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Journal cyranoVR's Journal: An "Odd Chap" enroute to Kansas 19

Journal by cyranoVR

On the way to Kansas for the fencing tournament two weeks ago, I ended up sitting next to this interesting guy. He was in his mid-20s, had a weathered face (the kind that results from too much late-night partying), one of those small goatees under his lower lip, and unkempt, short blond hair. Let's call him "Tyler" (for reasons that will become obvious later).

There is an unwritten rule that you don't talk to your airplane-seat neighbor until the last 20 minutes of the flight (just in case they turn out to be annoying - duh). Apparently Tyler didn't get the memo because he struck up a conversation before we even left the jetway.

Also, keep in mind that I had just finished a full day's work followed by a nerve-wracking search for an airport parking lot one-hour before our flight departure (that would make for a good JE). I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing nap on my way to Kansas. But it was not to be. (Yes, I should have asserted myself, but I was trying to be polite - d'oh).

Immediately, he began talking about his "great life" in which he never lives in one location for more than 6 months at a time. No permanent friends, no contact with family. He gets to meet all sorts of interesting people. He doesn't have a family and kids to tie him down. 6-week vacation between assignments. Apparently, he's a consultant of some kind. HMMMMMM

It came up that MrsVR and I were heading to a fencing competition. Tyler of course want to know about fencing. MrsVR and I tried to give our standard lecture about fencing, but Tyler kept asking if it's all "parry, parry, thrust thrust" - which I now remember is a line from Robin Hood: Men in Tights.

During the conversation, he kept leaning over really close to me to say things, patting my shoulder, and so on. Meanwhile, I was trying my best to stay in my personal space and and not appear anxious (an impossible feat).

Now the conversation turned to his career. Turns out he is a consultant for a company that helps drug manufacturers pass FDA audits. Yes, you heard me right: he works in pharmaceuticals. Anyway, he and MrsVR had this great conversation about management styles and not "passing the buck." However, I was sitting between them, so Tyler was constantly leaning over towards MrsVR and reaching over giving her a light punch on the shoulder now and again. Deep breaths.

(Incidentally, the conclusions they came to were these: 1) Take the blame for problems so you can focus on solving them rather than finger pointing and 2) Unions are bad.)

Tyler took a look at the airplane safety card. "Check out that chick, isn't she freaky?" he said, pointing out the women using her cushion as a "flotation device." Unlike other safety cards, which use cute cartoons, this card used human models - and they were indeed "freaky."

"Fight Club, man. Great fuckinâ(TM) movie."

Oy.

Now MrsVR got up to use the amenities. As you might expect, with her gone, Tyler and I had an awkward moment. He was asking about fencing again, and if one could actually fend off an attacker in real life - say, a mugger or whatever.

Then he said something about "not knowing how to sword fight, but [he does know] how to joust."

I'm confused. "Huh?"

"You know," he smirked, holding his fist over his waist. "Jousting."

It occured to me that jousting could be a euphamism for jerking off. MrsVR GET BACK HERE.

He noticed my befuddled (disturbed?) expression. "Oh, sorry dude. I've been out drinking with too many Irish guys."

Now I'm starting to wonder...then I remember that scene in Braveheart where one of Wallace's men is about to "whip it out" for a dick measuring contest (Yes, I realize they were Scottish). Maybe Irish guys do joke about that stuff when they're sitting around drunk. Still...

After what seems like an eternity, MrsVR returns. Now we are talking about my career as a programmer (well, MIS Analyst but I always tell people programmer because it's easier). Anyway, Tyler ha some great insight on my career 1) it's just "writing code" and anyone can do it so you might as well pay people in India or Russia to do it for you, and 2) it's boring and you can't get a job with it anyway. Gee thanks.

We also talk about the Internet. He's convinced that the Internet is "bullshit" because why would anyone want to buy some books though it. Maybe some t-shirts, but that's it. I have to admit I had trouble arguing with him on this one. :D

Tyler wanted to know where were we from? New York. Well, not really New York, but Hoboken.

"Dude, Hoboken? Hoboken's known for having the BEST SANDWICHES IN THE COUNTRY."

