tomhudson's Journal: Feel free to add your own

Nizo wrote

Ok, so the kiddo got an easter basket today, with some candy and toys, that she believes was dropped off by the easter bunny. She got candy coins at school, supposedly left by a leprechaun, and of course she gets the usual mountain of gifts from Santa every xmas. Is it damaging for her to believe in this freakish array of pretend things??? She turns five in a few months, if that matters.

p.s. I so don't want to be the one who breaks the news to her that none of them are real.....

Here's my inital list of how NOT to break the news ... feel free to add to it.

1. Santa was killed when Global Warming melted his factory at the north pole ...
2. Eco-nuts wouldn't allow culling of wolves, so they were SO hungry they ate the Easter Bunny - and Bambi.
3. The "leprechauns" were really just a cover story for Area 51.
4. The "tooth fairy" was an invention of the candy and dentistry industries - they reward you for eating junk food because it's in their best interests.
5. Snow White really existed, and "you're too young to know what she was really doing with those 7 dwarves". Rent the video when you're over 18.
6. The real reason Kermit the Frog always had a smile on his face - he liked being "fisted" on camera ...
7. Flipper committed suicide.
8. Dino from the Flintstones is extinct - your toothbrush's bristles and the vinyl cover of your school binder are all that's left of his dead carcass,
9. Tony the Tiger doesn't say "Frosted Flakes are greaaaAAATT!" He doesn't say anything. Kind of hard to talk when you've been made into a carpet.
10. If you eat Count Chocula you'll become one of the undead. Look at what happened to Fruity Pebbles - 40 years old and she's still in training pants
11. Does wearing Pampers Pull-Ups make you a "big kid now"? Depends ...
12. McDonalds' hamburgers don't have worms - but you'll get so fat eating them, you'd wish they gave you tapeworm ... and Ronald McDonald just wants your money, which is why he's so buddybuddy with the HamBurglar
13. Speaking of McDonalds, the real reason you'll always see a KFC beside a McDonalds - those "Chicken McNuggets" are made from the one part of the chicken you never see in a bucket of KFC.
14. Never eat a hot dog made in china. They really do eat dogs. They have "farmers" who breed Beethovens for food.
15. On Good Friday we celebrate Jesus' last hockey game - from when they really nailed him to the boards.
16. Parents aren't perfect - but don't worry, you're not one of our mistakes. You really were adopted.
17. A penny saved is a penny earned - minus the $3.95 monthly account fee, means an effective negative interest rate of 3,950 %. Quit while you're behind.
18. The real reason they want you to say the pledge of allegience with your hand over your heart - because it makes it easier for them to pick your pockets.
19. You see that monkey at the zoo behind the bars throwing sh*t at you? He has more freedom of expression than you ever will.
20. The National Debt isn't a problem. It's your problem!
21. The people who died in concentration camps also believed God was on their side. So did the people who put them in there. And the 9/11 terr'rirsts. And BushCheneyHalliBurton.
22. The pope was a member of the Hitler Youth. His excuse - "everyone was." Remember that next time someone invites you to jump off a bridge or something else equally stupid because "everyone else is doing it".
23. We are the next dinosaurs. If we're REALLY lucky, an asteroid will fix it so you don't have to live with the consequences of our actions.
24. That music you "just discovered" that you think is "so cool?" It's from my generation.
25. Your school teacher is probably stupider than you think ... the only reason most of them know the answers is because they have a "teachers buide" that came with the text book, so they have all the answers - some of which are wrong, and if you tell them so, they'll get mad at you.
26. Further to the previous point - if you prove the official answer is wrong, be prepared to be classified as a "trouble-maker". The meek might inherit the earth, but until then, its the dummies who get along by going along.
27. Unfortunately, one day you too will learn that "Prayer for Dummies" is one of the most appropriate book titles ever.
28. Both the greatest strength and the worst tragedy of the US of A is "Anyone can grow up to be president".
29. The saying "Nature abhors a vaccuum" is just another way of saying "Nature sucks the big one!"
30. You'll always have the best comeback line in the world - and it will always be 5 minutes too late.

Not numbered:

[RM6f9]

All the stories about some all-powerful all-knowing all-loving God are exactly that: Stories. Nobody knows why your mom has cancer for the 4th time, if pushed they'll *guess* it's because of her weight, and her behaviors, no matter how "good" (read: "in line with societal expectations"), sometimes called karma, have exactly nothing to do with her life being the way it is. Short version, when people start telling you to have faith, that's when you should start sniffing, because what they're saying smells m

Re:

[tomhudson]

Maybe they should read their own book of Job, and realize that sometimes the best friend is the one who just lends an ear to hear, and a shoulder to cry on.

Some things just suck so much, they just plumb suck the life out of us. That's when we just want people to be around and say "I hear you", and leave it at that. No rationalizations. No justifications. Just sharing the burden by being there.

Re:

[RM6f9]

Job - yeah, there was a reward - be a good and faithful servant, get known/famous for the trials and tribulations you got offered up for by the very One you serve...
Thank you for the ear.

Awesome list

[Neop2Lemus]

is really very, very, grate.