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Journal sielwolf's Journal: FUCK FedEx in the ASS with a KNIFE 11

Journal by sielwolf

nizo was prophetic in seeing the week I've been having. So I'm working on my condo, right? And I got me a nice runner to go through from my front door in my living room to my dining room (the major path of traffic in my place). Real deal. Got it from LL Bean. I ordered it last week and thought it would arrive this week Tuesday (after the holiday). How fucking wrong I was.

Monday

I come back from visiting my family in NE OH to find a FedEx note on my door. It seems that they have tried to deliver my rug twice. Odd since it only shipped on Friday so that either means they tried to deliver it on Sunday or Labor Day (which I doubt). Third time and it's waiting for me at some Undisclosed FedEx Bunker.

Odd, also, that my condo intercom works now. This thing is pretty slick: you set it up by giving it a phone number, in my case, my cell. So when you punch in my name on the intercom, it actually makes a phone call to me. Once we get the last bit in, I will be able to even unlock the door to the common stairwell from my cell. So I could be in NE OH visiting my parents on Labor Day (just as an example) and have a FedEx guy show up and I could buzz him in so he could leave my package there.

The oddness: no messages on my cell for missed calls. So that means whoever was the delivery guy didn't actually use the intercom.

Nice.

Also I find out that the tracking number LL Bean gave me is wrong. So the only accurate copy I have is on that packing note the guy left. And it is two packages. And the guys handwriting sucks. So if I don't have the slip on me I have to go through this long process of "Yes I ordered this package, no I don't have the tracking number, here is my address... here is my phone and name to confirm." business.

Tuesday

So on Tuesday I call FedEx in the morning. I've decided I'll just ask them to hold it for me and I'd pick it up at the Undisclosed FedEx Bunker. The guy gives me the address and I google it. Hmmm, it doesn't show up as anything on Google Maps. Oh well, I've got directions. The guy also says "Ok, just call back early tomorrow because it might accidentally go back out on the truck again."

Huh? What is the point of me calling to hold it if the guys won't even heed my request? Isn't this customer service, right? You (the service) are supposed to supply me (the customer) with what I want, right?

Little did I know that this would start me on a weeklong exercise to get my fucking rug and point out how fucking shitty and worthless FedEx customer support is.

Wednesday

I've decided I have to leave work early to pick up this package because the FedEx Home Servie (i.e the Undisclosed FedEx Bunker) is only open to fucking 5pm. Yes, 5pm. FedEx is running on goddamn banker's hours. So I have to leave work early and make it up later so I can have the honor of picking up my package.

So that afternoon I call FedEx and I get another rep who says "Oh, the package went out on the truck today." I told him I put a hold on it yesterday. "Hmmm, I see no hold here." Ok, I tell him to put a hold on it again and maybe this time it will stick. Once again he repeats that I should call early tomorrow to make sure it doesn't go out on the truck.

Thursday

So I call right after getting in to work and doing early email. It couldn't have been after 8:30. The FedEx rep tells me "Uh oh. It says here the package has gone out on the truck. Here, let me call your Undisclosed FedEx Bunker. *Musak as I'm Put on Hold* Hello, sir? Yeah, it seems the package went out on the truck again. Yeah, you have to call before 8:02 in the morning to make sure you beat the delivery trucks going out. But I see here that they tried to deliver it enough times that it probably shouldn't go out again tomorrow."

Why don't I trust her? Really, don't these people know how to do their jobs? They sound like they know how they should sound but the last three days has demonstrated they have no goddamn idea how to do their job.

This whole time too I'm remembering back to when I had to call UPS about having them hold a package for me to pickup. I called the guy said "Ok, the package is being held. The center is at _______. The center is open until 8pm." I made this call AFTER 5pm (when the FedEx customer support 800 number stops working BTW) and I just drove up to the UPS center, stood in line for 5 minutes and got my CD.

That easy. Luckily I had only one more day to go...

Friday

So today I get up, shower, dress, go down to my car and at 7:27, before I even pull out of my parking spot I call FedEx. The guy says "Oh ok. Here, I'll put a hold on both of those... You might want to call later. Hopefully they will hold them there for you."

