Apparently, for MS Windwoes users, it auto-morphs such that the entire lower left quadrant of the screen has a massive CTRL "touchkey", the lower right quadrant is filled with an ALT "touchkey" and the entire top half with a DELETE "touchkey". Supposedly, those are the only three keys you need under Windows to achieve 90% of the productivity with it that you enjoy today on your desktop ...

Always remember that you can set Clippy to be Puppy ...

Monkey Boy still does ...

Clearly you ain't seen what my Tiger did to the sofa!

Has it occurred to you that perhaps she tolerates Windows and hates Ubuntu in inverse proportion to the amount of time each requires her to spend with her husband?

Just use Windows Mobile 7 which steals your data out of the box.

Nuclear weapons were designed by the British and all the UK designs were handed over to be developed, built and deployed by the US to prevent them falling into enemy hands ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tube_Alloys

What our team UK cyclist David Cameron and your team America basketball bloke Obama are terrified of is the public finding out that they don't use the same toothpaste, the leaking of which could end the special relationship and, god forbid, lead to nuclear war.

Yesterday, my friend's 70 year old dad scalded himself by pouring water from the kettle over his hand to test "whether it had boiled yet". Fortunately we didn't miss the match back home, having been fast-tracked through casualty since he's a doctor at the local hospital.

Ah, you'll be needing our DFS [Dog File System] then which is highly optimised for exactly such queries - unfortunately we lost the source during a spate of flying chairs from a well-known UK furniture retailer.

Or kill Flash Gordon to get rid of both Adobe and Intel simultaneously ...

Hmm, my YL went from normal weight to obese in nine months - does this mean she's got it before she's had it?

Is it 2020 already? Christ, that was some New Year's hangover.

Sorry, the declaration was nearly two millennia late due to a clerical error.

Actually, he was awarded a c. $1,500 bonus for each database he'd fixed which (x50) meant he received c. $75,000 well-earned dollars for two or three weeks most excellent work ... The rest of us got some kudos (but no bonuses) and his mum was very proud of his contribution. Coming back to my original point, I'd recommend anyone seriously to consider engaging the services of people with Asperger's in IT endeavours - whilst paying a fair wage - as, despite perhaps being a bit "odd" socially, they tend to be fiercely focused and extraordinarily fast and accurate in matters IT.