The World Oceans Now 70% Shark Free

wheresjim writes "According to a study published in The Proceedings of The Royal Society, the world's oceans are now about 70% shark free. This is a bad sign for the sharks, the oceans and of course, journalists during slow news cycles."

/. response.

[Janek Kozicki]

Nothing for you to see here, please move along

70% appropriate.

Free jaws' willy

[SirWraith]

I think this means it is time for a half-jaws, half-free willy environmentalists movie. in the spirit of free willy, michael jackson will obviously be chosen for the theme. i see the theme as being, itself, a cross between "beat it" and "don't stop til you get enough." it's probably not a coincidence that this also seems to be his take on children.

Either you're with us you're with the sharks.

[Anonymous Coward]

I am shocked to hear this kind of pro-shark fascism being spewed on Slashdot. As we all know, sharks are vile, evil creatures who are a danger and threat to all life and liberty.

Why do you hate America?

The other 30%

[yobjob]

Are circling around Australian beaches.

Bad news?

[Anonymous Coward]

This is a bad sign for the [...] journalists during slow news cycles.

Unless, of course, this is slashdot, and they can report on bad signs for real journalists...

By volume?

[Toba82]

Does this mean that the ocean is 30% sharks by volume? I AM NEVER SWIMMING AGAIN!

To all alien tourists...

[Secret Rabbit]

... our waters are now 70% shark free! We are now the safest planetary water park in the galaxy for your children! Come now and get 20% off your water slide pass!

Offer only valid in the next 10 minutes.

Is that like 70% Fat Free?

[GrpA]

Because if it is, that means that the Oceans are now 30% shark, 70% water... Not a good mix. GrpA

Batman!

[broothal]

I blame Batman for dumping his anti-shark-spray into the ocean.

(if you get that joke you're really old)

Bad news for journalists during slow news?

[commodoresloat]

Apparently not, as they can just write another story about how there are fewer sharks than before.

Re:The other 30%

[Fire Dragon]

Nope, they went to law-school.

Lazers

[SecureTheNet]

Looks like the sharks with lasers on their heads are slowly taking over.

Re:Bad news for journalists during slow news?

[(negative video)]

Yeah, but if they do it too often the story will ... wait for it ... jump the shark.

Re:Bad for all of us

[Hektor_Troy]

Sure, but what about the poor Austrian fishermen? Why aren't you taking them into consideration with your "facts"?

Re:The other 30%

[jaymz168]

Or are delivering candygrams.

Of course, they left the oceans !

[javaDragon]

Now they live in Lawyer offices.

I starve last

[Ugly American]

And make some plans for what you will do for food in 2012.

I've made my plans; they involve some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Re:Bad for all of us

[tomrud]

> Sure, but what about the poor Austrian fishermen? Why aren't you taking them into consideration with your "facts"?

We should encurage them to get new jobs. In the Austrian Navy for example.

Re:By volume?

[jamesh]

Worse than that, the polar ice melting is exactly balancing out the extinction of sharks. If we didn't have global warming, you'd have to travel much further to go to the beach!!!

Or maybe we could just wring out all the sponges that are sitting at the bottom of the ocean.

Quoth the sharks...

[Kredal]

"So long, and thanks for all the surfers"

Keep an eye out for Vogons, people.

midget sharks

[Mahou]

they prefer to be called little people eaters

Surprised no one else has asked...

[unitron]

So does this decline mean that sharks have jumped the shark?

So I guess this means

[rpjs]

That we aren't going to need a bigger boat after all.

Re:Bloody disgrace!

[pilybaby]

What gives them the right?

That they're higher in the food chain.

Candygram...

[Quiet_Desperation]

In related news, 40% of the Earth's land area is infested with sharks. Scientists blame evolution while religious leaders said it was some god's punishment for something they hate and lots of people enjoy or something.

oblig. fortune

[arabagast]

... So the documentary-makers stick with sharks. Generally, their
procedure is to scatter bleeding fish pieces around their boat, so as
to infest the waters. I would estimate that the primary food source of
sharks today is bleeding fish pieces scattered by people making
documentaries. Once the sharks arrive, they are generally fairly
listless. The general shark attitude seems to be: "Oh God, another
documentary." So the divers have to somehow goad them into attacking,
under the guise of Scientific Research. "We know very little about the
effect of electricity on sharks," the narrator will say, in a deeply
scientific voice. "That is why Todd is going to jab this Great White
in the testicles with a cattle prod." The divers keep this kind of
thing up until the shark finally gets irritated and snaps at them, and
then they act as though this was a totally unexpected and very
dangerous development, although clearly it is what they wanted all
along.
                                -- Dave Barry, "The Wonders of Sharks on TV"

Seems like the documentary people has stopped feeding the sharks