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Journal Ethelred Unraed's Journal: Krauts don't do pie 31

Journal by Ethelred Unraed

In a belated response to ces in my Thanksgiving journal:

Krauts don't do pie? You are kidding right? The poor bastards don't know what they are missing. I know pie isn't unknown in Europe, heck my two pie plates were made in France and Belgium.

There isn't even an exact word to translate "pie" into German. (Seriously.) While German-English dictionaries list translations for "pie", none of them are really correct -- Pastete is what we'd call a pasty, Obstkuchen is literally "fruitcake", Torte is (what else) a torte (i.e. a kind of cake), and so on. It's also always a chore trying to explain to Germans what pie is, because they just don't have anything similar. Worse, some are aware of McDonald's "pie" -- and think that's what pie is. Even so-called American restaurants (yes, they exist) rarely have pie, at least not that I've ever seen (what they do have is burgers, hot dogs, various sandwiches, and fries, which strikes me as an oddly limited idea of "American" food).

Usually only those who have been to America, Britain or downunder for some time will know what pie is. Others don't have the foggiest. So any pie-making equipment -- pie tins and pastry cutters especially -- has to be imported or improvised.

OTOH German baked goods are a wonder to behold (no pun intended, honest). Their bread is incredible. One of the first things I miss when in America is German bread, whether it's Brötchen or any of the bazillion kinds of Vollkornbrot (whole-grain bread). Trust me, bread like this is a true rarity in America (so-called pumpernickel is a joke in comparison), and here it's on every street corner and in every grocery store.

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Krauts don't do pie

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  • At random intervals I'm just going to blurt out, "You ever seen a Kraut eat a pie, motherfucker?"

    I'm sure I could make a movie about it ("Krauts on a Pie") and start an internet sensation.
  • From what I remember from my trip last March, the bread was pretty good. So was real schnitzel, sausages, beer, and I really loved the regional dry wines.

    A friend of mine works for a company that has a plant in Dresden, so he works with a lot of Germans. They say the closest beer they have found here (Richmond/DC area) to match a local German beer is Paulaner [wikipedia.org]. Not bad, of course it actually IS a german beer, so...
    • If your friend works with Dresdners he should definitely know about Radeberger [wikipedia.org] Pilsner.

      • Yep. That's the best-known one from that area. Paulaner is Bavarian, as is Erdinger [wikipedia.org].

        As for northern beers, the local brews around these parts are OK, but nothing to get excited about (and lighter and slightly more bitter than southern beers): Gilde [gildebrau.de] and Herrenhäuser [herrenhaeuser.de]. The real biggie among northern German beers is Jever [jever.de], which is also light and slightly bitter. Then there's Flensburger [flens.de], which is a bit in between the usual bitter northern beer and sweeter southern beers, and of course Beck's [becks.de], native to

        • I was going to try Bananenweizen, but then I thought of something. How do you juice a banana? I've never even HEARD of banana juice. Is banana a German euphemism?

          • Worst-case, you can always make it yourself -- purée some bananas. But I'm fairly sure I've seen it in the States in specialty shops, health food stores and so on. (Germans do tend to drink a lot of unusual fruit juices, and especially mixes, that I don't see too much in America. Banana is just the tip of the iceberg. Passion fruit is very common, for example.)

            Cheers,

            Ethelred

  • Pastete is what we'd call a pasty...


    Urggh, at first this is what I thought you were talking about [NSFW?] [wikipedia.org]


    And sadly the phrase, "shut yer pie-hole" will never mean the same thing to a german :-)

  • German bread. Yum!

    ^_^

  • Step 1: Make a bunch of pies
    Step 2: Sell them to Germans
    Step 3: Profit!!!


    Oh wait. Never mind. With money comes power, and Ethelred doesn't need any more power, real or imaginary.
  • I wonder whether it's your translation skills or my knowledge of American foods (which is quite limited, actually), but I'd call any pie I've ever seen in an American movie or in Scotty's Diner (a nice diner in Düsseldorf run by a retired US marine) gedeckter Kuchen. Eth, correct me if I'm completely on the wrong track here.

    I think the main difference is the baking form used - USians seem to dig pie while most Germans I know prefer stuff made on a Backblech, I have no idea how to translate it ("baking

    • Ha! A Kraut to pick on! ;-)

      Essentially the difference between pie and cake is that cake is a kind of (sweet) bread, i.e. made with flour of some kind and a binding agent, like eggs. Pie, on the other hand, is not bread: It is a shell (the shell never uses egg -- it's only flour, shortening, butter or lard, and a bit of water) with some kind of filling. Thus "Pastete" is the closest word in German, but it's not really accurate because it's not done in a tin and is always enclosed, while pie usually isn't (

      • Is calling a pizza simply a pie a regional thing? I saw a comedian do a bit once about coming to college in NJ (NY metro area) and his roommate suggesting "Why don't we split a pie?" I know that pizza pie is a pretty common term, but is using "pie" without providing some context of pizza a regional thing?

