Either way, you're a fantastic writer, we're still waiting for the Paxil Diaries in print, a signed copy would be awesome.
To be taken metaphorically, of course.
And now you tell me? shit...
[...] flapping your arms and flying to the moon
No, no, no, no, no.
The trick is not flapping your arms, the knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Then getting to the moon is the easy part.
openSUSE centric, Instlux is included on the openSUSE media. Just run the openSUSE_NET.exe at the root of the media to get started !
However, since you would still need to have the CD, I _think_ you could just download the ISO and mount it as a CD Drive with something like Daemon Tools or Alcohol 120% (or copy the contents to a USB key... maybe)
Anyway, I would try with the self boot USB key first.