Roblimo's Journal: Why I Enjoy Living in Bradenton, Florida

I totally love both mountains and snow. On postcards, where they belong.

I believe God intended me to live somewhere I can pick oranges from my own tree and eat them immediately, while they're still fresh; where I can go sailing on a "wet" boat (like a kayak, canoe or Sunfish), wearing nothing but swim trunks, at least eight months out of the year.

And Article 149, section 2146, of the U.S. Constitution guarantees our right to free parking at all beaches unless they have special camping facilities and conveniences, a la Ft. DeSoto. If our Founding Dads didn't think going to the beach was important, free beach parking wouldn't be in the Constitution, would it?

Where and when I grew up (Orange, California, 50s and 60s), it was a child's *right* to go to the beach a minimum of once every week during the school year, and up to five times a week during summer vacation. As an adult, I believe I still have that right, even if sometimes I just sit on the sand and watch the sunset instead of going in the water.

If I want cold I eat a sno-cone.

I'm losing my house because I lost my job, but instead of leaving the area my wife and I are rehabbing a tiny mobile home just a few miles down the road. Friday I was at the new place with Tony-the-carpenter, and our new neighbor Ralph came over with fresh-squeezed pink grapefruit juice from his tree, to which we have "picking rights" in exchange for him getting ditto from our orange tree. Great juice. I can still taste it.

Snow people don't have fresh citrus.

Cold and rainy climates produce suicidal musicians like Kurt Cobain. Florida has Jimmy Buffet. Jimmy gets older and richer every year. Kurt doesn't.

Remember where, in the Bible/Torah, God promises Joshua and his people "a land of milk and honey and citrus and year-round fresh produce" and says nothing about Maple syrup? God knew Maple syrup was only grown in cold climates -- but could easily be shipped without losing its flavor. Milk, citrus, and produce are best eaten fresh. (Honey keeps pretty well, but it's nice to get fresh orange blossom honey from local beekepers. God probably mentioned this but His editors cut it because they were paying by the published word and wanted to hold their budget down.)

Also, if God hadn't wanted us to live in Florida, with its basically crappy-tasting tap water, he wouldn't have given us mount-on-the-tap water filters. Or bottled water.

I am a Godly man. I live by His plans. I am so conservative I don't necessarily hold with this modern marriage nonsense but believe the traditional ways, as followed by Abraham, David, and Solomon, should be good enough for anyone. More on that topic here: http://www.roblimo.com/node/571

And for you heretics and pagans who believe in the False Doctrine of Evolution, there is plenty of (no doubt false) evidence that we humans evolved in tropical and sub-tropical climates.

George W. Bush may claim Texan-hood but was born in chilly Connecticut, went to high school -- excuse me, I meant to say "prep school" -- in even colder Massachusetts, went to college in Connecticut, and attended grad school in Massachusetts.

Barack Obama grew up in sunny Hawaii, with some of his childhood time spent in sunny Indonesia. He is an accomplished body surfer. We don't even know if George Bush has ever *tried* surfing.

But if you want to deny God and live in a cold climate, fine. Don't let me stop you.

I believe in the freedom to make all the mistakes you want, which is also part of the U.S. Constitution.

Originally posted @ http://roblimo.com

Hey!

[Captain Splendid]

But if you want to deny God and live in a cold climate, fine. Don't let me stop you.

I'm a Canadian, you insensitive but tolerant clod!