You know, C.S. Lewis says that as we live our lives out, we are moving in one of two directions. Either we are becoming better people, or we're becoming worse people. Sure, stagnation can happen for a little bit, on the short term, but if you integrate with respect to character from zero to infinity, the trend either goes toward the good or toward the bad.
I agree with him. And, I find myself confronted with the reality on a regular basis that it appears that I am becoming more of a witch every day, instead of some other, more pleasant alternative. I feel like I become more jealous, more bitter, more self-serving, more stubborn and willful, and less godly regularly. Look at my JE from yesterday. It was just an honest assessment of my thoughts from the day before, and if you look at them not even very closely, you realize that I'm an absolute monster.
I know everyone has less than stellar moments and emotions, and perhaps I AM becoming a better person because I'm starting to recognize them, and share them with people, and confront them, and trying to change them, but it doesn't seem that way. If I look at myself as an onion, the more layers I peel off, the more rotten it seems that I am as I get deeper and deeper.
I also know that when you get married, that's about as close as you'll ever be to someone - that's as transparent as you ever get to another human being, and I shudder to think that this is the person that Shimmin knows. It is a darn good thing he loves me, because if I were him, I certainly wouldn't like me.