[F]ight your way through a mystifyingly complex government bureaucracy for a full day of discipline problems and budget cuts, all for the same pay as the meathead who barely graduated college? Gee, where do I sign up? A couple changes that I think would go a long way towards addressing some of this:
I think you contradict yourself a bit there. Instead of new incentives and a screwy pay structure and testing that kinda sorta shows who the better teachers are, why not just, y'know, raise the average teaching salary to match that of other professions with similar training requirements? That would bring more talented people to the profession, since many of those talented people leave to seek careers where they can be rewarded for their talents, and growing the talent pool would then give schools more range in firing underperforming teachers since they would have more ready replacements.
I mean, "incentives" is basically a way that we say we want it to look like we're giving people higher salaries than what they're currently getting without actually having to pay higher salaries. When a person signs up for a job, they ask what it pays every two weeks - they don't ask what bonus they earn for being voted employee of the month. And a lot of students do the same thing when they select their college majors. Right now, you might earn a good salary as a teacher if you're well recognized and you can teach in the right school district and you can cut a certain amount of politics and you're willing to eventually move up to an admin position (and not to mention in the current climate of cutting education budgets to make up for shortfalls in state budgets, if you can even get a job to begin with), whereas there are plenty of careers to train for where you can just earn a good salary. Your incentives might push current teachers to do a little better, but they won't attract more talented people to the profession.