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Journal TechnoLust's Journal: Super-what? No, Boo and I missed it. 28

Journal by TechnoLust
I had a great weekend. No, I didn't see the Superbowl. Or Janet's breast. Nor did I care that I missed either. I know, I could look it up on the internet, but I really don't care. Everyone at work is talking about it. The look shocked when I tell them I didn't watch the superbowl and don't care about Janet's breast.

Saturday
Saturday, I went up the church and met Boo and her mom. Boo cleaned while her mom and I painted the bathroom next to our new Video Control Room. She had the trim brush and I had the roller. We talked and although I think it was a good talk, I found out some more things that I fundamentally disagree with her on (but I didn't tell her that, yet). She was telling me how she "taught" Boo how to "determine what kind of person someone was by their looks". Excuse me? Now, I tried to give that the benefit of the doubt... maybe I was misinterpreting, but I don't think so. I'm a decently compensated IT worker. I make almost as much as Boo's father, and probably more than Boo's mother. But there have been times when I have been working on my house and had to make an emergency run to Lowe's with sawdust all over me, wearing old nasty clothes, and smelling like I've been working and sweating all day. So, if she bumped into me at Lowe's what is she going to judge about me? Is she going to assume I'm poor and can't afford a washing machine or trip to the washeteria? Maybe she meant by hairstyle or something, but regardless, I just do NOT believe you can judge a person based on their looks. You can make assumptions and maybe even determine a persons line of work or social status, but that doesn't DEFINE the person. I'm going to assume she didn't mean it like that, because otherwise it will really upset me.

So we finished up cleaning and painting, and I went home to change and get the Jager chicken I was marinating and the other things I was going to cook. Then I went over and talked to Boo's dad who was working on the barn (Boo and her mom had to make a trip to Wal-Mart and Lowe's) and while I was out there, I fed her horse and cow. I went inside and saw that Boo's dad had tracked red mud all across the kitchen and den, so I swept and vacuumed before Boo's mom came home, because she usually tears him a new one when he does that and I didn't want to deal with them yelling and I knew Boo would be upset. So then Boo and her mom came home. Boo and I started dinner. We had Jager Chicken, creamed corn, sautéed mushrooms and onions, yeast rolls, and for dessert I made a pastry shell with fresh strawberries and melted white chocolate in it. Then we let it cool down and the chocolate set and put chocolate cool whip on top.

Then we watched home movies of Boo when she was little, much to her chagrin. She was a cute kid. She was really em-bare-assed when they showed the Christmas video when she 4 and her dad filmed her walking to the bathroom and taking her diaper off to pee. She covered my eyes with her hands and yelled at her mom who was cackling like witch (the cartoon variety... I've never heard any of my Wiccan friends actually cackle). At the end of the last tape we watched, there was a shot of the door and her mom and (half) brother walking out, then her brother coming back in. Then he went to the kitchen and came back with food and started watching television. I asked what it was and they told me they taped him to see what he did when he was home alone. WTF? If he's old enough to be left home alone, shouldn't you be able to trust him a little by then? That goes completely against everything I believe about (healthy) family relationships. I told Boo later that night, that if we ever came to the point where we had to videotape our child, I would consider us failed parents. My relationship with my parents is and was a relationship of trust, and I tell my parents what I'm doing, even if I don't think they would approve. Then we went to the church to work on lighting. Then I went home.

Sunday
Sunday Boo told me that her mom had told her to not "act like she was joined to my hip". Her mom told me that even though my Mom is more liberal since I'm older, the same rules apply as when we are at their house. And NO bedrooms. When we went back down to the sanctuary after the service, they told us to not be obvious that we were dating. I don't get it. First, everyone in the church knows about us... I don't see what the big deal is. So I couldn't hold her hand while we were in the sanctuary. But we left from church, so people saw her getting into my car and we drove off, so...

We had a good talk on the way down: we talked about some things that we had wanted to discuss, but never had a time when we knew we would not be interrupted or listened to. We arrived at my parents house about 1:15 and then my grandparents showed up. Everyone loved her. (My grandmother called today and told me that she was "a pretty little girl" and that I should "try to keep my hands to myself", so I wouldn't "run her off".) We had lunch together and then Mom showed her baby pictures of me and pics from when I was growing up. Boo kept saying what an "adorable" baby/kid I was. We went out to see Mom and Dad's new gazebo and the view of the river. My grandparents left and we went downstairs and curled up on the couch under a blanket and watched The Princess Bride with my parents and sister and brother in law. After the movie was over, we packed up and headed back. We called her parents as we were leaving and they said they were at the church at the superbowl party (I wonder how that whole nipple thing went over at church? I didn't hear anyone talking about it when we arrived.) and I should bring her there. So, since it's about 20 minutes from their house we were going to be late. So, Boo suggested I stop somewhere so we could kiss before we got to the church. So I did. Then we headed up the the church and I talked to them for a bit and they didn't seem upset that we were late. Boo's mom was filming people and she told Boo to fix a plate to go. So Boo and I fixed plates and Boo's mom was still filming and her dad was nowhere to be seen, so we sat down and started eating. Her mom came over and said, "I thought I told you to fix this to go." Boo said, "I did, but you guys were busy and I'm hungry so I wanted to start on it now. Her mom said she was ready and made her get up. Well, of course her dad is missing, so she has to stand up and eat until her mom located her dad. Then they went home. I'll talk to her tonight and find out if she was chewed out for anything.

