You have my condolences and sympathies. I have similarly wrestled with those issues and simultaneously had a strong desire verbally destroy bullshit, and the purveyors of the bullshit. Within the hospital there is no lack for this. To cope I read the literature on cancer, at first simply looking for a definition. What is cancer? To the best of our knowledge, after roughly a century of study, it is still a fairly abstract definition that nearly applies as much to weeds in your garden as the tumors of cancer in a body: a malignant and invasive proliferation (growth) that may metastasize (spread). I suppose we can thank the biologists for the lack of meaningful technical specifications as much as the fact that there are thousands of cancer variants, so conflicting evidence and mis-diagnosis is common. The whole situation is depressing. In the end I was not able to impact the situation technically but have retained the curiosity of picking experts' minds as I come across their paths.
What I have found in the mean time is that the placebo effect is too real to ignore. Suddenly the bullshit and the theatre have significance beyond our cultural ties to mysticism and ritual. Feeling good and positive about life is about as important as living it. Ignoring reality in pursuit of your dreams seems like the standard these days, so why not embrace it for a dying loved one? I am partly not being serious, but wondering aloud, why be realistic when reality sucks? Sure, take care of the obligations that you must, be responsible and all that, but that is not very much work. The rest should be spent enjoyably.