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Journal buffer-overflowed's Journal: CrossPost (Sappy): The Plight of the 20-Something Male 29

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I am crossposting this here. A friend of mine, we'll call him Foo, wrote it(orkuters, he's on my friends list, one of the ones without a pic who hasn't signed up yet in spite of badgering). I found it kinda interesting and thought a few of you guys might identify with it and a few of you girls might have something fun to say about it.

    I never had a girlfriend all throughout gradeschool and Jr. High. Not even one of those 4th grade "romances" where you chase each other around the playground and say that she is your "girlfriend" just because that makes you a lot cooler than anyone else. No, not even that.

          I was in my sophomore year of high school when I had my first girlfriend, hell, my first kiss even. Niki and I had been good friends for some time and when she broke up with her boyfriend of some time, I took the chance to jump in and see if she was interested in me. We were together less than a month, but I got my first kiss out of it and we wound up remaining good friends for the rest of our time in high school. Immediately after that I started dating Julie. I dated her for 3 years, I thought I wanted to marry her. I must have been nuts, of course, seeing as how she was an avid animal lover (and PETA member), anorexic (though no one really knew for sure at the time), a militant vegetarian (yes they do exist), and hated her mother with a passion for bringing her up to be a "good christian girl". She wound up cheating on me.

          Since then, I've been with more girls than I'd care to count. It wasn't until I was a senior in college that I actually fell in love again though. I met Kristen and pretty much fell for her immediately, I'll admit it, I was whipped! I was ready to be with her forever as much as I knew. We were together for a year. She said that she felt she couldn't be with someone for a long time and as serious as we were getting without going out into the world and making something of herself, by herself, first. I was dumped for a career. She broke up with me so that she could live the NY city lifestyle that she had seen so many times on TV and in movies. That brings me to the point of this little history. I can't find a girl who feels she is going to be ready for a steady and serious relationship before the age of thirty anymore.

          I'm only 24 years old, hardly "getting up there" in age, but none-the-less, certain things have begun nagging at me. I always thought that I'd be married by the time I was 25 or 26. In all reality, I think that is probably a pretty ideal age to tie the knot. Both parties involved have gone out into the world, made something of themselves (at least to a point) and are generally pretty financially stable. My parents were in that age range when they got married, my sister as well. I've seen marriage announcements for friends of mine as early as my senior year of college, though I think most of those were from the people I found to be none-too-stable in the emotional department while we went to school together. However, I think it is safe to say that the majority of us twenty-something guys are having a hard time finding a good woman of the same age range. College girls are too flighty (I've determined that after a few attempts to date them) thirty-somethings seem to be of the opinion that we are still too immature, and the women the same age as us seem to have missed out on the past 5 or so years of growing up. Let me just put it this way, the vast majority of 20-something women that I have met over the past 3 or 4 years act every bit of 21 years old, but no older. They all seem to want to go out, get drunk and party every single night! Hell, I live in a ski resort and can't even do that while holding down a job! They seem to be regressing as they go along in life, like the perpetual frat-boy/jock stereo-type that you see in so many movies and tv shows. Meanwhile, all the guys I know are concerned with getting good jobs, finding a good comfortable place to be, and meeting a nice girl. It is almost as if the traditional emotions and rationals of the two sexes has been reversed in recent years without explanation. I thought it was us guys who were supposed to be out raising hell in our twentys! Instead, I find myself more concerned with preparing for retirement, maintaining a good credit rating, and moving up in the corporate world. It's as if I've been posessed by a Yuppie!

          Now, I'll admit that I have ALWAYS been and elitest. I'm blatantly classist as anyone who has ever talked to me about politics, religion, or for any length of time for that matter, can tell you. I'd probably make John D. Rockafeller grin from ear to ear with my views on society if he were alive today. But I don't really consider myself a Yuppie (that's Young Urban Professional for those of you not alive in the 80's). I often joke about it and throw the word around, but in all seriousness, I'm pretty much the unsure little boy I've always been. I just happen to make myself seem more professional than I really am. I was dating a girl last winter who thought, at first, that I wouldn't date someone I worked with because I appeared to be, "too professional" to do so. That was said about me by a girl my own age when I was 22. Hell, I was just then a full year out of college! So how does an unsure boy of 22 suddenly become more professionally oriented than most girls the same age? If I knew I'd probably quit wondering about such things so much.

