Shall Remain Nameless, although if you're a regular reader, you can probably put 1 1/2 and 1 1/2 together and get five. Or something like that.^ Naturally, because Nameless Friend was feeling kind of surreal, he said, (I paraphrase) "Imagine what would happen if you ordered too many pizzas. They'd have to share. It'd be like...
New York Jewish Boy Voice: Hey, yo! You want some pizza?
Stereotypical Arab Voice: How d'I know y'r not gonna shoot me?
NYJBV: I got my hands fulla pizza. Just put the gun down, and c'mon over, already!
SAV: Ok. Hey, how d'I know this ain't full of somethin'?
NYJBV: (Bite sound) Would I eat it if it were? You want this half slice?
SAV: Yeah.
fressing sounds ensue
SAV: You know how hard it is to get good pizza over there on the other side?
NYJBV: That's what you get for trying to start your own country without you should get a good pizzeria first. Hey, you! You guys! C'mon over here and get some pizza!
SAV2: (truculent) Want double shrooms.
Israeli Voice: Me too.
NYJBV: Ok, we got that coming. Hey, Avram! Get us two pizzas, double shrooms. Well, we got one, but the other one's in the oven.
SAV2: I want my own!
NYJBV: Well, you can either share half and half now, or you can wait and have your own later after it's cold. Choose.
A pause, then more fressing noises.
IV: 'S good!
SAV2: Yeah.
And from there it went downhill, with Unnamed Friend proposing that the solution to the problem was composed of equal parts pizza, Coke, hashhish, and buffet-cum-toke session al fresco.
The second friend to whom I mentioned this scenario was slightly more cynical. He said, "Oh, God, that'd be exactly what they don't need! Ever get a pizza you didn't order?!"
Nevertheless, I thought the scenario was chuckleworthy, and considerably more creative -- and less destructive -- than the Irish Boat Solution.
Oh, yes, just as a side note, I should mention that London has hit the big time: We now actually have our own Halal pizza joint. (However, assume that all pizzas in the above satire scenario are vegetarian so everyone's happy...)
* I still have two gaping holes in my rote phrases. I cannot say, "I'm sorry," (general purpose apology suitable for tacking onto "...but I don't speak Hebrew.") or "Where's the bathroom?" As I learned from my former Japanese prof, Dr. Barry Stebbins, never learn a foreign language without learning to say "Where's the bathroom?" very early on. He had to do it the hard way...
^ I told you I suck at math... ;)
Out of intellectual curiosity, I went to see the rest of the IsraelVisit site (as opposed to the one page where I printed off a useful list of handy Hebrew phrases* -- I'm crawling with nouns, but lacking verbs and other vocab!), and found to my amusement (although I'm sure it makes some sort of sense if you're in the thick of things) that the whole site is veritably festooned with banner ads depicting a soldier's head on the left side and a food item on the right, with the printed slogan (in English): Click here to send a --pictured food item-- to an Israeli soldier on active duty! The two pictured food items I recall were "hamburger" and "pizza."
Well, as I am wont to do when something tickles my funny bone (even for no real reason), I told a friend who Shall Remain Nameless, although if you're a regular reader, you can probably put 1 1/2 and 1 1/2 together and get five. Or something like that.^ Naturally, because Nameless Friend was feeling kind of surreal, he said, (I paraphrase) "Imagine what would happen if you ordered too many pizzas. They'd have to share. It'd be like...
New York Jewish Boy Voice: Hey, yo! You want some pizza?
Stereotypical Arab Voice: How d'I know y'r not gonna shoot me?
NYJBV: I got my hands fulla pizza. Just put the gun down, and c'mon over, already!
SAV: Ok. Hey, how d'I know this ain't full of somethin'?
NYJBV: (Bite sound) Would I eat it if it were? You want this half slice?
SAV: Yeah.
fressing sounds ensue
SAV: You know how hard it is to get good pizza over there on the other side?
