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"will make the fans spin faster (and louder)" -- Uh, we're talking Macs, so no fans, no matter how much it would make sense, they just aren't "cool enough" for fruit-fuckers.
"IRIX, Solaris, Tru64, AIX, or HPUX" -- Why would I want to waste my time with those dinosaurs? If you can't get performance out of Linux or Windows then you're just not very good at systems.
Brings to mind the Skrillex video where his Mac overheats and shuts down in the middle of a concert. I like fans, they are there for a purpose. If you're just going to run a word processor, you probably don't need a fan, but if you want to do big-boy stuff, you gotta dump Mac.
While "yeeting" (throwing) is new in the last few years, "booking" (running/running away) is old, I remember using that term in the 1970s. So try and keep up!
They haven't done shit for about a decade now, just incremental improvements on existing products (And making their laptops even worse). Then complete fails on all new product development.