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Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: A short note on parallel parking (and blinder) 19

Journal by SolemnDragon

Blinder gave me permission to write this entry.

In fact, he recommended it.

I wish to make, on his behalf, a statement about him that will shock and disturb many who know him.

BLINDER CANNOT PARALLEL PARK.

Oh, no. We're not talking, "Let me wait for traffic to pass and try it again."

We're talking, "Fifth time's the charm! Oh, wait, i'm on the sidewalk. Hang on, i have to start over. Did i hit the truck, too?"

Blinder cannot parallel park to the point where local homeowners hide their porch swings, for fear he'll run them over.

I always thought he was just being antisocial in parking lots, parking so far away from everyone else. No, this is actually the kindest thing that he could possibly do under the circumstances.

Now, he drives a car perfectly well. He does fine even in Boston traffic. He can get you there just fine- so long as you don't m ind leaping from a moving vehicle in front of wherever it was that you were trying to get to.

I'm not kidding about the, "fifth time's the charm," bit. We went someplace the other day and he tried to park in front of the apartment building where i live. He's not sensitive about it, which is good, because by the fourth time, ("Hang on, i think i need to try it again, my wheel's on the curb.") i was laughing so hard i couldn't sit up straight.

That's when he started telling me the about his dad's legendary inability to park. Apparently, their family is uniquely afflicted.

To sum up: He drives a car better than i ever will. But when it's time to stop the car, just jump. It's probably safer, and he'll still be trying to park when you get back.

(He does really have a sense of humour about it, and may even offer stories of his worst attempts if you ask nicely.)

What scares me is when he says, "You know, the same thing applies to my math skills."

No, blinder, don't worry about it- i'll calculate the tip. Today's a terrible day to die by being stabbed by a waitress.

This discussion was created by SolemnDragon (593956) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

A short note on parallel parking (and blinder) More

A short note on parallel parking (and blinder)

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  • Calculating tips is easy. My standard tip is 20% if the service was good. Excellent service receives more. Poor service gets 10%, terrible service gets $1. (I've had to get up and refill my own drink at a "family restaurant" before, he got $1.) If you keep it in multiples of 10%, it's easy. 10% of $54.63 is $5.46... you just move the decimal. So for 20%, you double it... $10.92. Surely even blinder can remember that! And if not, he should buy a cell phone like mine, it has a tip calculator built in.
    • That's my trick! I demand royalties for using it, and am filing a suit against you for compensation for damages resulting from your giving away of my trade secrets.
    • Poor service gets 10%, terrible service gets $1.

      WTF? So this moron has given you shitty service, and you give them extra money on top of their salary? What message is that sending? I don't get it. If they screw up, then give them nothing. Hell, if they're just doing their job, give them nothing. If they go above and beyond the call of duty, then give them a tip. That's what it's for -- to reward good service.

      • That's what it's for -- to reward good service.

        Not here, wait-staff are so abysmally paid that they depend on the tips to survive. Personally, I tip the same way no matter the service. If I tip you 20% when I get terrible service, I've guaranteed you'll remember me in the future and give me better service. I don't think I've ever gotten bad service twice from the same waiter or waitress.
        • Not here, wait-staff are so abysmally paid that they depend on the tips to survive.

          So I gather. Not my problem. I still won't tip in North America unless I get good service. It's the job of the establishment owner to pay thier staff, not the job of the customer. If the staff can't negotiate a decent amount of pay with their employer, then fine. But don't expect me to make up the difference. I refuse to support a broken system like that. I'd happily pay higher prices to cover the cost of paying staff prope

      • You give a server nothing and they think you just don't tip, or they think someone stole it off their table, you leave them $1 or even better, $.01 and it sends the message, "I tip, but you don't deserve it."

        I don't know about in the UK, but in the US waiters and waitresses only make $2.15/hour, which is less than half minimum wage. Tips are expected and 15% is the de facto standard for tips if they "just did their job."

  • If he weren't such a sellout, I know of a place in MD that could teach him this invaluable skill.

    (BTW, didn't know you had a troll. Nice.)
  • Now, he parked just fine until we got our current car. The hood is shaped in such a way that you cannot see the front of it from inside the car. He has always had a tendency to get too close to other objects.

    So one time, we were using the parking garage at work, which requires the use of a passcard to get the gate to activate. Well, my husband thought he could drive close enough to the card reader to just wave the passcard from inside the car and get it to activate. Wrong. He had to get out of the car anyw
  • All street parking within two blocks of my work is metered. I'm dutch, so I don't like paying, so I park on the next street over, which is unmetered. Everyone else working on that side of town has the same idea, so unless I get to work very very early, the only spaces left are too small for large cars. I drive a small car, which can only just fit in spaces too small for most people to try. If I don't try, I have to park two more blocks away and I'm too lazy to walk that far.

    So, out of necessity I've become
  • pull up so that your rear bumper is lined up with the rear bumper of the car you wish to parallel park behind and so that you are only slightly further from that car than you wish to be from the curb.

    turn the wheel all the way to the right.

    keeping the wheel all the way to the right, back up until the halfway point of your car is in line with the back of the car in front of you.

    turn the wheel all the way to the left.

    keeping the wheel all the way to left, back the rest of the way into the spot.

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