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snowgirl's Journal: You can't be friends with bullies 38

Journal by snowgirl

If someone is willing to wallow in the mud, calling names, and making fun of someone just because they're different, well... you just can't be friends with that kind of person. What are they saying about you behind your back? What are they going to say about you if you rub them the wrong way?

Better to just cut ties, and walk on by. Bullies will never be good friends, and if you stand up to them, you're just going to get in a yelling match, until you're both hoarse.

It reminds me of the feminists who go beyond equality and turn into man-hating bigots themselves. Trying to solving a problem by becoming the problem is not going to fix anything at all.

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You can't be friends with bullies

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  • Or is it just a bully reference in general?
    • by snowgirl (978879)

      Or is it just a bully reference in general?

      Yes, but I don't want to actually name the specific reference, because it would just escalate the issue. Better to leave it as a general reference, so that we can focus on bullying itself, rather than focus on one particular person, and gang up on them.

      • Yes, but I don't want to actually name the specific reference, because it would just escalate the issue. Better to leave it as a general reference, so that we can focus on bullying itself, rather than focus on one particular person, and gang up on them.

        I think I may have seen the specific occurrence.

        Sometimes I play the situation differently, although your choice is probably better in the long run. Of course just how long the run will be here at slashdot is another matter...

        • by snowgirl (978879)

          I think I may have seen the specific occurrence.

          Anyone who watches me, or takes a deep look into what I've been doing recently will probably find the specific reference. I haven't intentionally tried to bury it or anything.

          Sometimes I play the situation differently, although your choice is probably better in the long run. Of course just how long the run will be here at slashdot is another matter...

          Usually, I play things differently as well, but if someone is bound up in hate about a specific person or people, then nothing you really say to them is going to make a whole hell of a lot of difference.

          • I think I may have seen the specific occurrence.

            Anyone who watches me, or takes a deep look into what I've been doing recently will probably find the specific reference. I haven't intentionally tried to bury it or anything.

            If it is not the discussion I am thinking of, then I probably haven't seen it (I know that is atrociously vague). Contrary to accusations some others have waged against me, I don't follow people around though there are some things beyond just articles that I read here fairly often.

            In other words I saw you in a discussion that was about this far off the main path, with someone who I occasionally converse. If that was the one that you are referring to, then I know what you're talking about. If not, we

            • by snowgirl (978879)

              Not quite the different path I refer to - on slashdot I have been known to occasionally go for the semi-public humiliation path instead. Unfortunately shedding light doesn't always bring the desired outcome either.

              Semi-public humiliation is however an activity of bullies.

              • Semi-public humiliation is however an activity of bullies.

                I guess we differ in opinion on that. Or we differ in our sense of what humiliation means on slashdot. One can't really pants someone on slashdot or use other classic schoolyard techniques of humiliation. One can, however, bring light to really bad posts or similar feats of ignorance/stupidity. I guess whether or not that counts as semi-public humiliation (especially in light of ever-dwindling slashdot numbers) is open to interpretation.

                • by snowgirl (978879)

                  Semi-public humiliation is however an activity of bullies.

                  I guess we differ in opinion on that. Or we differ in our sense of what humiliation means on slashdot. One can't really pants someone on slashdot or use other classic schoolyard techniques of humiliation. One can, however, bring light to really bad posts or similar feats of ignorance/stupidity. I guess whether or not that counts as semi-public humiliation (especially in light of ever-dwindling slashdot numbers) is open to interpretation.

                  Ok, so fair enough... there are some appropriate humiliations that are not bullying. Pointing out how ludicrously stupid a person's argument is, can be humiliating, and is a perfectly valid, and acceptable response. And while one can't pants someone on slashdot; one can post long ramblings of juvenile humor...

  • ...solving a problem by becoming the problem is not going to fix anything at all.

    Exactly so. In fact, it generally makes things worse - sometimes much worse. But it is distressingly common.

    • by snowgirl (978879)

      ...solving a problem by becoming the problem is not going to fix anything at all.

      Exactly so. In fact, it generally makes things worse - sometimes much worse. But it is distressingly common.

      Yep. :(

  • If this is a slashdot thing, I'm pretty sure I know what this refers to. And if it does, the person in question isn't being a bully. At most, being provocative to make a point.

    And if not, well, carry on.

    • by snowgirl (978879)

      If this is a slashdot thing, I'm pretty sure I know what this refers to. And if it does, the person in question isn't being a bully. At most, being provocative to make a point.

      And if not, well, carry on.

      This is why I didn't want to name names. Some people will come to the bully's defense and claim that they're not being a bully. I wanted instead to focus on the general idea of bullying... if you see a bully, defriend them, because all other targets being unavailable, they'll pick on you.