Ding ding ding

"Really." MrsVR and I were both amused by this. Hoboken is usually known for its nightlife, bars and music. Sandwiches?

"Yeah, dude, there is this great place called Fiore's . They will make a sub the size of your arm - fresh mozzarella, tomatoes, itâ(TM)s the best." For the next few minutes he would not shut up about Fiore's. Gesturing with both hands over an imaginary map and smiling wide: "Best sandwich in the entire country."

Now it all made sense: The odd behavior, non-stop talking, and now his eating habits. Not to mention his career: if you are into the drug culture, why not go straight to the source? Work in the pharmaceutical industry == steady flow of chemical entertainment. Ever see Drugstore Cowboy?

Finally, Tyler got up to "take a piss." As soon as he was gone, MrsVR whispered to me:

"I think he's gay or something - he seems to really like you."

I had already figured out the truth, however ("jousting" comments aside).

"No he's not gay. He's a STONER. He probably sparked a doob one right before the flight."

While he was gone, I busted out the T20 and fired up our just-arrived DVD of Spirited Away. Tyler, returning, saw it playing and commented "Oh, heh, Pokemon?" Argh. He said that took a year of Japanese and demonstrated that he could order a cold beer.

Anyway, he fell asleep...but it didn't stop there because he was a violent sleeper - twitching throughout his nap and hitting my arm a few times. Fortunately, he slept for most of the rest of the flight. When we got to KC, we hooked up with some other fencers from our club at the baggage claim, and Tyler was nowhere to be found.

And I never did get his real name...

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An "Odd Chap" enroute to Kansas More

An "Odd Chap" enroute to Kansas

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  • Once upon a time I was flying back to Miami from NY. Wasn't the greatest of situations to be coming back from, my uncle had passed away. Anyways, I had a cheap seat way in the back row where all I could see out my window was a huge engine making lots of noise. No point in trying to sleep through that and sitting next to me are these two girls who are yacking away, wired off thier asses.

    Long and short of the endless unbeliveable rant they were going on about; a closet lez escaping her husband who deosn't k

  • hrrmmm (Score:2)

    by Servo ( 9177 )
    it's called a "soul patch".
  • Tyler ha some great insight on my career 1) it's just "writing code" and anyone can do it so you might as well pay people in India or Russia to do it for you, and 2) it's boring and you can't get a job with it anyway.

    I love people who have NO CLUE what goes on in the IT industry. I've had people ask me how I can sit at a desk and DO NOTHING all day. A friend of mine actually believes that my job consists of nothing but sending emails all day. I guess people think these networks run themselves. I'm

    • Exactly. Most of my job consists of staring at legacy reports and trying to reverse-engineer them (so to speak). Then I have to go to the department that uses the report and ask all sorts of questions, trying to figure out how their thought process works. But to most people it looks like I'm just "staring at a computer screen all day."

      If I had a white board behind me with all sorts of cryptic notes on it, they would probably be more impressed...
    • Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • Actaully the guy kept saying "I don't have a family to tie me down, that's why I can do this."

        That said, traveling so much seemed to have made him pretty unstable :\
      • I agree. I like to travel, but I don't want to do it all the time. My roommate in college and I both graduated with a Chemistry degree. I took this job as a Network Administrator, and he took a job as lab tech working in the Quality Assurance department at this chemical company. We have both received promotions, and his base salary is about $5000 / year more than mine, and he usually receives a bonus. However, since he was promoted to quality manager, he has to travel about 1 week out of every month. I
      • i feel exactly the same way about my job.

        travel that is vacation-oriented rules.

        business travel is tedious. thankfully i don't have to do it very often. i think i might like business travel if my job were more interesting, though.
  • Does Mrs. VR actually exist? You seem to use her as a witness to your meeting with your alternate self.
    • No the only conection between wacky stoner guy and Fight Club was the fact that he made the obligatory reference to it when he was checking out the safety card. Obviously, this is someone that took that film much too seriously.

      I wanted to say something to him about being a "single-serving friend" but ruled against it...to risky
      • Well, I think it was you talking to you, and you knew that if you said anything to yourself that was too Fight Club you would have shown yourself to yourself as being yourself. Thus, you were very subtle to yourself with just the one reference.

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