All pencils and pens should be replaced with nice blunt magic markers.
Have to disagree with you there. You ever smell those things? There's some sort of mind altering chemicals in those things and we don't want our kids huffing Magic Markers and getting high! Just say No to Drugs!!
For math classes or other times when frequent erasing is needed, they can use an Etch-a-Sketch (tm).
Again, I disagree. The plastic can be smashed to make sharp implements to stab other students and that powder inside can be used to cause respiratory failure in a child, which will kill him or her.
Then there's the bus ride. We all know that traffic accidents are the major cause of death among you people, so they can't be driven to school or take the bus. They'll have to stay at home.
It's unfortunate, but school is just too deadly for our children.
Will someone think of the children and close our schools!