      • by gmhowell (26755)

        This is why I didn't want to name names.

        Too close and too easy to pick up the reference.

        And no worries about me defending a bully. Twenty five years later, and if I managed to get him alone in a quiet alley, there would be blood on my hands.

        • by snowgirl (978879)

          Too close and too easy to pick up the reference.

          I did not ever intend to hide whom I was talking about. This is the thinnest of veils thrown over the matter, primarily to keep it from being talking about a person behind their back, and partly to just not get into defending my position.

          And no worries about me defending a bully. Twenty five years later, and if I managed to get him alone in a quiet alley, there would be blood on my hands.

          Huh? Wha? Who are you talking about here? Random bully #4217?

          • by gmhowell (26755)

            No, I was saying that I've been bullied in my youth, and one particular offender earned a grudge that has lasted ~25 years. This was meant to point out that I'm not in the habit of defending bullies.

            • by snowgirl (978879)

              No, I was saying that I've been bullied in my youth, and one particular offender earned a grudge that has lasted ~25 years. This was meant to point out that I'm not in the habit of defending bullies.

              Ah, ok, so you were referring to Random Bully #4217... (Or s/random/arbitrary/ if you feel it more appropriate)

              It seemed to come out of left field for me, especially with a valid antecedent being the individual that you presume I was talking about in the main post.

              • by gmhowell (26755)

                I am a fan of the non sequitir, despite being amongst the first to rail against ambiguous antecedents.

  • Ya, bullies suck.

    So does people who can't come out and say exactly what they mean.

    If you got a problem with someone, why don't you just take it up with them, instead of making snide journal entries that you hope they'll see and understand.

    Are you afraid of the bully? Because, in my experience, that is what bullies like, fear. And your post here, reeks of fear to me.

    This is the equivalent of someone hiding from a bully, but talking shit about them for others to hear, when they are safe from the bully.

    So

    • by gmhowell (26755)

      I think the phrase you are looking for is "passive aggression" although I'm not sure it applies here.

    • by snowgirl (978879)

      First, I did try to address the problem. The bully in question didn't want to acknowledge their behavior.

      Second, I'm not posting this hoping that they'll notice, and be able to decipher it. I have a horrible nagging personal compulsion to explain my behavior. This is just me satisfying that psychological tick.

      • *yawn* You continuously refused to address the real problem, which was that RMS's has been bullying for more than a decade, as I documented here [slashdot.org] and here [slashdot.org], as well as elsewhere.

        Also, you continue to ignore these 7 points [slashdot.org].

        So, while you're entitled to your opinion, you mis-characterize me when you call me a bully.

        His remarks about Steve Jobs were the type of remarks that bullies do all the time, safe in the knowledge that they can get away with it because they always have in the past. There are a lot of

        • by snowgirl (978879)

          I defriended you and walked away, because I didn't want to read any of your shit. I specifically didn't mention your name so that this wouldn't turn into a huge big deal with you coming onto my journal to rant at me as well.

          Bullying a bully doesn't accomplish anything but making you a bully yourself.

          Take a chill pill, relax, and walk away, that's what I did. Post all the journals you want about me, I don't give a crap. Call me all the names in the book that you care to, I don't care, just so long as you don

          • by tomhudson (43916)

            First, anyone who looks at the various threads will see that I never called you any names - though that didn't stop you from calling me one or two.

            Most of the people reading this knew you were referring to me. The fact was that you continued to (whether intentionally or not) refuse to address the issues I brought up with respect to Stallman's behavior, as well as what sort of constructive actions can be taken. In *my* journal. Using it instead to call me a bully when I pointed out the MANY reasons RMS

            • by snowgirl (978879)

              First, anyone who looks at the various threads will see that I never called you any names - though that didn't stop you from calling me one or two.

              READ MY GOD DAMN POST rather than just ranting about whatever you want to rant about. I said: "Call me all the names in the book that you care to, I don't care, just so long as you don't drag your shit into my journals, please."

              I didn't say that you DID call me names, I said you're FREE to go off and call me names or anything. I don't give a shit, I'm not following your journal articles at all, I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT YOU DO ON YOUR OWN JOURNAL.

              Just STOP BOTHERING ME, I WALKED AWAY . YOU are the one in

              • by tomhudson (43916)
                Riiiight .... you call me names in both my and your journals, and expect that I won't defend myself.

                Hypocrite much?

                • by snowgirl (978879)

                  Riiiight .... you call me names in both my and your journals, and expect that I won't defend myself.

                  Hypocrite much?