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Super-what? No, Boo and I missed it. More

Super-what? No, Boo and I missed it.

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  • I think you had a copy paste problem there.
  • You're cleaning up the gf's parents' floor now? *giggle*

    Talk about whipped...

    (just fyi, I'm not much better off, so I'm allowed to be snarky :-p)

    As for videotaping the brother... yeah, definitely agree with you there. Sounds like they're not just being protective of Boo because she's their daughter... they're overprotective with all their kids.

    Ah well... she'll be 18 soon! :-)

  • But it seems that most of your entries about Boo are actually about her parents. Or, when you two go out, the JE's are about going around her parents and their reaction to you two going out. It'd be interesting to hear more about Boo, what is she like, what does she like, what just you and Boo are like when you interact etc etc etc.

    • Noted. However, I'm not sure Boo would like it if I typed up what we do when we are alone. ;-)

      But for starters, she's amazing. She is very compassionate. Her childhood was rough, and she feels like her parents haven't been there for her since she was about 10. They don't really know anything about her life since she was 10, so I guess she's right. Most of who she is comes from her own experience and not from learning from them, which is a good thing. She loves music, skateboarding, horses, and water.

  • Don't give her ammo (Score:3, Informative)

    by FortKnox ( 169099 ) on Monday February 02, 2004 @04:37PM (#8162316) Homepage Journal
    Kids her age already fight with their parents. Don't make it any worse for her. I notice you don't like her parents and write up about stuff you don't like. But telling her stuff like "if I ever end up like your parents, I'll feel like a failed parent"? That's not good for your image, her attitude towards her guardians, nor your relationship with her parents.

    You need to mature a bit. Her parents are OBVIOUSLY uncomfortable with you dating her. They are trying their best to get comfortable with it, and having setupbacks. You need to just accept what you are dealt, and see things in a positive light. It'll show her that you can deal with adverse situations with flare, and how you can support a family in the same manor.

    Just remember, everything you say to her about her family (whether she agrees or not) she'll remember. And that day when she turns 21 and start to respect her parents again, or when she has a child and understand how her parents brought her up... what you said could be (should be?) viewed as crass and uncalled for, even if you believe it to be true. Some things are better left unsaid.
    • FK, trust me, I TRIED to be on the parents side. I tried to believe that they really did have a clue who their daughter was and that some of this was just the common "teenage politics" type of thing. But everything she tells me that makes me think she's blowing it out of proportion, they confirm. It's almost like they brag about it. The randomly search her room or her person, they hide video cameras in the house, they give her random drug tests... that's not parenting, that's jail.

      Trust me, I want to li

      • Dude, not to belabor the point, but on the Parentofreakoutmeter, 16yo daughter dating somebody who's in his twenties buries the needle. The only things that score higher involve police, OB/GYNs, and cult deprogrammers. You actually rate higher than most piercings, IMHO, and have the potentially to be more irritating to them.

        Of COURSE they're not being totally rational.Parents aren't SUPPOSED to be rational, they're supposed to protect their kids. When you have kids, if one of them's a girl and she turns 1

      • If I turn out like Boo's parents, I'll consider myself a failiure too...

        Boo's parents should have hauled out the shotgun and run you out of town by now.

        WTF.

        As SolemnDragon keeps saying (verbatim): "brick, meet head."

        Favorite Quote from Clueless:

        "I've got a .45 and a shovel. I doubt anyone would miss you."

        WORDS TO LIVE BY!
    • Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • well, it comes down to cause and effects. If he causes ill, the effect is the parents keep her locked in the highest bell tower until she's 18. So, I say, suck it up, be an adult, and be pleasant, at least until she's 18.
    • I was talking with one of my friends about Technolust's situation - he happens to be a counselor for his Church's youth group.

      He observed that the 20-something counselor/underage-girl hook-up is actually a common phenomena. Just wondering if you have seen this before?

      Futurama Quote:
      Professor: "Some people say I'm robbing cradle. I like to think that she's stealing from the grave."
      • Had to comment on this one.

