Microsoft Stops New Work To Fix Bugs

An Anonymous Coward writes: "According to this article at Government Computer News, Microsoft has announced a month-long moratorium on new coding, as part of its Trustworthy Computing Initiative. Richard Purcell, director of the company's corporate computing office, said, 'We are not coding new code as of today' [Feb 1, 2002] 'for the next month.' The idea seems to be that Redmond will spend the 28 days of February patching bugs in existing code. Is this a hoax, or maybe just marketing hype? The web site looks to be legitimate."

February?

[bellers]

Sheesh. They could have picked a month with more days. It's not even a leap year.

Reword the title maybe?

[Captain_Frisk]

Maybe I just assume that slashdot is posting Anti - MS stuff, but when I read the title "Microsoft Stops New Work to Fix Bugs", I assumed that they had cancelled some kindof bug fixing project, as opposed to cancelling development to fix bugs.

Ironic..

[Suppafly]

Isn't ironic how all the minorities have to share the shortest month of the year..

lets see february is now Women's History Month, Black History Month, and also Microsoft Fixes Security Flaws Month.. wonder how many more things they can crame into february.

Memo after February:

[mESSDan]

Great news Microsoft Engineers! After our month of hardwork, we estimate that we fixed over 1 million bugs! Of course, the downside is that we introduced upwards of 2 million NEW bugs, but hey, that's what upgrading is for! This is all possible thanks to you!

Thanks!

-- Bill

Vacation

[ruvreve]

So basically Microsoft employees had a bunch of unused vacation time and Bill is forcing them to take a leave of absence during February and go home and apply patches to their windows machines.

FreeBSD is out, MS has to update their code now.

[Myrv]

Of course they have to stop 'new' work. FreeBSD 4.5 came out a couple of days ago. They have have to go back and update all that borrowed code.

spring cleaning

[dsavitsk]

"It's time to get the garage cleaned out," he said.
there won't be anything left ...

Re:Ironic..

[yesthatguy]

I think many slashdot readers would be quick to assert that Microsoft security flaws are not a minority by any stretch of the imagination.

"feature" fixing february??

[Dethboy]

Bugs? I thought they were "Features"

That's what I like to hear

[whovian]

Whew. Looks like I won't have to upgrade from Windows 3.1 afterall! Thanks Microsoft!

I wonder what the result will be

[Niadh]

In 28 days Microsoft will release a 400 Meg "patch file" for all windows versions. After you install this patch the first thing you'll notice is when booting up you get a "MsLILO" prompt. After the 10 second count down you get the message "Uncompressing the New(TM) Microsoft(R)(TM)(don't even think about it) Windows(ditto) Kernel(pending)" and some periods. Then some bad ascii-art MS Windows logo will popup hiding a fast scrolling device detect list by refreshing really fast. After the MS logo goes away Xwindows, err, "The New Windows GUI" pops up a splash screen that says "KDE 2.0" with the KDE part scratched out and a windows logo drawn over it in paint.

Re:Ironic..

[Anonymous Coward]

It striked me that complaining how February is such a short month is like complaining your penis is too short because it measures 8 3/4" instead of 9".

I mean, c'mon, it's two days and every four years your penis gains an extra 1/8".

Amazed they did it at all.

[Chasing Amy]

I mean, it's kind of like those little guys on that Escher endless stairway suddenly deciding to put down their loads and build a stairay that goes someplace, before they continue. Quite unexpected...

Re:February?

[BlueUnderwear]

They could have picked a month with more days.

Yeah, such as April...

It's Feb. 2nd

[whovian]

Uncle Bill saw his shadow today. That means 6 more years of Microsoft.

Re:It's Funny. Laugh.

[Steve B]

Maybe they should set February aside for new projects and devote the rest of the year to fixing bugs.

In other news....

[kruczkowski]

Software giant Microsoft's top software developers all took a 4 week "brain storming" trip to the Bahamas. Details to the confrence are unknown but are rummored to included swiming, tanning and looking for secutity bugs.

Re:February?

[theancient2]

It's all a secret plot anyway. Rumour has it that Bill Gates requested a meeting [cbc.ca] with Canada's Finance Minister Paul Martin [cbc.ca] this weekend. Obviously this security thing is just a cover for the real reason for the work stoppage -- they're packing up and moving to Canada [slashdot.org]. :-)

Microsoft's 28 Days

[jonwiley]

Software Giant Sentenced to Rehab

February 01, 2002

Redmond, WA - In a ruling yesterday delivered by Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly in the U.S. vs. Microsoft antitrust trial, the software giant was sentenced to spend 28 days in the Sunnybrook Corporate Rehabilitation Facility.

Convicted of abusing its status as a monopoly, Microsoft will spend the next month in a bug-free zone and will be required to examine the unlawful and destructive activities of its past in group therapy.

"It's really for the best. Now Microsoft will finally be able to get the help it truly needs," said U.S. Department of Justice spokesman Mark Evans.

Although Microsoft continually disclaims any wrongdoing, the scene turned ugly when U.S. Marshals showed up at Microsoft Corporation's home Friday afternoon. The Marshals had come to take the multi-billion dollar software company to the rehabilitation facility after it failed to show up at the bus station that morning.

After not responding to law enforcement officials' pleas to open the door, the Marshals bust in, only to find Microsoft actively engaged in excluding users of the unpopular and barely used Opera web browser from the Microsoft Network (MSN).

