SolemnDragon's Journal: Wicked's Letter to Santa

You saw it here first. The following is the text of Wicked's letter to Santa.

"Dear Santa.

Thank you again for the lovely toys you left last year. Good Solemndragon and Evil Solemndragon both say there is no such thing as you, but they couldn't explain how the rifles got there or the reindeer prints on the veranda. Mr. Henries says to say hi to the pretty reindeer chick and sorry about missing her party in June. We were busy.

I told him you know that already.

Mr H says M,.SDZF zxdfbvg dZX46 (his typing skills are teh suck, and he drools on the keyboard.)

So he says you would have trouble too if you had camel feet on your hands, and then he says something i'll get in trouble if i repeat, but it involves yer mum. I told him he can't say that about Santa's mum, and he says he's sorry, he didn't really mean it.

Thank you for the rabbit last year. Mr. Henries and i named her 'orangutan,' just to be difficult. We call the vet and tell them we needed to make an appointment for orangutan. They always get so upset. We used to have a paper kite we named Howitzer, but it got rained on during our infamous Howitzer&Smith&Wesson experiment and now we're not allowed to play with cornstarch any more.

We don't keep so many pets. So we're glad about the rabbit, and we promise not to make her fur blue any more.

Mr. H. says we gots to tell you about our favourite holiday rituals. Our favourite holiday rituals are the fireworks in the stockings, but i still say we should be allowed to set them off before breakfast. We shouldn't have to eat cereal at two in the morning just to make something explode.

Mr. Henries' favourite is the orange nog. It used to be egg nog but the eggs are icky when they're raw, so now we make orange nog. Really it's just good orange liqueur with allspice and cinnamon in it, but we're not supposed to know that. Good mixes it with milk so we can pretend it's eggnog. We drink it, but then we drinks everything. We will leave you some orange nog this year. We meant to last year but we got thirsty and drank it all while we were sitting up waiting for you. We're sorry we fell asleep. We always fall asleep. We think Good might be spiking the orange nog, but it's yummy so we drink it anyway.

This year we would like to ask for something different, but we think we better come visit you to talk about it. So we will be dropping by after the Conventions are over- Good and Evil are going to the twin conventions! Mr. H. and i are going to a much more fun one. Do you want we should pick you up anything? What are your favourite comics? Do you like WarCamel? Mr. H. has an autographed first edition for you, but he held the crayon in his teeth so it's got drool spots on it.

Djiesakl arSEase6 BR9r

oh, come on, Mr. Henries! that's not nice!

Anyway, it is our hope that this finds you well, and we just wanted to say we'll be by after the conventions to see you. We can't eat cookies or cake or anything so we'll bring YOU some gluten-free ones, and some orange nog, and that comic, and some other stuff we found for you. We have been trying very hard to be good and have done some of our homework and even gave back the baby jesus from the sisters of utter suspension of disbelief's nativity scene. In fact, we felt so bad that we gave them extras. If you see today's paper about the nativity scene with the shepherds and the thirty-two baby jesuses instead of sheep, that's our good deed.

Mr. Henries says to say that we should all go sledding sometime. He says we should have a sledding party. He wants an elf for the holidays but i told him he can't have one. He cussed and said he wants a different thing, then, and we agreed to argue about it later.

We will see you soon!

With much fond affection,

ARMY OF ONE

(Wicked Solemndragon)
(Mr. Henries says to say AND MR. HENRIES.)
(MR. JACK HENRIES THE FIRST)
(ESQUIRE)
PS(i told him that means he's a lawyer, he says you know, cause you and he went to your first years of law school together before you switched to pre-med. Did you really go to school with mr. H? We're gonna fax this to you, so it will get there immediately. I promised we would. Thank your secretary for the idea, he TOTALLY knows his office stuff.)

WSD

Hey!

[ryanr]

The Twins gots last names!

(And excellent avoidance of the term "camel toe", BTW).

Ahhh... bricks!

Bad SD

[SiliconJesus]

You made me snarf Mt. Dew. Its not plesant to try to clean up Mt Dew from one's laptop once it has passed through one's nose.

*sigh* and i was worried i was losing focus...

[SolemnDragon]

Yep, i still got it!

Good to know i haven't lost my touch. Making the whole world snarf, that's my mission. (i've already got this week's episode written, i just have to type it up)
*grin*

Re:Bad SD

[TechnoLust]

You think that's bad... I laughed so hard milk came out of my nose, and I haven't drank milk in months.

Same here

[Ashtead]

Fortunately I wasn't drinking coffee or anything like that, so I can hold off getting a NEMA 6/IP67 rated, waterproof keyboard this time.

Thanks for the laughs!

Re:Same here

[SolemnDragon]

yay, comments like that keep me writing on the bad days. :)

i have this WHOLE plot thing sorted out... but first i have to get the twins to and from the conventions. Those will go on my website, though.

sol

Re:Bad SD

[Pirogoeth]

I learned long ago that before opening up one of Sol's JEs, to finish swallowing whatever I am drinking and to put the vessel far away so I don't accidentally pick it up and take another drink until I have finished enjoying the article.

Thanks again for my morning chuckle!

n/t

[stattouk]

You know, I hardly ever bother to post here - I just lurk and read others' stuff - but everytime I read one of your entries, it brightens up an otherwise dull day, so thank you.

Re:n/t

[Lovepump]

Indeed - Each day begins with a trip to penny arcade and Solemndragons journal. My mother has started reading it recently, too...

good stuff !

[sparky4]

and a pleasure to end my worknight on such a funny note ! I may just dream of Mr. Henries today.