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Journal bellus quies's Journal: (Poll) Is it disrespectful to... 22

Journal by bellus quies
Is it disrespectful to a man's wife\girlfriend\committed relationship if your best friend sends you naked pictures of other women?

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Ok, now for my opinion. I feel that ok, guys might share the sneaked Playboy when they were adolescents. Moved on to e-mailing internet smut in college. But that a 30 something who has moved on to real life women and relationships that sharing porn seems inappropriate (and a bit juvenile.)

(And ya there are a lot of other underlying issues to the question than I put but I'm not really comfortable listing all that right now. But my perception of porn is simlar to these two articles.)

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(Poll) Is it disrespectful to... More

(Poll) Is it disrespectful to...

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    • Is it disrespectful to a man's wife\girlfriend\committed relationship if your best friend sends you naked pictures of other women?

      Yes it is, especially if said best friend knows that the wife/girlfriend/SO objects and has said as much. It's worse still if it is not discouraged at all.

    • Thing is that said best friend doesn't know and my boyfriend thinks that it would emasculate himself to tell the friend that. That he'd rather just ignore the e-mails than be considered pussy-whipped by his friend.
      • On the one hand, he doesn't have to tell her you don't like it. On the other, personally I don't see it being a problem if he looks, so long as his looking in and of itself doesn't harm your relationship (by him raising unreasonable standards).

        The example in the one article of the guy pushing his GF to get implants is a perfect example of going too far with it. But I can look at a beautiful woman and appreciate her -- while still loving my wife and appreciating her as the best thing that ever happened to

        • On the one hand, he doesn't have to tell her you don't like it

          Meh. Need more sleep. Should read "On the one hand, he doesn't have to tell him you don't like it".

          Cheers,

          Ethelred

        • Sorry, I'm a bit unclear. Are you saying that yes he can tell his friend not to send the e-mails, and just doesn't have to include that it's because I don't like it?

          I agree that one can appreciate the female form and love their romantic partner. But there's a difference between porn and art. As art is to be appreciated, porn objectifies women and debases them. And I do see a difference between erotica and porn. As erotica is the overlap of artistic sexuality.
          • Are you saying that yes he can tell his friend not to send the e-mails, and just doesn't have to include that it's because I don't like it?

            That's one way of diplomatically resolving it with his friend, yes. If his friend pushes the point, then he isn't much of a friend.

            But there's a difference between porn and art.

            True -- but of course the line between "porn" and "erotica" is a blurry one. Certainly I don't like seeing things where a human being is being degraded or treated badly -- but the trouble

            • True there is much gray area, and it's different for different people. What's acceptable form one, isn't for another. So it pretty much boils down to communication so that each partner's point of view is understood, and then looking at the compatibility of the opinions on the subject.
            • True -- but of course the line between "porn" and "erotica" is a blurry one.

              The difference is in the lighting;-)

              This may sound harsh, but if your boyfriend in his 30s is worried that telling his friend not to send pr0n will make him feel emasculated then he is probably not mature enough for you. If he is unable or unwilling to grow up then there is a very good chance that he is not going to be able to return your investment in the relationship. I know I only have half the picture from your previous JE

              • I do agree on the immaturity issues. It does bother me how my boyfriend and his best friend are moving into their 30's soon and still stuck at times with the mentality of a teenager. Combine that with my boyfriend's avoidance of confrontation, and it can be a frustrating situation at times.

                And I appreciate your viewpoint, it's not too much for the poll. It's exactly what I wanted, to get various points of view to help lend some clarity to my conundrum.
        • mmm.... Sean Connery... Robbie Williams... who would complete the cute-but-dangerous trifecta?

          [Robbie has too many tatoos for me, but he's still cute. but dangerous.]
      • Okay, so here's a guy who, evidently, won't tell his friend to, so he says, stop doing something he wants him not to do. Right there to me that says: WUSS! Let me say it again. WUSS!
        AFAIC, if a friend of mine is doing something that inappropriate my time to response will be measured in days, at most. A real friend should be eager to stop doing something unpleasant to one of their old friends. Seems damn near tautological to me.
        Unless, of course, he's just making excuses to you and actually wants his fr
        • It's especially bugging me more because it happened again recently since I chatted with you about it last. (Hence the /. poll) This time more graphic than the last. This is beginning to be a recurring theme; where he doesn't want to offend his friends, so I end up getting hurt.

          All these changes that he uses as an excuse at times, at how much he's changed for me. It just seems to me that the changes would have happened anyways as a process of maturing and growing up, not just because of me.

  • no (Score:2)

    by Abm0raz ( 668337 ) *
    if he was sending whores over or trying to get him to go on dates with other women, then ya. It goes back to the old saying, "Just cause he's on a diet, doesn't mean he can't enjoy reading the menu..."

    -Ab
  • And women need to get over it already.

    Don't like it? Don't look at it. But for chrissakes DON'T take it personally when HE does!!

    Dr. Phil can go stick his thumb up his ass (and send me the pix!!) He's just pandering to his female audience (who *invariably* like to find reasons to get their panties all in a twist). "What's more important: The porn or the relationship?" Oh PUH-LEEEEEEZE!

    ....Bethanie....
    • BQ:

      Is it that your SO *likes* looking at porn but knows that you disapprove, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but doesn't want to say anything to his friend?

      Or is it that your SO *himself* doesn't like the stuff (regardless of your feelings), but doesn't want to admit it to his friend?

      I think it's an important distinction.

      Pix
    • Porn is normal, natural, and healthy

      I agree that porn can bring two poeple closer together by helping them explore fantasies and whatnot. The problem arises when it interferes with the sexual intimacy in the relationship. Which in my case it has. Porn is an easy fix, real sexual intimacy is more complex. The problem lies in that moreso than me thinking the majority of porn is stupid.

      What's more important: The porn or the relationship?

      In my case this is true. When viewing porn has negativly affect

  • Is it disrespectful? I'd say that depends on the intent, the best friend's awareness that you find it objectionable, and your boyfriend's handling of the pictures upon receiving them. From past discussions, and if this is the same best friend you've mentioned before, there is a question of the best friend even being able to understand that you find it objectionable. Thus the intent probably is unrelated to you and solely a male-bonding kind of thing. More important to your relationship is not whether yo
    • I know that the best friend is clueless, and is just doing what he's allways done before. Just now things are different because I'm in the picture. And both my boyfriend and his bestfriend are both learning because the friend has never been in a relationship before and I'm the first relationship my boyfriend has had. So it's new territory to both and there's a lot of change happening in the dynamic of their friendship because of me entering the picture.

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