Hopefully? As this week has gone on the FedEx customer support guys have become less enthusiastic. Now they are telling me the signs are starting to look hopeless. Fucking great. Three days in a row I've had to abort my plans of leaving early (kind of f-ing up my afternoon workplans). Well today is the day. I've also decided to leave even earlier because who knows what could happen (a swarm of locusts could attack Clarendon and the whole Beltway could get shut down and the Undisclosed FedEx Bunker might get shut down early for fear of arachno-terrorism).

I'm also afraid that the directions I have are incorrect. Not only do they have me driving most of the way down Route 1 (a horrific overdeveloped old-line road) instead of the eight lane I-95, they don't seem to match ANY of the directions I find online.

For one the FedEx website is impossible to use. They give you three types of shops to search for: FedEx fully-staffed, self-service and Authorized ShipCenters. What they don't help you with are where the shipping centers are to actually pick up packages at.

So punching in Beltsville, MD into their locator, you get all these locations but not one that maches the address I got on Tuesday. I didn't like the sound of this. They had the address for one center so I decided to play it safe and call customer support (again. Fifth time this week discounting the one time I called after 5pm and they had all disappeared into the ether).

Now remember when I told you above that the LL Bean tracking number was wrong and I had to go through this whole elaborate process of giving the destination address and then my phone number and name as confirmation?

Heheheh.

Me: "Hello, I'd like to find out the location of a shipping center in Beltsville, MD because I scheduled a package to be held there for me."

Her: "Ok just give me the tracking number."

Me [on autopilot]: "Actually the tracking number I have here is incorrect."

Her: "Oh you need a tracking number. You won't be able to pick up the package without one. I can't help you." [Her tone was that of one who's next words where going to be "IsthereanythingelseIcanhelpyouwith?No?Goodbye."]

Me: "Huh? Actually every other time I've called this week I've been able to give you guys the address and you where able to find the package for me."

Her: "No I can't do that."

Me [thinking "WTF?"]: "Listen I have the note with the tracking numbers out in my car. I can't get it now. Actually I just need the address of the shipping center. I'm picking the package up in Beltsville, MD."

Her [exasparated that this call has gone on twice as long as it should]: "Ok what's the zip code?"

Me: *pause* "How would I know that?? I'm ASKING FOR THE ADDRESS! It's BELTSVILLE, MD! How many of these shipping centers could there be!"

Her [scolding]: "You need to have a zip code. I can't find the center without the zip-"

I hung up here. *ahem*

FUCK YOU YOU GODDAMN WORTHLESS CUNT! YOUR MOM SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SWALLOWED! THAT WAS HER FIRST FUCKING MISTAKE!! SINCE SHE DIDN'T SHE SHOULD HAVE GONE AFTER YOU WITH A FUCKING COATHANGER AND SOME CLOROX!! YOU ARE A FUCKING WORTHLESS TARD CUNT OF A PERSON AND ALL OF YOUR FUCKING FAMILY SHOULD ROT IN FUCKING HELL!! YOUR FATHER SHOULD HAVE EXPOSED YOU AS A FUCKING CHILD LIKE THE GODDAMN SPARTANS DID WHEN HORRIBLE RETARD CUNTS LIKE YOURSELF CRAWLED INTO THE FUCKING WORLD! JESUS FUCKING HATES YOUR BITCH ASS!!

Is THIS what passes for customer service? I spent a good hour and half this week on hold trying to meet a goddamn courier half way and pick up a package myself. Their fucking competitors know how to do it. Why can't they? And their answer is to then stock their customer service center with folks who's only job isn't to serve the customer but to find the quickest way to end the phone call?? Their suggestion for most of the week was to call and show up at this location and pray.

And that was the best part: I first went to the second place (because I distrusted the guy I talked to on Tuesday even less now) only to wait in line for one worker at this FedEx facility to say "Yeeeaahhh.. that's FedEx Home, 'k? That's over on Baltimore" and handing me back my packing note like it had SARS or some shit. So when I got to the first place, it was some huge poorly labeled building behind a Moter Vehicles Administration building. I had to park among all these trucks and walk across a muddy field into the one of two doors not labeled "EMPLOYEES ONLY". Luckily the one woman who worked there was really nice and I thanked her by telling her that she was the only nice person who I talked to all day. She was tired, it was Friday afternoon, and she didn't do anything outrageous; she just did the simple task of asking me what I wanted, doing it, telling me that she was doing it and doing the required amount to get the job done. "Here it is. I need to see some ID. Yep, that's you. Sign here. Thank you."