        • Must be -- I only heard it from a guy I knew who was from NJ, and that's it. Even using "pie" together with "pizza" was rather unusual in Minnesota and especially southwestern Virginia when I was growing up. I only remember hearing it in that Dean Martin song and at a well-known pizzeria in St. Paul, but that's pretty much it.

          Cheers,

          Ethelred

      • Additionally, pie need not be sweet. Americans are of course very used to sweet pies -- apple pie, pumpkin pie, pecan pie -- but are by and large less familiar with the kinds of pie Brits eat, such as steak and kidney pie or cheese pie.

        Like Quiche [wikipedia.org]? Which is well known in France and actually a speciality in Lorraine.... Oh, and Lorraine used to be a part of Germany (look at the name "Strassbourg", not very French). I'm pretty sure Quiche is known in Germany too.

        • Quiche is very similar to pie, but I vaguely recall something about the dough being different. (I wouldn't be surprised if quiche and pie are related -- an import by the Normans to England, perhaps.) But quiche in Germany is usually associated with France and French cuisine, not German, and is AFAIK normally referred to as "Elsässer Kuchen" ("Alsatian Cake").

          Cheers,

          Ethelred

        • I make a lot of savory "pies" but I generally don't call them pies. I either call them what they are (quiche, as egg is often the binding agent in the filling) or make them in a tart pan and call them tarts. I've made more savory tarts than sweet ones.
        • Actually Quiche Lorraine was the first thing I thought of according to Eth's description, but then again Quiche and what I've been sold as pie differ a lot. I've spent lots of time in northern France and the quiche of my friend's mother was one of the best meals ever I had. So good that I frequently overate and could not eat much of the rest of the lunch/dinner/whatever (in France the meals are usually three to six or seven courses and quiche tends to be among the first).

          Ah, those were the times. Quiche and
      • Ah, pie. Now you got me hungry. When come back, bring pie. [weebls-stuff.com]

        Essentially the difference between pie and cake is that cake is a kind of (sweet) bread, i.e. made with flour of some kind and a binding agent, like eggs.

        And I think there's our language problem. You assume that Kuchen means cake, but that's definitely not true. Kuchen is a general term and in daily use stands for everything from the bread-y stuff you mention to tarts, creamy pies etc. The stuff you mean is generally referenced to as "dry cake" as opposed to "wet cakes" (think creamy pies, fancy cakes etc.) Even Plunderteilchen are considered Kuchen, and it's as far away from being cake as you could

        • Now there's an American tradition -- Pumpkin Pie [wikipedia.org] (decent picture included) which is a pie I've always seen prepared "uncovered". Though it's frequently served with fresh, cold whipped cream on top. It's one of the traditional things that almost every Thanksgiving dinner includes. I've had pumpkin pie itself served both warm and cold. None of this to be confused with Canada's Thanksgiving, which happens almost two months prior, and which I know nothing else about.

          Wikipedia also has a halfway decent pic

          • I have never eaten pumpkin in my whole life, and if I can believe my wife (who grew up in the Eastern (communist) part of Germany where they ate lots of funny stuff because of lack of options), I haven't missed much. Then again, the spices used read like it might be interesting. The hard part would be making one, as it's always hard to make something you've never even eaten. I was speculating on Eth inviting us when we next visit my wife's relatives (we drive through Hanover), but it seems as if the dot was
  • Authentic American Pizza [americantakeaway.se] in Sweden!

    The interior is decorated with bright red vinyl booths, an 8 foot statue of liberty, neon lights, and a mural of an American diner in the 50's.

    It just can't get any more tasteful than this.

    Good pizza though.

    • Heh. This place [goodmans.de] in Hannover used to be similarly, ahh, patriotic, but they've toned it down considerably. (I notice they've suddenly changed the rabbit mascot slightly, too. Guess they must have gotten a new ad agency.)

      The usual recipe for an "American" restaurant around here seems to be: Get as many old road signs, license plates and old ads as possible, and serve burgers and fries and some other things that you think sound vaguely American but really aren't but because you're such a creative person you'

      • I simply could not help but smile when I read one of the goodmans pizzas comes with "extra dickem"

        even if Altavista says that just means "specially thick."
  • Wenn du dampfnudel hast?
    (I'm talking the proper non-sweet dumpling with a salty bum, like I'll be snacking on with the in-laws in Heidelberg.)

    • Should be "wer braucht Pie". "Wie" means "how" or "what". ;-)

      Never had those, actually. I've had various types of Knödel and Klöße, which are similar -- I rather like Semmelknödel with bacon fat in them.

      Thuringia, which I've visited a few times, is also known for their dumplings, which are huge. But up around here, dumplings just aren't that big a deal in the regional cuisine. (Unfortunately, Grünkohl -- kale -- is. Yecch.)

      Cheers,

      Ethelred

      • My wife, who missed my spelling error on "wie", says that Knödel and Klöße are not finger-food like Dampfnodel. What's weird about Dampfnodel is the special pan used, such that oily, salty water in the bottom 'steams' the dough to rise, and you have to train the ear to judge when a batch is done to get the right crunchy bottom and soft top.
        Esoteric delight.

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