blinder's Journal: Under-estimate

ever get tired of being under-estimated?

do you ever get tired of under-estimating? do you even know you do it?

i'm sick of being under-estimated. yeah, for whatever reason i seem to project an image (via poor self esteem, trained, whatever) of being under-capable - which, i think, contributes to a person's desire? ability? to under-estimate my capability in something.

it got me thinking though. yeah, i grow tired of the practice, but ultimately, i don't care. my attitude is becoming more like: "hey nice insecurity - i'm working damn hard to fight mine, what are you doing?" but what is annoying is that under-estimating people seems to be so ingrained in our socialization that we can't possibly see other people as our equal.

for me, its the opposite. but that's a matter for another day (that's the self-esteem thing again) - but what is really troubling is that either through our own insecurities or feelings of inadequacy - we want to look down on everyone else and i think this is acted out via under-estimating people.

the pattern of behavior is really obvious once you take a closer look. person 'y' asks a question, person 'z' attempts to answer person 'y's' question but interjects some veiled condescending remark. person 'y' politely counters with clarification to demonstrate to person 'z' that they only had a question. person 'z' quickly back peddles and attempts to "validate" person 'y's' intelligence.

i mean, i just saw this demonstrated *today*

ugh. why do so many people always have to feel superior? i know we are in the company of know-it-alls, and there are some very smart people here who know lots and lots of things, and i work with a lot of very smart people who know lots and lots of things, but where does superiority come from? why is under-estimating seem to be a reflex? are we all that weak? are we so fragile that we have to reinforce our own house of cards by demonstrating we are superior?

i'm not immune to this either. i swing both ways on this, and i'm struggling to learn middle ground. i don't know everything. i'm finally getting smart enough to realize what i don't know, and i don't know a lot of very basic stuff.

i think when i start seeing this type of behavior i'm simply not going to even bother... i will simply acknowledge your superiority and take my toys and play somewhere else for the day.

Insecurity it is

[Shadow Wrought]

I don't know why people feel the urge to constantly one up you either. I have a co-worker like that who would rather fail at a task than either listen to help or try a way different than his. Can't say I understand it, but you are certainly not alone in witnessing its effects.

Of course I used to have a tendancy to bait this behavior, too. Pretending to be ignorant in such away that person Z goes into full on pedant mode while everyone around realizes that I'm playing them. At least I've outgrown that

Re:Insecurity it is

[TechnoLust]

I like fucking with the one-uppers too. I like to catch them trying to top someone's story and I either tell something so ridiculous that it highlights what they are doing, or I say something to top them so much they in order to top it they have to say something they KNOW will be spotted as bullshit. I like to see if they are so insecure that topping stories is reflex or if it's a choice.

I don't think I'm better than anyone, but I'll be damned if I'm going to sit by and watch someone try to discount an ac

Way back in the day...

[KshGoddess]

When I had to talk to "customers" on what I've heard called a "telephone", I would actually give people credit for knowledge that they didn't have. When I explain things, I start out explaining them as I would to a peer. When questions are asked, I explain in more detail, until I get to the person's ability, and then I speak at that level.

I still do that. I don't know if it's low self-esteem, or if I underestimate my own skills. Everything I know is knowable, so obviously everyone else knows it, I guess is

monkeys

[SolemnDragon]

it's a monkey game, monkeys live in packs, remember? And you get somewhere in a pack by appeasement or by dominance, and so those are ingrained behaviours.

Now we try to build packs based on other things, but the monkey games will always be a part of it. There are people out there dying- literally- to be one of the beautiful people.

So monkeys try dominance and if their dominance is met by counter-aggression they'll try appeasement.

Don't worry about it too much, accept that you don't have to be a monkey all t

Do that enough

[Marxist Hacker 42]

And you'll get a reputation as a miracle worker- with no extra effort. People underestimating you capabilities means they go in with low expectations; then when you succeed despite those low expectations, the success will seem magnified. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Targeting Failures

[Oculus Habent]

I think it comes from a serious failure in attempting to be "all-inclusive." To ensure everyone can understand, you find the lowest common denominator. That is, you assume everyone is an idiot. It's visible in commercials. The VW Passat commercial with people with megaphones started with the man in the sports car saying, "I'm compensating for my shortcomings." and was changed to "Because mine's only yea big." It's visible in our education system. Eveyone acheives less because not everyone can acheive more.
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underestimating...

[subgeek]

...or undermining? if it's intentional, it is difficult for me to see it as underestimating.

Hah

[buffer-overflowed]

That's what I like about you. You're immensely talented in certain areas, and you'd never know it because you don't project it. You don't volunteer. It takes a bit of digging and a bit of time(you have to actually introduce a topic). It's not that you don't have an aura of confidence, it's that you're not that career obsessed asshole with the fancy car and the trophy wife for the sole reason of being all about conspicious consumption and the I'm better than you attitude. You don't jump in and go "Yo!

Same coin.

[rdewald]

In my personal mythology it is called "one-up/one-down." It is a defense one uses when one is unable to manage their feelings. Some people are chronically unable to manage their feelings, I was one of these for most of my adult life, so they constantly flip between the roles. Each side of the coin has it's charms and costs.

One-up, i.e., when you put yourself in a superior frame of reference, is characterized by judgements, pronouncements, mindless recitation of maxims, and a righteous sense of heroism fo