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Journal TechnoLust's Journal: Wearing out your welcome: when enough is enough. 22

Journal by TechnoLust
I told you all a while back that I was taking a break from women (beyond friendship) for a while. Well I am and I am enjoying it. Or I was. Funny thing about taking a break from women is, as soon as they detect that you don't want anything, it becomes a contest for some (not all, but some) to try and break you. That's been interesting. You've all heard me mention Nicole before. Nicole is a friend. That's all I want from her. I've told her this. The first night we were in the hot tub, I told her I thought she was beautiful, but I wasn't interested in her body, I wanted to get to know her. She's told me a lot about her life and I feel bad that she's been through all the things she has, but _I_ didn't do them to her and I'm not responsible for "fixing" her. I tried to help her help herself because I do that for everyone.

The thing I don't like about Nicole is how she changes depending on who's around. When the two of us are alone, she opens up and she's great. She's loving and playful and funny. When anyone else is around, she fronts. She puts up a disguise and acts like she thinks they want her to act. She tries to "fit in" and be accepted. I've talked to her about this and told her just to be herself and if someone doesn't like her, not to worry about them. She tells me she feels comfortable being herself around me.

So Sunday she wants to go to the lake with me. I already had a full boat and she was going to have to be back by 5 because the guy she's been seeing had to drive 2 hours to pick up his 2 kids and she was going to go with him. I don't DISLIKE this guy, but he doesn't care anything about her beyond physical. They went over to a friend's house and she told them not to go in the spare bedroom. About 15 minutes later, we're looking for them and they are in the spare bedroom having sex. He also tells her to ask me if they can spend the night at my house because he's 29 and still lives at home and she lives with her dad and neither one of their parents will let them sleep together in their houses. I tell her no, and she get upset and asks me why I don't like him. So Sunday night he's going home to go to bed and she tells me (doesn't ask) that she's coming over at 10pm. I told her I was at the lake and we might not be home by then. She's like, "Well hurry, Jason's going home to go to sleep." Oh, so I'm responsible for entertaining you when your boyfriend is able to? No one told me! So she's at the house and she tells me she feels like I'm her second boyfriend and that she connects to me on an emotional level that Jason just can't compete with. So she wants to have the emotional intimacy with me, and physical intimacy with him. I know WHY she does this, it's a protection thing, but it's NOT healthy and I'm trying to make her see that. She told me I'm her best friend and she loves me, but she hasn't even had enough time to get to know me.

So last night, I just want a Nicole free night. I haven't had one in a long time. Not that I don't enjoy her company, but I have other friends, you know? So I went over to Pat's house. LeAnne and Chris went and we cooked Chicken Casserole, Garlic Mashed Potatos, and green beans. Then we were going to watch Meet the Parents and Meet the Fockers back to back, since I'd never seen either. I'm sitting there enjoying the movie with a full belly and Nicole calls. "What are you doing?" Just ate, watching a movie at Pat's house. "Oh, really? I was wanting to watch some movies with you on your couch tonight." Oh, well, let me ask Pat if he minds if you come over and watch with us. No he doesn't. So she calls back 15 minutes later and asks what I'm doing. "Uhh... Still watching the movie." She wants to know if she can bring Jason and his 2 kids. I ask Pat if it's ok. He wants to know how long they will stay because he needs to put Sydney to bed and she will not want to go if there are strange people around. So I ask her how long and she's like "Forget it, he's gong home." So she calls like 5 times total and asks me what I'm doing each time. The last time I say, "Talking on the phone because I can't watch the movie." So she shows up and she's hungry, so I fix her a plate from what we had left over. She's been drinking and she's a little slurry (she didn't drive, someone dropped her off.)

So we're on the couch cuddled up after she eats and the movie goes off. She says she wants to go to my house and watch another movie. So we walk outside and she pulls out a a cigarette. I say, "Don't light it, you can't smoke in my car." She said, "Everyone tells me I can't smoke in their car, but they always let me anyways." I said, "Well, I don't care what you usually do. You aren't smoking in mine because I hate smoke." She pouts for a minute and then we go to my house.

So we get to the house and she wants to get some beer. I tell her it isn't a good idea becuase she's already pretty goofy. She says it's ok because she's staying at my house again. She has a stain on her pants where she spilled something she was eating, so she asks if she can borrow some shorts or pants to wear. So I walk to my room to find something and she follows me. I get some sweats out of the drawer and turn around and she's standing there in her panties. I hand her the pants and she puts them on. We go to throw her pants in the washer and we walk past Don's old room with his stuff still there. She says, "Clean this out so I can move into it." I'm like, "No, we're cleaning it out to make room for a ping pong table.

We go get on the couch and everything is fine until Chris and LeAnne come in there, then she starts acting differently. All of a sudden she's like, "This is too intimate, I have a boyfriend, you need to move to the other couch." What? I said, "It's late, I'm just going to go to bed." "No, don't go, it's not that late." "I have to get up at 6am, it IS late if you don't sleep all day." She does that a lot, she'll say something that makes me look like I'm trying to get with her in front of other people. So I went to bed.

