I'm not some super-fucking-nerdburger like you are. When you can explain to me, in English, how I can get a C compiler onto my tablet without having a Ph.D in computer engineering, then I might take notice.
If you believe that you need a Ph.D to do this, you're in the wrong forum. A bachelor's degree, or just plain ol' persistence should suffice.
Federal grants are offered for... research into the recreation potential of interplanetary space travel for the culturally disadvantaged.