Journal dominator2010's Journal: did you know? 2
Since the age of 7 I've wanted to die.
I thought I would die before I was 13.
From the age of 15 until 18 I was unsuccessfully treated for depression, anxiety, and OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder).
I didn't find out that I was A.D.D.(attention deficit disorder) until I was 19.
When I was 21 I was diagnosed as being bipolar.
That they treat bipolar depression with salt and seizure medication.
The next year I could no longer receive therapy or the medication I was supposed to be taking because my father lost his job and I wasn't able to get any insurance for myself.
For over 2 years I have been off medication.
2 years ago when I started this journal I received my gun permit.
Instead of giving up I vowed to write this journal so that I could find if I had any triggers that I could avoid.
Rather than buy a gun I spent all of my money on my vacation to Florida, my drums, and then on a car as 2 cars broke when I came home from Florida*.
When I came home from my trip to Texas in April I became depressed.
These last two months while I wasn't posting I was once again contemplating suicide.
I am now determined once again to overcome my obstacles.
My entire life has been much less than ideal. I think that my attitude can change though once I begin my own life away from the one I currently lead. I understand that a lot of my stress and negativeness stems from my family. There isn't any way around it now except to wait until I can move out. Yes, it is my life, but there is another part of it that I can only imagine the bliss from being detached from my family. I'm supposed to love them, and I guess I do but I'm certain that I could be much better off without being around them too often. I'm also hoping that with moving out I'll also be able to receive health insurance.
I have held off from disclosing any of this information to anyone as people feel differently about life. Others sometimes don't understand these feelings. They've either never experienced those feelings themselves or know much about them. I don't expect this to enlighten anyone or change their minds. It might, but I doubt it. Though it might surprise some and spark an interest or a different perspective on how other people can be looked at. I don't expect sympathy or concern on my behalf. This is an internal battle that no one can fight but me. Things are great sometimes, and other times aren't so great. But so long as I have more time and continue to experience more, then that's all I could want or try to do.
*Note: Before anyone goes and says, "why didn't you use that money to buy your medication?" It's because the money I spent on those things would have only equaled about 2-3 months worth of medication. Yes, it's that expensive and I thought it would be better to spend my money on something that I could enjoy for a while longer than 2 months.
I thought I would die before I was 13.
From the age of 15 until 18 I was unsuccessfully treated for depression, anxiety, and OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder).
I didn't find out that I was A.D.D.(attention deficit disorder) until I was 19.
When I was 21 I was diagnosed as being bipolar.
That they treat bipolar depression with salt and seizure medication.
The next year I could no longer receive therapy or the medication I was supposed to be taking because my father lost his job and I wasn't able to get any insurance for myself.
For over 2 years I have been off medication.
2 years ago when I started this journal I received my gun permit.
Instead of giving up I vowed to write this journal so that I could find if I had any triggers that I could avoid.
Rather than buy a gun I spent all of my money on my vacation to Florida, my drums, and then on a car as 2 cars broke when I came home from Florida*.
When I came home from my trip to Texas in April I became depressed.
These last two months while I wasn't posting I was once again contemplating suicide.
I am now determined once again to overcome my obstacles.
My entire life has been much less than ideal. I think that my attitude can change though once I begin my own life away from the one I currently lead. I understand that a lot of my stress and negativeness stems from my family. There isn't any way around it now except to wait until I can move out. Yes, it is my life, but there is another part of it that I can only imagine the bliss from being detached from my family. I'm supposed to love them, and I guess I do but I'm certain that I could be much better off without being around them too often. I'm also hoping that with moving out I'll also be able to receive health insurance.
I have held off from disclosing any of this information to anyone as people feel differently about life. Others sometimes don't understand these feelings. They've either never experienced those feelings themselves or know much about them. I don't expect this to enlighten anyone or change their minds. It might, but I doubt it. Though it might surprise some and spark an interest or a different perspective on how other people can be looked at. I don't expect sympathy or concern on my behalf. This is an internal battle that no one can fight but me. Things are great sometimes, and other times aren't so great. But so long as I have more time and continue to experience more, then that's all I could want or try to do.
*Note: Before anyone goes and says, "why didn't you use that money to buy your medication?" It's because the money I spent on those things would have only equaled about 2-3 months worth of medication. Yes, it's that expensive and I thought it would be better to spend my money on something that I could enjoy for a while longer than 2 months.
I used to think about killing myself (Score:1)
It sounds like you're the perfect candidate for a job in the military. Go to exotic lands, make new friends, maybe shoot people. The worst that can happen is you get killed, but odds are against that, and besides, everyone dies anyway. You'll get good health care, and money for college, and you can put that "honorable discharge" thing on your resume, and you can get all kinds of jobs all
Re:I used to think about killing myself (Score:1)
I do know that military experience is a great way to find another job. On all the applications I've seen they ask if you've been in