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Journal dubiousdave's Journal: communication breakdown 15

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I'm copying my comment from this discussion of dating so that I don't have to go searching for what I said later on.

Okay, this is going to sound really pissy, but try to read it as a friendly can of attitude whoopass. Your exchange with Zirnike has defused it a bit but...

*rant on*

If they feel that there is any chance that she could be suckered into feeling sorry for them enough to say yes for a date, they cautiously set in to see how far they can go before the inevitable rejection comes down.

If I try to make eye contact with you, it is not to try to make you feel sorry for me. I'm deciding if you're friendly enough to be worth my time, and if you haven't already been pissed off by the stupid lines to the extent that you don't want to talk to ANY guys. I have absolutely no interest in a sympathy date, nor in any woman who would make such an assumption. I find that incredibly insulting.

Let me reiterate. I try to make eye contact to see if there is any mutual interest in starting up a conversation. It's an indication of my respect for you as a person, rather than seeing you as prey. I'm not deciding if you're out of my league; I'm deciding if you're worth my time. If you're unfriendly, disinterested, or trying to play mindgames to pique my interest, you aren't.

I don't play percentages. I don't play games. I don't feel it's my responsibility as a man to take all the risks while you sit back, passive and aloof, expecting me to compete for you.

I don't understand how any woman can consider herself strong, independent, and opinionated if she's willing to play the ancient role of the passive female waiting for the dominant male to win her, nor do I understand how such a woman feels justified in complaining that all men are assholes. If the woman's not willing to make any effort to meet men she likes, she gets what she deserves in the dating world -- mostly the assholes who neither noticed nor cared if she wanted their attention. (If you find yourself in this situation, don't come crying to me about it; my shoulders have been cried upon far too many times for this very reason. Do you know how fucking irritating it is for a man to have a woman literally crying like a baby in his lap for hours about how all men are assholes? It gets old after the first 100 repeats.)

I want them to be able to communicate to me that they think I'm attractive

You know, I'd like it if women would do the same.

If he's trying to make eye contact, he is indicating that he thinks you're attractive. When you ignore him, you're indicating that you think he's not.

*rant off*

If, by chance, an attractive, available woman reads this, and if she runs across me somewhere, she shouldn't ignore me when I try to make eye contact because it'll be her loss.

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communication breakdown

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  • you sound like people- female and male who have no heart. they cannot move their lips, smile, or even nod their head. god gave everybody a tongue not to call people ruthless liars or thieves. judge your own tears before you judge anyone else's. thanks to people like you, i cry a lot and god gave us tear ducts for a reason. good luck good looking one.
    • I don't think you really read what I wrote. I'm far from heartless, but I get tired of cleaning up the messes that the assholes make while being lumped in the same group with them. I've never hesitated to offer a shoulder to cry on, even for people I don't know well. I just get irritated when people keep suffering because they're making the same stupid mistakes over and over again, while they blame it on everyone else.

      BTW, I'm not especially good looking, cool, or whatever. I'm just not interested in

    • I'm not sure exactly where you got your impression, but you're reading Dave seriously wrong. I've spent time with him IRL, and that is definitely not who he is. Dave is one of the good people.
  • Reply here [slashdot.org].

    By the way - you haven't hurt my feelings, and I apologize if I've hurt yours. I was only trying to communicate a different perspective to you. I'm sorry if you found my posting presumptuous, or egotistical, that was not the intention. It was not meant as a personal attack.

    Cheers,

    Pixie
    • I was only trying to communicate a different perspective to you.

      Just don't allow youself to be trapped in that perspective, my dear. That would be a waste of a good woman.

      It was not meant as a personal attack.

      Of course it wasn't. No woman can resist my charms. I have the mojo of ten men!

  • Do you know how fucking irritating it is for a man to have a woman literally crying like a baby in his lap for hours about how all men are assholes?
    Depends on if you're both naked or not. ;-)

    As someone who's been both very overweight and pretty freakin' hott (I never get tired of girls telling me how good I look.), I can tell you that even thought most girls say they don't care about looks or money, MOST OF THEM ARE LIARS! I dated a little when I was fat, but since I've lost weight and hit the gym and s

    • Yeah, it's all about the confidence until they see someone who looks like Matthew McConaughey who's too shy to speak to anyone. Then shy is cute, refreshing, sexy, mysterious.
      • Money is a big draw, too. There was guy named Russel I went to college with. He was short, a little chubby, not very sociable, and dressed in silk dragon shirts all the time. I thought he was a nice guy and I was always nice to him, but most of the girls wouldn't talk to him. Until his rich uncle died and left him several million dollars. Then suddenly silk dragon shirts were VERY sexy.
  • I'm deciding if you're worth my time. If you're unfriendly, disinterested, or trying to play mindgames to pique my interest, you aren't.

    And this, dear Dave, is why you're worth my time. You're my kind of man -- and I'm exactly NOT that kind (the mindgame kind) of woman. I never get the women who are.

    Back in my dating days, when I met a man I was interested in (particularly if I thought he might be interested back), I never let him stay confused about the issue for very long. And I'll tell you what -- i
  • FIrst of all, Dave's one of the guys worth the trouble.

    second, being competed over implies an inability to decide, and an abdication of responsibility. Stick to women who accept responsibility for their choices.

    And if they can't communicate, they don't deserve you, because i['ve talked with you, and you can communicate. You deserve better than someone who believes the world happens TO her instead of being an active part in it.
    • As one of Dave's real life roommates, I can honestly say that he is a great guy and deserves a woman who can appreciate his inner mojo.

      As a fellow geek, I have put up with the same psycho bullshit of trying to determine what women wanted and seeing them go for the exact opposite of what they would describe. As Dave indicated, it became increasingly irritating to hear their complaints as they would repeatedly choose an asshole over a great guy like Dave.

      Fortunately, right when I had just about had it

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