Was that so hard?

Of the eight people I met through my interactions of getting my rug one showed me the basic courtesy someone expects. That's 12.5%. That isn't even a good average in baseball. And I don't need anything. See, life in the 21st century is COMPLICATED. What should customer service be? LESS COMPLICATION. Make it so I don't have to jump through hoops (i.e. some gay automated customer service thing that I have to listen to five dozen options to), waste my time, and make me feel like I'm not the one keeping your company afloat. Less is more. I don't want small talk and coffeecake. That is just a hassle. Just get me my shit and let me go on with my life. Do that and you are doing killer.

But this? This was bullshit. Fuck FedEx. Bunch of cocksmoking dogfuckers. Somebody should rape them all with a broomhandle and hang their fucking disemboweled limbs from a fucking overpass.

*****

I feel better.

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FUCK FedEx in the ASS with a KNIFE More

FUCK FedEx in the ASS with a KNIFE

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  • My experience with FedEx's overnight service has been generally good, but FedEx ground is another issue altogether.

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by nizo ( 81281 ) *
      FedEx ground used to be another company (RPS). Basically, they suck, and the assimiliation process isn't going so well. My last experience with them was several years ago; I was having two packages delivered. I checked the website and it said I had signed for them; after going down and talking to people it turns out the fuckhead had thrown them up onto my balcony and signed my name for them!!! Since I don't go out there often, it is lucky it hadn't rained since the moron had tossed them up there. I loved wo
  • I love it when they tell you "We showed up at your house and knocked and the guy left a note!" and I go out and check my door and there is no note.

    So the next day I am at home all day, my bedroom is right next to the front door. No music playing or anything.

    Nobody comes all day.

    I call up.

    "Our guy was there at 12, you will have to come down to our shipping center to pick up your package!" ...

    THANKS FOR LYING MY SHIPPING MAN.

    This goes on for another 2 days.

    The damnable thing was that extra had been paid for

    • Re: (Score:2)

      by elmegil ( 12001 ) *
      Somewhere they figured out that they weren't accountable. Or appear not to be. What we all need to figure out his how to hurt their pocket book RIGHT NOW when they FUCK UP.

      Oh, and by the way? UPS is way worse than FedEx in this neck of the woods. So I think you're pretty much at the mercy of the "quality" of the hiring process local to you.

  • Were you using FedEx ground? (i.e. the green trucks) FedEx ground (formerly RPS) is the only one I have ever had problems with. Part of it is a whole bunch of people were assimilated into FedEx who, frankly, haven't a clue.
    • Heh, that's exactly it. Though now they're "FedEx Home". Next time I won't make the same mistake.
  • I would have complained to L.L. Bean. They have far more leverage with FedEx than you do and an interest in keeping you as a satisfied LL Bean customer.

    At a lot of companies it doesn't take very many pissed off customers before the shipper is told to shape up if they want to keep their contract.

    Also consider using the USPS as a shipper whenever possible. They do Saturday delivery for the same price as weekday. If they miss you they always leave a note. Not to mention that they'll hold your package at the Po
    • I did this too. They sent out one of those website quality of service surveys and I patiently went through the entire thing until the end and I explained the horrible experience I had with FedEx. Hopefully they will be able to tie that to the specific FedEx Ground characters and act appropriately (probably not but, eh, its better then them not knowing at all).
  • I’ve caught both FedEx and UPS lying over the years. They lie about leaving notes, they leave notes without actually knocking, they lie about when they were there, they lie about when they’ll be back, and they probably lie about changing their underwear. I have never had to sign for anything delivered to my residence by either company in this town, and I order a fair amount of stuff online. This includes both 2nd Day and slow-boat “service” (ground) from both companies. My personal f
  • The fact that the guy's DON'T ring, they sprint to put the "Sorry we missed you!" post-it on the door and BOOK IT OUTTA DODGE?

    USPS Priority is my girl. And she treats me right.

    Next time refuse the package and make LL Bizzean give you a real tracking number and/or a real delivery service. Like a pack-animal caravan. Those things are slow, but steady.

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