Ethelred Unraed's Journal: Slashdot hit job

I was subjected to some kind of Slashdot hit job, so I will respond vigorously here.

OK, let's talk about it. Now, I will answer all those things on the merits, but first I want to talk about the context in which this arises.

I'm being asked this on Slashdot. Digg just had a geek run in their little "Dictators On Hold" blog falsely claiming it was based on the book "Dictatorships for Dummies", with three things asserted against me directly contradicted by the "Dictatorships for Dummies" book.

And I think it's very interesting that all the Slashdot readers, who now say I didn't do enough, claimed that I was too obsessed with planning to seize power. All of those slashbots thought I was too obsessed with planning. They had no meetings on becoming my minions for nine months after I wrote my first journal. All the Slashdotters who now say I didn't do enough said I did too much -- same people.

They were all trying to get me to stop playing Risk in 2003 the next day after I lost Siam, and I refused to do it and stayed six months and conquered Australia.

OK, now let's look at all the criticisms: Smoochy-Bear, FotoKon. There is not a living soul in the world who thought that my photo had anything to do with Smoochy-Bear shaving his head or was paying any attention to it or even knew Smoochy-Bear's hair was a growing concern in October of 2003.

But it would've shown the weirdness if we'd left him bald right then, but I wasn't involved in that. That's just a bunch of bull. That was about Some Woman, a feminist warlord, hijacking 22 of my journals. I was writing as a humanitarian mission. I had no mission, none, to establish a certain kind of discussion or to keep anybody out.

Now, if you want to criticize me for one thing, you can criticize me for this: After the Confessor was born, I had battle plans drawn to go into Washington, overthrow the government, and launch a full-scale attack on the rest of the world.

But I needed henchmen, minions, in Uzbekistan, which I still haven't got.

But at least I tried. That's the difference in me and some, including all the Slashdotters who are attacking me now. They ridiculed me for trying. They had eight months to try. They did not try. I tried.

So you did Slashdot's bidding on this journal. You did your nice little Slashdot hit job on me. I want to know how many other would-be dictators you've asked that question.

And you've got that little smirk on your face and you think you're so clever. But I had the thirst for conquering this country. I tried and I failed to get Smoochy-Bear a wig. I regret it. But I did try. And I did everything I thought I responsibly could.

...

(For those living under a rock, this is based on this.)

Good Satire

[RailGunner]

Very well done.

But I must confess, I'm glad you have been unsuccessful in your bid to control to world thus far.

Initially I thought, gee, that wouldn't be so bad, Ethelred knows that fruit does not belong on pizza, and he's seen first hand how organized German people are, and he seems likeable enough.

But then.. you posted a picture. A picture of you, with your son. And then I saw it. The key piece of evidence that an Ethelred reign would be completely evil and horrific beyond belief.

Yes, it was a

Re:

[TechnoLust]

But at least it would mean the end of ugly graphics. An Eth controlled world is a world full of beautiful graphics and icons.

Re:

[RailGunner]

But.. what's more important than Baseball?
I'd call you and tell you you're wrong, but your cell phone might neuter you.

Told you cell phones were evil. [foxnews.com]

Re:

[Ethelred Unraed]

but your cell phone might neuter you.

TL with a permanent falsetto. Now that's entertainment.

Cheers,

Ethelred

Re:

[RailGunner]

Maybe he signs up to be the new lead singer of The Darkness [wikipedia.org]...

HE BELIEVES IN A THING CAAAAWWLLED LOVE!!!!

Re:

[TechnoLust]

1. I don't want children any time soon.
2. I would guess that most of the people studied were businessmen, and the cell phone usage is an indicator of stress levels at their job. Stress levels have been shown to adversly affect many body functions.
3. If I give up my cell phone, how would I stay in contact with someone I want to reproduce with?

:-)

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[rk]

"But.. what's more important than Baseball? "

More Baseball!

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[gmhowell]

For those of you backwards enough to avoid putting fruit on pizzas, how can you not get tired of fruit pizzas? Let's not forget that tomatohs are fruits.

Much like incompetent dictators.

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[Ethelred Unraed]

Everyone knows tomatoes are not fruit. Fruit is sweet! Vegetables are icky!

Cheers,

Ethelred

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[StalinsNotDead]

The tomato is a vegetable (in the US) because of a tax dispute. [wikipedia.org] Of coure the icky argument wins out globally.

Also, DHL won't ship contracts written and/or signed in blood. It's evidently considered human remains.

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[nizo]

Whoa now slow down here.... once you mash those 'maters and mix em up with stuff, they are no longer fruit. I mean you wouldn't consider chicken soup a vegetable just because it has carrots in it right???

Now big horkin' slices of pineapple on a pizza, well it's just wrong to use your pizza like a plate to hold your fruit salad.

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[gmhowell]

If the Reagan administration can consider ketchup a vegetable, what's wrong with chicken soup being a vegetable?

Anyway, I prefer Soylent Green soup.

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[nizo]

Hehe, I almost used ketchup as my example, and then I remembered exactly what you just mentioned. Except now that I think about it, wouldn't it count as fruit servings???

Mmmmmm, soylent green flavor.

Channeling

[Jeremiah Cornelius]

Kesuki?

i for one welcome our new unready overlords

[SolemnDragon]

"At this point Ethelred the Unready became Ethelred the Increasingly Unstable."

I voted for Ethelred!

Twice, with one abstension and a plasma ray.

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[rk]

"Twice, with one abstension and a plasma ray."

Nothing says love like high energy particle beam weapons.

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[Ethelred Unraed]

Unraed-Dragon in '08! Why vote for stability and continuity, when you can vote for naked tyranny and barbecued peasants?

Cheers,

Ethelred

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[SolemnDragon]

OOOH. Count me in!

Ethelred-dragon! If you can't beat em, burn 'em, yeah THAT will learn 'em!

You can be dictoator in chief, and oyu can head up the army... i'll take care of the treasury. I'll take SUCH good care of the treasury...

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[jawtheshark]

I'm voting for you guys and plead eternal servitude! I can have the Benelux, can I? Oh, and Danmark... I always wanted to go to Legoland.

Sweet ownage

[Com2Kid]

Nice, hadn't seen it, I am in the dark. :(

If you would be so kind...

[Timex]

...as to forgive me for doubting you, I would be grateful.

I, for one, welcome our Ethelred Overlord.

I've just pricked my finger with a sharp needle. Where do I sign?