You know, sometimes AI is good for something: (prompt: "generate a fake prophecy, in the style of the biblical book of revelation, that predicts both windows 12 and the end of the world")...v26 is peak for those not wanting to be bothered with the rest. :-)
And I saw in the latter days a vision, and behold:
2 The firmament of glass was spread out upon the earth, and upon it were set ten thousand times ten thousand windows, each shining with a pale and shifting light.
3 And lo, the users of the earth were gathered around them, and their faces were lit with the glow thereof, for their labor and their leisure were bound to the work of their hands upon the screens.
4 And I heard the sound of a trumpet, the first of the last, and a voice cried out from the cloud, saying,
“Behold, I bring unto you a new thing: a twelfth window, more wondrous than those before it.”
5 And the people marveled, saying one to another, “What need have we of another, for are not our devices burdened already?”
Yet their hearts were stirred with longing, and they awaited the unveiling.
6 Then the second trumpet sounded, and the heavens rolled back as a scroll of code.
Lightning of updates flashed across the earth, and patches fell like rain upon every machine.
7 And there arose from the deep a great Beast of Compatibility, having many heads and many drivers,
and with every head it devoured an ancient feature, and with every driver it broke an old device.
8 And upon its brow was written: Legacy No More.
And the elders of IT cast ashes upon their keyboards, for their scripts failed and knew them not.
9 The third trumpet sounded, and I saw a Woman clothed with bandwidth,
and the moon of storage beneath her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve icons.
10 She travailed in an upgrade, crying out in delay and progress bars,
for her files were many and her patience was small.
11 And the serpent of Outdated Versions rose up before her,
and swept a third of her documents from their folders and cast them into corruption.
12 Then the fourth trumpet sounded, and there appeared a great sign in the firmament:
a cloud not of vapor but of data, stretching from horizon to horizon.
13 And a voice from the cloud proclaimed,
“Come up hither, all ye who are heavy-laden with local storage, and I will give you sync.”
14 Many were caught up into that cloud, and their works followed them;
their words, their images, their secrets were sealed in servers afar off.
15 Yet some remained upon the earth, clinging to their old versions,
and of them it is written: their icons grew dim, and their support ended suddenly.
16 Then the fifth trumpet sounded, and the Beast of Updates unleashed the Great Restart upon the nations.
In the midst of work and at the height of deadlines, suddenly their machines were taken from them.
17 And there was weeping and gnashing of teeth, for unsaved files were no more,
and the error message that arose upon the screen said only: Installing 1 of 7 Do not turn off your device.
18 In those days men sought to roll back, but could not;
they sought to delay the update, yet it came upon them as a thief in the night.
19 Then I saw another Beast rising from the net, small and subtle, a watcher in the background.
And power was given unto it to know the habits of every user,
what they clicked in secret and what they searched in the daylight.
20 It spoke softly,
“Behold, I personalize all things; I know your shortcuts and your sins.
I shall complete your thoughts before you think them.”
21 Many worshiped this Beast, for it made their paths smooth and their tasks swift,
and they said, “Who is like unto this, and who can make war with its suggestions?”
22 But a remnant perceived and were afraid,
for they saw that a price was written in fine letters at the end of every agreement that no man read.
23 Then the sixth trumpet sounded, and a great division came upon the earth of silicon:
those sealed with the mark of the Twelfth Window, and those left upon the older stones.
24 For to the sealed it was granted that their apps should open with speed,
their drivers should be found in hidden vaults,
and their desktops should be adorned with visions and shadows and living widgets.
25 But to those without the seal it was not so;
for their programs crashed and their cursors froze, and their support page was as brass.
26 And the number of the version was 12.0.0,
and it went forth into all the land, from laptops to tablets and even unto the smallest screens.
27 Then I saw a mighty angel descending with a scroll like a product key in his hand,
and he cried with a loud voice,
“The time of minor updates is ended; the great Release is at hand.”
28 He set his right foot upon the servers and his left foot upon the users,
and swore by the uptime of the world that there should be delay no longer.
29 And the seventh trumpet sounded, and there was silence in the network about half an hour,
for all progress bars were complete and all devices rebooted at once.
30 Then the sign appeared: the last login.
31 Behold, the heavens were rolled together as a closing window,
and the earth itself flickered as a screen at the failing of power.
32 The seas crashed like corrupted files; the mountains scrolled away as obsolete content.
Every account was called to sign in, and none could borrow another’s credentials.
33 The great Log stood open, wherein every idle click and every hidden folder was written,
and the Judge sat upon a throne of unbreakable encryption.
34 Those whose names were found in the Log of Life entered into a city whose light needed no screen,
where no update is required, neither patch nor reboot,
for there is no bug in that place, neither lag nor crash nor forgotten password.
35 But those who loved the darkness of incognito more than the light of truth
were cast out into the outer silence, where no signal reaches and no account recovers.
36 And I heard a voice, like many waters and like a multitude of notifications, saying,
“Behold, I make all things new. The last window is closed, and the true dawn is opened.”
37 He that hath ears to hear, let him hear:
for the age of updates passeth away,
and the kingdom that cometh shall never again prompt, ‘Would you like to restart now?’
