Safety Cap's Journal: Pulling Teeth

I called today to move our phone service to our new place and replace my speedy cable connection with *choke* DSL.

I imagine that hell is when every time you interact with someone, you get spammed. That is exactly what calling the phone company is like.

SBC: Welcome to SBC, blah, blah, my name is blah, would you like to blah?
Me: Uh, I want to arrange to move my phone and --
SBC: Certainly, I can help you with that. I need to tell you about our great programs.
Me: But --
SBC: First, we have the basic package, which I don't recommend, that only allows 20 calls a month.
Me: I --
SBC: Next, we have the premium package that includes, call waiting, caller id, spe --
Me: I want the package I have now.
SBC: --cial friends and fam --
Me: I want the same package that is on my account now.
SBC: --mily, free long dis --
Me: I WANT THE SAME PACKAGE I HAVE NOW!
SBC: Oh, you want the same pacakage you currently have?
Me: Yes.
SBC: Okay, I see that you have call waiting and that's about it.
Me: I don't need that. Take it off.
SBC: It is only $4 a month.
Me: No, I don't want it.
SBC: Okay now about long distance providers, I recommend you stay with us, because we offer a great plan, including --
Me: I don't want any provider.
SBC: Well, then we'll just put down SBC.
Me: No, I read the notice you sent me last month that you were charging a minimum amount per month, so I don't want any provider.
SBC: Ok, we'll put you down for our basic service, which has a higher rate, but no monthly charge.
Me: (steam rising from collar) Fine.
SBC: Now, we offer a cell phone plan that you can combine with your new serv--
Me: No, thank you.
SBC: You get a free phone.
Me: I don't want it.
SBC: Well, you can get email and caller ID, and --
Me: I don't want cell phone service.
SBC: Okay, we have a promotion for DSL.
Me: What is the line speed.
SBC: 384 up and 1.5 meg down, for $xx
Me: Yes, that's what I want.
SBC: Okay and we have the wireless modem for --
Me: No thank you, I want the wired modem.
SBC: The wireless modem is $50, and you get --
Me: I want the regular modem.
SBC: The free modem?
Me: Yes, that's right.
SBC: Okay, do you have a computer that has 64 meg of free space?
Me: (sigh) Yes.
SBC: Do you have at least 256 meg of RAM?
Me: Yes.
SBC: Is your processor have at least 800 meg of speed?
Me: (stifling laugh) Uh, yeah.
SBC: Okay, great. What operating system do you have?
Me: Linux.
SBC: What windowing system?
Me: Gnome.
SBC: ...
Me: I have the Gnome "window system."
SBC: Do you have a PC or a MAC?
Me: (ah!) Yes, I have a Windows PC.
SBC: Windows?
Me: Yes, Microsoft Windows.
SBC: Okay, do you have DSL equipment?
Me: I don't have the modem or the line filters, but I have everything else.
SBC: Okay. So to review, you ordered blah, blah, with blah and blah.
Me: That sounds about right.
SBC: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: (Taking an M-60 to the executives who told you to "sell, sell, sell!") Oh, no, I think that should be fine.
SBC: Thank you for calling, etc. Good bye.
Me: Bye. -click-

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Having never used a mac

[insanecarbonbasedlif]

I tell all the techs I use a Mac. Then I say, "I know how to set it up, I just need this info", and they give it to me, because they *can* help someone setup a mac, they just aren't very good at it...

comcast

[nocomment]

I had similar experiences with comcast (at the time at&t) cable.

ME: My internet isn't working
TECH: ok what version of windows is it?
ME: IT's not windows it's OpenBSD.
TECH: we only support Windows
ME: Fine, it's not the computers problem it's yours
TECH: Well we can't help you if you aren't running at least Windows 98
ME: Fine I'm in windows 98 now
TECH: on the same computer?
ME: Yes
TECH: You can only have 1 operting system per computer
ME: ...

OMG WTF LOL!!!!111

[Safety Cap]

You can only have 1 operting system per computer

You actually met the Master Technician!!!!

Re:OMG WTF LOL!!!!111

[nocomment]

The funny thing is, they actually walked me through troubleshooting the windows networking stack, even though I was having the same problem on another OS.
Now I had worked a few bob [catb.org] jobs in my life and knew what all the screens looked like, so I was walking around my house telling her what all the screens said even though I was nowhere in front of my computer. My wife thought that was funny, but wondered how I knew what to say. I figure I've logged around 10,000 hours (at least) in internet phone support,

Re:OMG WTF LOL!!!!111

[Tristor]

That is why I like MediaCom cable service, when you call their tech support, they let you do the talking first, and most of the people working there have some idea of what they are doing. And if I don't find a tech I like, I just ask for one of my friend's who works there (and he will cooperate with me). Tristor