Which I'd have thought would have been the problem, but, thinking about it, that should have returned a ton of ads for more Wi-Fi gear, so....

Not when Google is the default option, and everything else seems just as bad.

...going to "increase customer satisfaction", exactly?

Bright-sizing. It's more a side effect of the above (unless, of course, it's the more experienced, expensive talent being laid off), but that's when the most talented see the writing on the wall and abandon ship, because, unlike everybody staying, they know they can get jobs elsewhere. I'd first run in to the term in a Dilbert strip, so credit probably goes to Scott Adams for that one.

...we've now confirmed that some of the best hackers in the world are in DHS...

...I'd imagine any potential buyers are only offering them 2% of what they're actually worth?