Have you ever had that dream where you are in a perfectly normal situation, only you are naked? When I was in the womb, I would often be haunted by the dream of being born where I am completely naked in front of all the hospital staff, the doctors, even my parents. What would happen would be complete embarrassment in front of everyone, causing me to scream uncontrollably because it would just be too much to bear.
Well, when I was born, that horrible dream actually came true. Just like the dream, I came out, naked as a jaybird, and there were doctors and nurses all staring right at my naked body. I was so mortified, I had a complete mental breakdown right there on the spot, and started a sort of combination between crying and wailing.
They immediately put a blanket around me, and my parents took me home. The incident filled me with so much shame; I couldnâ(TM)t even muster up the confidence to talk to my folks for another 2 years, and even then just basic words like âmommyâ(TM) or âdoggieâ(TM).
But you know what? Iâ(TM)ve gotten over it. Iâ(TM)ve never accidentally showed up in the nude in any public place. In fact, I never take off my clothing except on special occasions, like taking a shower or doing naughty things with women.
So I was thinking about this today, and it occurred to me that you never see aliens in the movies wear clothing. Human beings are the most advanced species on the planet, and we have all sorts of good shame about our nakedness. Except for the nudists. But Iâ(TM)ve to meet a sober nudist, or even a nudist who was capable of building a space ship. Iâ(TM)ll bet you not one of the NASA scientists are nudists. Perhaps that one guy that caused that Mars lander to blow up. He was probably a nudist.
It stands to reason then that it is an intergalactic truth that shame is directly proportional with technological innovation. Why then, do we never see aliens wearing clothing? It makes absolutely no sense. My dog doesnâ(TM)t wear any clothing, and the lack of shame she has for her nakedness is reflected in her desire to lick spilled bacon grease off the carpet. Discover a way to achieve faster then light travel? She canâ(TM)t even discover a way to let herself out side to poop.
Now, as many of you know, I love science fiction movies, and the more plausible they are, the better. Which means, I want to start seeing aliens wearing clothing. A civilization advanced enough to fly across the universe to visit Earth would have to be so shameful of their bodies, that they cover every bit of skin on their scaly alien exterior. It only makes sense.
E.T. wouldnâ(TM)t be naked like you see him in the movie. Heck, that guy can build a radio powerful enough to escape our solar system using nothing but some kitchen pots and a Speak-n-Spell.
But what you didnâ(TM)t see was E.T.â(TM)s wang. You never see the alienâ(TM)s wang. Here they are naked, but they are lacking naughty bits . Why? Because it takes technology to make a sci-fi movie, and the technologically inclined feel uncomfortable about showing wangs. So we end up with naked aliens with no visible way of reproducing. Thatâ(TM)s just insane.
This whole thing could be solved by showing the aliens wearing cloathing. And for some reason, a reason I don't quite understand at this point, I think that most aliens would wear golf themed sportsware