Ok, I need to get this out so that my mind can stop spinning out worst case scenarios.

Namely I feel very insecure in my relationship with my boyfriend right now and that leads to me worrying about things.

Right now my mind is spinning on about my boyfriend's relationship with a female coworker. Namely, she's the one he eats lunch with most afternoons. When he swings by the snack machine and gets cookies, he gives her the extra one; and when it's not cookies it's pieces of dark chocolate that he keeps at his desk. She joined our group at last weekend's music festival and got along famously with my BF's little sister, and loved the band Ween, that my BF most wanted to see and that I skipped to see Matisyahu. She's thin, peppy, perky, lively and doesn't come with the baggage that I have with 3 years into this relationship.

So I guess I feel a bit threatened, and wonder if my boyfriend sees greener pastures or is just blind that his actions could be construed as flirting. As a couple of weeks ago, while watching a football game my boyfriend didn't want to hang around while our group was figuring out the check and I found him talking to two girls at a table across the patio. Namely my attention was brought to it by a guy in our group, wondering what my boyfriend was doing overthere. Me, I had just thought he went to the bathroom. But watching him talk lively to them and seeing their body language, the girls definitely thought he was coming on to them, while I pretty much know that he just likes to talk and socialize. So I walked over to him and told him to come join our group to say goodbye to some friends that were taking off. Immediately when I got back to the table I saw the girl he was sitting next to lean back in her chair and change her body language from leaning forward towards him. Walking home I told my boyfriend that the girl he was talking to thought he was flirting with her, and he said that that is why he doesn't get drunk, because he like to talk to people and it can be interpreted as flirting.

So I know that his actions are probably innocent, but it still makes me uneasy. And I don't know how to talk to him about this, to have him help quell my fears, without him getting defensive and mad at me for being jealous and trying to take him away from all his friends.

Blah, not to mention that he's mad that I asked him to help fix my hat that he bought me at the music festival. