I like to put on my foggy old codger act to coddle them along;
"Start...run....event....viewer.....Oh, it's not good, I'll never remember all this. Do you want me to go to the computer and you can talk me through it? Oh, that's so good of you. It takes so long to start up, my grandson built it for me, but I don't know how to use it, really.....Oh, I think it's stuck, I'll have to turn it off and turn it on again, that what he always tells me to do, hee-hee-hee...etc, etc..." ...While I fire up my here's-one-I-prepared-earlier VM that they can (usually) finally figure out a way to get me to let them connect to before they eat their own headsets out of sheer frustration.
Then WireShark tells me their IP address and I tell /b/ chan what that IP address is. It's usually around then that some civic-minded soul out there fires up the low-orbit ion cannon and then they usually have to find another ISP. It's always entertaining to watch what happens to their website until that happens