          I'm just worried that I'll wind up thirty years old, single, no kids, and married to my job. Not because I feel I am unattractive, not because I feel that a woman wouldn't be proud to call me her boyfriend or even husband; I don't think either of those things. I'm worried that the women my age will still be out and about as if they were 21 years old still. I don't want to get married late in life, I don't want to have to worry about having a kid going to college right when I want to retire. I shouldn't have to worry about these things, but I, and many other guys of my age do! The scary thing is, there is no solution to our predicament, no answers to our worries. We just have to ride it out and hope for the best. Hope that there is that girl out there who will love me as I love her and will have her priorities straight.

End of crossposted Section

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CrossPost (Sappy): The Plight of the 20-Something Male More

CrossPost (Sappy): The Plight of the 20-Something Male

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  • I can't speak for anyone else, but I didn't know Jack when I was 24 -- I thought I did, but looking back on it, I'm so very glad that I made certain decisions later in life. I thought I knew what "love" is, and how to have a good relationship, blah, blah.

    Now, just wait until I'm 60. I'll probably say the same thing about now :)

    • The older you get, the wiser you get.

      If I live to be 200, I can call 100 year olds young wipper snappers who don't know jack about X... and I'll probably be right. :-P
    • Oh man... when I was sixteen I knew "All", my parents were full of crap/didn't know what was going on now, idiots!! At 18 I really KNEW ALL! Hmmm, 23 I really seriously know ALL! I'm 25... I think maybe my parents had a clue after all [suck]. OK, 28 now, I so _really_ know about: life, the universe and everything is ALL about. Crap 33... I just realized I haven't the foggiest. nutz
  • Kind of uncanny how the stories seem to match my own, especially the part leading up to age 22. Except I generally avoided girls after that freshman year of college episode, quite similar to the one you mention. Complete with the cheating SO. So now it is 6 years after that and I found the source for the mystical and mature, yet not condescending women that men our age seek.

    Church. At least that is where I met my girlfriend. But then it does help to also be a church go-er. A good friend of mine was d
    • I don't understand how people are supposed to meet people at bars and clubs. I especially don't understand people who go to clubs for the purpose of meeting people. I honestly have no idea where a good little agnostic like myself should go to find nice boy (or girl).

      Anyway, from what I understand it goes both ways. There are plenty of immature men out there who can't think further in the future than that great party next weekend.

      Try the grocery store. It worked for daoine and red5. :^)

      • I honestly have no idea where a good little agnostic like myself should go to find nice boy (or girl).

        Slashdot! Pleased to meet you.

        There are plenty of immature men out there who can't think further in the future than that great party next weekend.

        Yeah, their sites are set low. While I know I'm going to Gallup on Friday [homestead.com] and Colorado Springs on Saturday, [exodusattack.com] I've been planning my party-party-party May Midwest Tour and Chicago Headbanging Extravaganza, [metal-musi...dation.com] for months. I'm fidgeting with excitement .. just on

      • The only other advice I can think of is just do stuff that is social and you enjoy doing. Eventually you'll click with someone, and you'll have that activity in common. In the meantime you'll have fun, presumably, which might help distract you from "the quest" which is usually about the last thing you want on your mind when you really want people to be interested in you.
      • Anyway, from what I understand it goes both ways. There are plenty of immature men out there who can't think further in the future than that great party next weekend

        And I was one of them. I was only half-assed looking for someone, because deep down (somewhere) I knew that I would find anyone of real quality at a bar. Or at fancy bar / restaurants. Or any place where the consumption of alcohol is a major reason to be there.

        Meeting people must be where the clubs (as in hobby clubs) and local rec sports t
    • Well, except for the bars and clubs that is.

      To hook up, maybe. For a relationship? You'd have to be nuts.

      Me, I was lucky enough to work for a university (but not as a prof) and not be afraid to hang out with students. Not *all* college girls are "too flighty", you just have to choose them carefully. But without having a lot of time to hang out on campus and get to know them, you're probably better off somewhere else. I don't know where though.

    • Maybe guys should take a class that they're interested in, where they would expect to see women. Art? Music? Sports?

      You are right about church. I was surprised to see it mentioned on an apparently non-Christian show.

      How did that girl know that he was faking it?
      • Well the fruits of the spirit are evident in the flesh. She just noticed that he wasn't acting what he said he believed all the time. And then after they were engaged and were talking with a pastor the guy mentioned that he wasn't really a Christian in his heart. He went to church, but that doesn't mean anything.

