Hypothetical Death Match - E-mail vs. the Web 170
netbuzz writes "If you had no choice but to choose, which would you give up: access to e-mail or the Web? Both still exist, just not for you. Read how others are defending their decisions — and how a few just refuse to choose." From the article: "From Stewart Deck: 'The Web has become intertwined into so much that I do and so much that I want to know and learn about that without it I might as well move to a grass hut in Irkutsk. The Web brings me closer to words, thoughts and ideas far beyond my geographical boundaries. I use it for information, education, insight, entertainment, EVERYTHING. ... I certainly enjoy the convenience of e-mail but I think I could put together work-arounds that would hold up reasonably well in its absence.'"
Decisions, decisions... (Score:5, Funny)
Bob's sweating brow arched over the red buttons. Intensely aware of the large calibre handgun just behind his ear and the maniac holding it who was now forcing him to choose which button to press, he was unable to decide whether to remove email or web access from his life. His pleadings to the madman had been to no avail, it had come down to choosing. His hand strained, hovering over the fateful buttons, veins bulging under the skin as his blood pressure rose and his body temperature boiled his brain. The pain of impending loss was too great, made all the more horrible by the knowledge that it would be done by his own hand.
"Hurry up!" Snapped the crazed madman from between rotten teeth and foul breath. "I ain't got all day!" As he prodded the gun forward, digging the heavy barrel into Bob's temple, Bob quivered in fear. He knew from watching Dirty Harry movies that a handgun like that would blow his head clean off, the brain matter he was so proud of scattered over the ground like so much wet, red confetti.
Our geeky hero let out a strained whimper, a silent pleading for someone, anyone, to intervene and save him from this horrible choice. Simultaneous images of mailing lists and blogs swirled in his tortured mind. Finally, a decision took form. It took form with the certainty of the iceberg in front of the Titanic, and just like then, he came to the bitter conclusion that his fate was unavoidable.
Slowly, he turned to the madman. The fear had given way to a stony resignation and determination. He looked the madman straight in the eye and said "Shoot me, asshole."
No contest! (Score:2, Funny)
The Internets and it's vast network of tubes is far superior to email. Porn is on the net, not in email.
http://religiousfreaks.com/ [religiousfreaks.com]Somehow I doubt it. (Score:5, Funny)
Somehow I doubt it. But I'm pretty sure it's expressible as the sum of two primes.
And I'm positive that it's expressible as the product of twenty two or fewer primes.
--MarkusQ
P.S. And to answer the main question, I couldn't do without either. Just the thought of having all that productive time back gives me the heebie jeebies.
I want to say eMail... (Score:4, Funny)
If I had email or the web... (Score:5, Funny)
How about Usenet? Do I get NNTP? Gopher? FTP? Telnet? UUCP?
Christ, what a STUPID question.
Re:Decisions, decisions... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:The web (Score:1, Funny)
thinsoldier,
u forgot to take out the garbage again today. your mom came over to pick up some things and saw the porn on your monitor, yeah that was a wierd situation. Can ya pick up some burgers on your way home from work?
-your roomate
Re:Somehow I doubt it. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Decisions, decisions... (Score:3, Funny)
Once Bob was done with his dramatic thrashing, flailing, sweating, and panic, the IT department decided for him: no email.
One way or the other, Bob would be forced to speak to a human being.
"Better unplug the fax machine, too."