NYJBV: That's what you get for trying to start your own country without you should get a good pizzeria first. Hey, you! You guys! C'mon over here and get some pizza!
SAV2: (truculent) Want double shrooms.
Israeli Voice: Me too.
NYJBV: Ok, we got that coming. Hey, Avram! Get us two pizzas, double shrooms. Well, we got one, but the other one's in the oven.
SAV2: I want my own!
NYJBV: Well, you can either share half and half now, or you can wait and have your own later after it's cold. Choose.
A pause, then more fressing noises.
IV: 'S good!
SAV2: Yeah.
And from there it went downhill, with Unnamed Friend proposing that the solution to the problem was composed of equal parts pizza, Coke, hashhish, and buffet-cum-toke session al fresco.
The second friend to whom I mentioned this scenario was slightly more cynical. He said, "Oh, God, that'd be exactly what they don't need! Ever get a pizza you didn't order?!"
Nevertheless, I thought the scenario was chuckleworthy, and considerably more creative -- and less destructive -- than the Irish Boat Solution.
Oh, yes, just as a side note, I should mention that London has hit the big time: We now actually have our own Halal pizza joint. (However, assume that all pizzas in the above satire scenario are vegetarian so everyone's happy...)
* I still have two gaping holes in my rote phrases. I cannot say, "I'm sorry," (general purpose apology suitable for tacking onto "...but I don't speak Hebrew.") or "Where's the bathroom?" As I learned from my former Japanese prof, Dr. Barry Stebbins, never learn a foreign language without learning to say "Where's the bathroom?" very early on. He had to do it the hard way...
^ I told you I suck at math...
kinda ironic isn't it? (Score:1)
Kinda funnny in a stubbed your toe on the edge of the door way.
Re:kinda ironic isn't it? (Score:2)
Don't you mean we go through all the hassle of convincing Interrobang to enable comments and this is the best we can do?
BTW, you beat me to the first post. 8-(
Well, I can't say it was a GREAT entry... (Score:2)
But Unnamed Friend and I have been slinging "Click here to send..." jokes back and forth for the last 24h or so. I just wish I could get the meme started on Slashdot...
Click here to send Natalie Portman...
Click here to send hot grits...
Click here to send great justice...
Click here to send a Beowulf Cluster of those things...
Click here to send Linux...
Click here to send Bill Gates...
And of course,
Click here [goatse.cx] to send..., well, never mind what that's going to send...
Sigh...
I just wish my (lame) jokes had more legs.
Congratu-frigging-lations, Em... (Score:2)
Sheesh, now I know how Uncle Arthur Doyle felt after he decided to kill off Mr. Holmes and the public went for his neck...
Hey! (Score:2)
That said, it was really funny, I just tend not to write LOL! sorts of posts.
Just wanted to say... (Score:2)
Both for your journals, which I find are always either thought-provoking or funny, and sometimes both; and for enabling comments.
Again, Thank You.
A little help (Score:2)
Not much for me to add, but as a Jewish guy from Brooklyn who could easily fit into your little scenario, I'll at least tell you those two phrases you wanted to know (my Hebrew isn't great, but these I know):
</weird lesson>
Never Attribute to Interrobangs... (Score:2)
Thanks for the impromptu bolstering of my rote phrase vocabulary. What's your transcription method, Sephardic or Ashkenazic standard? I'd like to know so perhaps (one of these days) I can get the pronunciation right. I knew sleecha already, but didn't realize it could be used for "I'm sorry." I also knew that eyfo is "where." Here's a tough question you're unlikely to be asked by any but the linguistically bent: Why does "bathroom" appear to be a masculine plural noun? (Well, obviously a noun, and masculine is "just because," but why plural?)
Todah and shalom. Or something like that.
Re:Never Attribute to Interrobangs... (Score:2)
And on another Hebrew note, it would be "todah vishalom" (the suffix v means and). Thank you and good-bye.