        So my friend couldn't believe her ears. The guy, to who she was engaged, had admitted, in front of the pastor that would have married them, that he wasn't really a Christian. God takes full cr
  • Yeah. Been there my friend. I met JoAnne Sophmore year and instantly fell head-over-heals in love.

    And so did she.

    2 years later I'm leaving school and moving home... effectively leaving her behind. I don't know if I hurt so badly that she felt a need for retribution...

    Anyway, fast forward 2 years and we "meet" again and start dating - seriously - again. We dated that Summer and into Fall and then, she changed. I started talking about moving closer and getting more serious and she started talking abou
    • Stay single and enjoy dating. Your special someone will come along in due time.

      Exactly. A buddy of mine got dumped in similar circumstances (she chased him, they were madly in love/lust, had lots in common, etc), not really for a career, but definitely over the whole "I haven't had a chance to live my life" crisis. Unfortunately it was AFTER they were married, so it really didn't work out very pleasantly....

  • I can't find a girl who feels she is going to be ready for a steady and serious relationship before the age of thirty anymore.

    ...
    the vast majority of 20-something women that I have met over the past 3 or 4 years act every bit of 21 years old, but no older. They all seem to want to go out, get drunk and party every single night!

    You lucky son of a bitch.

    They seem to be regressing as they go along in life, like the perpetual frat-boy/jock stereo-type that you see in so many movies and tv shows.

    No, no,

    • I'm kinda with Sloppy on this one. When I was in my 20s I worried about finding someone, not because I thought I wasn't worthy or anything, but because I was too good a friend for any of the girls I met to date. They wanted to use me as Mr. Comfort when the assholes they wanted to date did them wrong.

      I used to assume I'd meet someone in college, get married, and start a family.

      Now I'm in my 30s, and I don't worry about it any more. I enjoy life a hell of a lot more than I ever did in my 20s. I've no

      • now that I generally don't give a shit, girls actually seem to pay attention to me.

        A universal rule. The more needy you seem to be, the less attractive you are. Applies to both sexes. I had friends tell me this repeatedly through college, but I didn't grok it until way later. And even then, it was hard breaking 10 years of Cruuuuuuuush attitude. I mostly had to try my best to bury it. Luckily for me, my inability to bury it very well didn't end up costing me my wife ;-).

      • Hah, I knew the disclaimer would make you all think it was me.

        It isn't.

        I'm the 20-something year old guy in the corner of the bar drinking a beer and laughing at myself whenever I fail and whenever I succeed. I've almost gotten down the not caring bit... Almost. I'm working on it.

        I'm the guy you knew who always had a plan, but never actually executed it.

        I drift until it feels right and then I act. It's the best way to live I've found yet.

        No regrets, that's my only goal in life. I don't want to end
        • Actually, I didn't think it was you. I just thought you posted it to start discussion on the subject. I also thought your friend might read it or at least get the hilights from you.

          Me, I agree with the girls, I'll wait until I'm 30 to worry about it, or just wait for it to happen.

          Good plan. Like I said, around the time you hit 30, you may stop worrying about it anyway. Then it happens or it doesn't. There are pros and cons either way.

        • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • Good entry, it haunted me on my commute so I had to post.

    Being roughly the same age as the lamenter, I have often thought about the same thing. I believe the word he is looking for is "Lady." He would like to meet a lady. I am lucky enough to be dating one and marriage appears to be coming fast. He is not the only one lamenting the demise of the lady. There is a song on the Love Below side of the latest Outkast release along these very same lines.

    Having been around a lady for a number of years ho
  • Man oh man...reading through some of the posts makes me queezy. Let's go back to the basics here fellas:

    --A short story of a Lady and a Gentleman--

    lady ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ld)
    n. pl. ladies
    A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior.

    1. A woman regarded as proper and virtuous.
    2. A well-behaved young girl.
    3. A woman who is the head of a household.
    4. A woman, especially when spoken of or to in a polite way.
    ======

    gentleman ( P ) Pronunciation Key (jntl-mn)
    n.
    1.
  • I think that is probably a pretty ideal age to tie the knot. Both parties involved have gone out into the world, made something of themselves

    i'm pushing 30 and still haven't made anything of myself. i do have a great wife, though.

    part of what makes 20's awkward is that we feel we should be grown-ups, but very little of our lives matches what we'd imagined it would be like. i'm starting to think the next stage of growing up is just accepting that.

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