                  Goat damn it, I didn't name you at all in my journal entry. Everyone else played along nicely and didn't name you either; even though they were perhaps sure they knew who it was. YOU'RE the one who outed yourself.

                  • by tomhudson (43916)

                    Read the threads - others already knew, as did anyone who cared to do the least amount of searching your past comments.

                    Again, hypocrite much? Better yet, don't bother - your constant refusal to look at the real issues wrt RMS and his own hypocrisy is answer enough, birds of a feather and all that.

                    • by snowgirl (978879)

                      Yeah, and which ever actress it is that filed that suit against IMDB for revealing her birthday... I bet all sorts of people could just take a look at the recent behavior of asian-american people from Texas with an IMDB page, and figure out who that is as well.

                      The point was never to perfectly hide your name or identification, because that's impossible. If I had waited a MONTH to post this journal, people could have looked back through my comments, and found a spike of activity arguing with you and put 2 and

                    • by tomhudson (43916)

                      Most people would agree that Stallman's offensive smell, touching himself, and booger-eating in front of people IS relevant when we're talking about someone who wants to speak on behalf of others, for ANY topic.

                      You know, you really, REALLY need to work on your technique if you're going to try to troll. Especially on /. :-) The techniques you've employed to date to hide from the REAL issues don't work. You've failed at trying to change the subject - which has always been that RMS's behaviour over the ye

                    • by snowgirl (978879)

                      Do you really believe, as he does, that spending time with your kids isn't as important as contributing to emacs?

                      Eh.... you know, some people seem to think that spending time playing WoW is more important than feeding their children. Also, the vast majority of people feel that it is more important for them to earn a living at a job rather than spending all their child's available time with their child.

                      Spending time with a child is important, but honestly, if I could cure cancer, or erect world peace by neglecting my child, even if that meant the child would starve to death, I can't particularly say that such a thing i

                    • by tomhudson (43916)

                      Do you really believe, as he does, that spending time with your kids isn't as important as contributing to emacs?

                      Eh.... you know, some people seem to think that spending time playing WoW is more important than feeding their children. Also, the vast majority of people feel that it is more important for them to earn a living at a job rather than spending all their child's available time with their child.

                      Spending time with a child is important, but honestly, if I could cure cancer, or erect world peace by

                • by snowgirl (978879)

                  Also, calling someone a bully is not calling them names. It is stating a material fact. Calling someone a doodoo head, or nosepicker, or foot-cheese-eater is calling someone a name.

                  In the same way, stating that a person is a racist, bigot, or sexist is also not being a bully. (I have no problem with you pointing out that RMS is sexist. I have a problem with you ranting on about shit that doesn't fucking matter. Nosepicking is not a sufficient reason to bully someone about.

                  • by tomhudson (43916)

                    Also, calling someone a bully is not calling them names. It is stating a material fact.

                    Fine - you're a bully. Satisfied now?

                    • by snowgirl (978879)

                      Also, calling someone a bully is not calling them names. It is stating a material fact.

                      Fine - you're a bully. Satisfied now?

                      If you can present evidence to back that up, sure. I'll accept it.

                      I offered up proof of you berating a guy for picking his nose, and eating it. Guess what? I do that, too. Does that make all my arguments invalid? Like when I say "slavery is a moral wrong, and if you're given the choice between following the law by permitting slavery, and breaking the law by doing anything and everything in your power to battle against it." Does the fact that I pick my nose and eat it make that argument wrong?

                    • by tomhudson (43916)

                      Does the fact that I pick my nose and eat it make that argument wrong?

                      If you're going to insist on doing that in front of others like RMS, it disqualifies you as an ambassador for f/loss. Same as his p*ssing on Jobs' memory the day after he died does. Stating this doesn't make me a bully any more than stating that someone who beats their wife and kids should be President. Sure, you could try to argue that one has nothing to do with the other, but not too many people would want to be represented by, led

      • by Nyder (754090)

        First, I did try to address the problem. The bully in question didn't want to acknowledge their behavior.

        Second, I'm not posting this hoping that they'll notice, and be able to decipher it. I have a horrible nagging personal compulsion to explain my behavior. This is just me satisfying that psychological tick.

        oh, okay, cool. The need to rant, that i understand exactly. =)

        • by snowgirl (978879)

          First, I did try to address the problem. The bully in question didn't want to acknowledge their behavior.

          Second, I'm not posting this hoping that they'll notice, and be able to decipher it. I have a horrible nagging personal compulsion to explain my behavior. This is just me satisfying that psychological tick.

          oh, okay, cool. The need to rant, that i understand exactly. =)

          Should have taken it to Facebook, lol

  • Okay, I got this.

    Yes, I agree, dudes a bully and doesn't know when to quit.

    Sorry about that.

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