Marshals were able to subdue the giant and dragged it from its home in Redmond. Microsoft could be heard to scream "WE MAKE THE STANDARDS! Tim Berners-Lee can go [expletive] himself!" as it was shoved into a Redmond police car.

"You can't place the blame entirely on Microsoft," said Dr. Jessica Fowler of Harvard Business School. "Microsoft is very sick, and it needs professional care. It's obvious to anyone that the ranting of Craig Mundie [about the Linux OS] was really just a cry for help."

Judge Kollar-Kotelly told Microsoft that the 28 day sentence to Sunnybrook was a minimum. "I'll evaluate your progress after this month. If I see a blue screen in March you are going right back."

An important part of corporate rehabilitation, say the experts, is to be exposed to peers who have similar histories of abuse. Microsoft will be joined in group therapy by Monsanto, Ford, CSFB, and Arthur Anderson.

Windows NB

[Nindalf]

Redmond March 1, 2002 -- MS Releases Windows NB

Bill Gates himself returned to his role as MS spokesman by holding a surprise press conference announcing their latest product, Windows NB.

"It stands for Windows (with) No Bugs." Mr. Gates began his speech with, "After an intensive month of effort, we have corrected every implementation flaw of Windows XP, as demonstrated by our foolproof testing process."

"As we move into the new millennium, the reliability and security of our computers could not be more important," he continued with evident pleasure and pride, "and to that end we are offering all Microsoft customers, who have a legally-purchased copy of any version of Windows, a free upgrade to the new system."

He concluded the main announcement with the rueful comment, "I don't know why we didn't think of this earlier, of course we knew all along that we were just a month away from perfecting the features already implemented, but really thought you all wanted animated menus and custom audio formats more than a system that doesn't let teen vandals take control of your computer whenever it's connected to the internet, or lock up and need to be restarted twice per day. If only people had let us know earlier, we really didn't know it was a problem. Still, we are terribly sorry."

Discussing future designs, he announced the release of, "Windows PI: Perfect Innovation. Scheduled to be released in six months, maintaining the bug-free status of Windows NB, yet adding exciting Microsoft-invented features such as human-equivalent natural-language processing, full archival state preservation, and semi-sentience. It will turn your PC into the perfect secretary, net gofer, and perhaps even a close personal friend."

He was given a standing ovation by every reporter present. Overwhelmed by the gratitude and respect, was seen wiping away tears of joy, and was not the only one. One sports commentator who was filling in for a tech columnist due to the short notice even went so far as to triumphantly spike his laptop, performing a small victory dance, before being informed that MS is primarily a software company, and the free upgrades would not include replacing any hardware.

2002: The Year of Flying Pigs

[RelliK]

First Amazon makes profit, then Microsoft decides to fix bugs. Anyone want to guess what will be next?

(It is an interesting coninsidence that 2002 is a palindrome. Hmmm....)

Re:Microsoft just don't get it.

[mliggett]

Yes, that explains why Unix is so secure. Thank goodness it was designed to use OpenSSH and shadow passwords so many years back. Can you imagine how hard it would be to "add" something like that later, like some feature?

Re:Is This Possible?

[Anonymous Coward]

Is it possible to steer such a massive ship that quickly?

Is that a penguin sitting on that iceberg?

A more likely scenario

[shimmin]

Feb 1-3: wrap up current coding projects to "a good stopping point." Little does Redmond realize a "good stopping point" was Windows 3.1.

Feb 4: distribute memo describing moratorium on new code, effective Feb. 1

Feb 5: distribute memo granting amnesty to coding done on Feb 1-3, but stating that they really mean it this time.

Feb 6: sack those who wrote new code on Feb 4-5.

Feb 7-10: hold committee meeting identifying "Top 10 bugs most in need of fixing in Windows XP."

Feb 11: hold press conference announcing the top 10 bugs they intend to fix by the end of the month. Prominent on the list will be the placement of "close window" right next to minimize, and the oversight that allows users to open web pages using non-IE programs, thereby confusing consumers with additional choice.

Feb 12: distribute memo to technical managers containing the real top 10 bugs, such as buffer overflows in IIS.

Feb 13: un-confuse all personnel who were accidentally exposed to both top 10 lists

Feb 14: all work stops as employees realize they have no personal lives

Feb 15-17: resume de-confusion efforts.

Feb 18-21: programmers research months-old code in preparation to fix the top 10 bugs

Feb 22: easter egg discovered in Access wherein a certain malformed SQL query begins MPEG2 feed of RMS and Melinda "otherwise engaged."

Feb 23: responsible parties for the incident of Feb 22 located, sacked for not using WMA formatting on feed.

Feb 24: some bug repair begins

Feb 25-28: programmers re-acquaint themselves with code written prior to Feb 3, so as to be able to appear competent on Mar 1.

Re:February?

[nizo]

Is March the month where they fix all the new bugs introduced by this month's fixes?

Breaking News!!

[Axe]

Satan is shutting down the furnaces of Hell for a first clean-up since the Dante's inspection. He promises that now it will be an annual Hell freeze-over.

Re:February?

[tzanger]

Obviously this security thing is just a cover for the real reason for the work stoppage -- they're packing up and moving to Canada.

oh Gods, I hope not. There goes the neighbourhood.

Re:Is This Possible?

[tunah]

Is BG a big enough rudder?

Only if you put him in head first.

Re:February?

[Anonymous Coward]

Gerbils don't have claws, that is why they are used!

I hate to tell you this, but you must have been shoving rats up your ass