        Yes, I have heard that and seen it and it's not good. When I was going to youth group there was a lot of the younger girls hooking up with older guys in leadership positions (ie, pastor's assistants, helpers, etc). It wasn't necessarily *just* dating either, but getting to know each other in the Biblical sense.

        Fast-forward to today. The church recently got a new youth pastor who has laid down the law. No one who is a helper, assistant, whatever in position of leadership is a
        • I'm not in youth leadership. I'm help her run the video mixer and we both work on the website.
          • I am sorry. MrsVR was ranting about your journal (she reads it more than I do) and this was something she brought up - but I guess she misinterpreted the relationship.
          • MrsVR was never "ranting" about your journal, as I mis-stated earlier. A more accurate description would be "reporting."

            "Ranting" was an innapproriate word choice, and I appologize to anybody that might have been offended by it. In the context of Slashdot, "ranting" often has a humorous, tounge-in-cheek meaning; however, I failed to remember to that not everyone that reads these threads thinks it as such.

            Furthermore, it was reasonable for her to think that you were a youth counselor, as you were providin
            • I am not in a "mentoring role". I saw someone who was hurting and I went to talk to them as I always do, male or female, young or old, whatever. She liked me before I ever started talking to her about her problems at home. The ONLY reason she opened up to me was because she ALREADY LIKED ME. So, I did not "use a mentoring role to hook up" with her. You and MrsVR have formed an opinion about something you know very little about and are looking for reasons to say it is wrong/disgusting/evil/perverse/what
              • In conclusion: The opinion of you and MrsVR about my relationship with Boo == WORTHLESS

                Well, in post-clusion, our belief is that no matter how "mature" and/or intelligent a 16-year old girl may seem, she shouldn't be dating a 25+ year old EVER. Moreover, there's something wrong with a guy who dates such girls, irrespective of the circumstances.

                As I wrote in earlier postings - if our daughter tries this shit and then does the rebellion thing - putting-of-feed-down, restraining orders, .45 revolvers and sh
                • MrsVR - by virtue of being a woman who has gone through these sorts of experiences
                  So because MrsVR hooked up with an older guy and got hurt, she thinks that every other 16 year old girl out there is as unable to make intelligent choices about her life as she was?

                  if our daughter tries this shit and then does the rebellion thing - putting-of-feed-down, restraining orders, .45 revolvers and shovels are all fair game.
                  Restraining orders and revolvers and shovels don't do a lot of good if your daughter runs

                  • Okay, I decided with your last post that you were not open to reason so I was through commenting. However, cyrano asked me to respond, so I will make one last comment. I think in many ways this is a class issue. Cyrano and I both come from extremely educated, upper middle class families. Pretty much all our family members attend top colleges, graduate school and have successful professional careers. While our parents certainly have problems, both personal and marital, they have managed to impart to their c
                    • I think in many ways this is a class issue.
                      I do too, as you obviously have no class.

                      Cyrano and I both come from extremely educated, upper middle class families. Pretty much all our family members attend top colleges, graduate school and have successful professional careers.
                      Yes, mine too. Both my uncles are highly successful working in the medical field. My oldest uncle sold his practice for several million dollars and has been dabbling in real estate and the stock market, but he's thinking of getti

                    • Parting thoughts: You keep mentioning that nobody can judge the situation accurately except you, because you have the full picture and we don't. That can lead us to the conclusion that

                      1) You are not being truthful with us

                      or

                      2) You are not being truthful with yourself.

                      You are presenting this whitewashed view of situation for public consumption. Well, if you don't want to have people call you on it, feel free to turn off comments at any time.

                      Don't expect to hear from MrsVR and I on this in the future -
                  • MrsVR's account was defaulted to "HTML Formatted" comments, hence the gigantic block paragraph. I had to log in and fix them just now.

                    Apologies to anybody whose eyes imploded trying to read that post.
          • Sorry, I wasn't saying you were in youth leadership. I was merely responding to VR's comment.
            • No problem. Just making the clear to VR, although I don't know why. He's already labeled me.
              • You're correct, we've* labeled you. The reason we've labeled you is because we feel that a 25-year old dating a 16 year-old is not acceptable in any circumstance. The fact that you met through your church and in the context of a mentoring role does not help matters (but perhaps make it worse).

                True, you weren't actually a Youth Counselor - but as I mentioned, this is just a detail. The situation is still comparable.

                I just hope that when the time comes I have the strength and clarity to do what her parent
  • This happened to a friend of mine about 15 years ago:

    A friend of mine had the day off work so he went surfing. On his way home, after being at the beach most of the day, he passed a Porsche dealership and on a whim, decided to have a look at some cars. He was unshaven, in a singlet and board shorts, his long hair was wet and scraggly and he was wearing thongs. After wandering among the cars for a while, he still couldn't get a salesman to come over and talk to him, even though one was eyeing him cautiously

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