This morning I text messaged her and wrote, "Your pants are in the dryer. As of last night, you wore out your welcome at my house for a while. I will not be disrespected in my own house. I'll tell you when I'm ready for you to visit again, but there will be no more keeping me up late when I have to work. I'll talk to you later." I hate to be like that, but it's to the point now that I don't even want to be around her when we aren't alone, and being alone has it's own challenges. I think it's best if I just stay away from her for a while.

This discussion was created by TechnoLust (528463) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Wearing out your welcome: when enough is enough. More

Wearing out your welcome: when enough is enough.

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  • You don't have to answer your phone, you know. You wouldn't answer your phone in a movie theater to answer a non-emergency call from somebody that you really don't feel like talking to; why would you answer your phone in the middle of a movie with Pat&Friends?

    You can do it. You can let it ring. Or reject the call. She'll still be there when the movie's over.

    29 bloody fucking minutes since I have last posted successfully.
    • Amen.

      Let me add that since it's your house, you make the rules. If she keeps pushing you to do things or agree to things, she may need a clarification of the rules.
    • But I had a 30 minute goddamn wait to reply.

      Maybe mine wasn't as sensitive as yours:
      DON'T ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE WHEN YOU WANT SOME TIME AWAY!!!!

      What do you think? :)

      lowercasemurderlowercasemurderlowercasemurderlow er casemurderlowercasemurderlowercasemurderlowercasem urderlowercasemurder

  • When I see or hear stories involving people calling them on their cell phones too much, I always wonder: why don't you just turn off the cell phone? That's what I do. Is it a work phone that you have to leave on? If that's the case, could you see it was her calling and just not answer it? Again, that's a tactic I employ a lot. :-)

  • SomeWoman is totally right.

    2nd,
    This morning I text messaged her and wrote, "Your pants are in the dryer. As of last night, you wore out your welcome at my house for a while. I will not be disrespected in my own house. I'll tell you when I'm ready for you to visit again, but there will be no more keeping me up late when I have to work. I'll talk to you later."

    Wait, WHAT? You TEXT messaged that? Shit, your thumbs must be tired!

    Or did you really write: "yr pnts R N teh drier. AOLT, dnt cm bk 2 my haus, pn
    • hey, I TXT Like that! Coolio! haha

      See Mr. TL, what you should do is send her to my house. I have an easy way to deal with the ones like that. Fuck them hard in the ass, then literally kick them out of bed and your house. Go to bed.
      • I never knew you were such a gentleman. Letting them into the bedroom? Far more worthy of a fuck in the downstairs bathroom it sounds like to me.
    • "yr pnts R N teh drier. AOLT, dnt cm bk 2 my haus, pnk...."

      Ahahahaha that's great. Spelled in leet would be even better!

      jason
    • Well if I don't answer she keeps calling until I do, and leaves messages and texts me. But I think that might have bee solved now, she should be awake now, and I haven't heard from her.

      As for the text messaging, I have ezi Rapid Entry on my phone, so it takes about 1/10th the time to type all that when texting. Yes, I use correct spelling, punctuation, and capitalization when texting.

      • You and I might be the only ones who do that when texting.
        We also both like dark beer IIRC.

        Are you a reincarnation of me?
        • you aren't dead yet, how can I be a reincarnation of you? :-)
          • you aren't dead yet, how can I be a reincarnation of you? :-)

            I don't believe in reincarnation, but if I did I would answer as follows:

            When I die, my soul leaves not only my body, but the whole space/time continuum altogether. When it is reborn, it can re-enter the space time continuum at any point in history, thus multiple incarnations of the same soul can co-exist. An extension of this is that the same soul is re-entering history all over the place and we are all reincarnations of eachother. This would
      • She keeps messanging because she *knows* you'll eventually answer.

        Tonight, don't answer. At all. If she texts you, ignore it, turn the phone on "Silent" mode if she keeps calling, and just enjoy a nice evening alone (as in, no body but you).
  • I think it's best if I just stay away from her for a while.

    Good call. The whole emotional manipulation thing is just a big sign of lots of baggage. The chick has baggage and she wants you to carry ti for her. You are not her emotional bell boy. Take the signs from your 3rd base coach and steal out of there.

    As far as the phone goes (and other have said it) I woudl have just quit answering after the 3rd call. That is just too immature to handle and it probably pisses off the oehter people watching the

  • bah (Score:2)

    by elmegil ( 12001 ) *
    She tells me she feels comfortable being herself around me.

    Don't believe it for a second. She's softening you up to be her backup plan when Jason kicks her out for being too psycho. No woman I've ever seen who pulls the different faces game is worth the trouble. Hell, when I would do the same thing around women I liked vs. my friends, I wasn't worth the trouble.

    You done the right thing. Make sure you stick to you runs.

  • Ever hear a friend tell you about a situation that you can tell is VERY BAD ... but they don't see it as clearly because they are involved directly. Well, from an outsider's perspective---and I have absolutely nothing to gain or lose from this---you did the right thing. Stay away from that girl! That whole situation sounds like trouble.
  • You sure can pick 'em! I'd say give up on females for quite a while, or let someone else (like a trusted friend, maybe Pat) pick them for you.

    ^_^

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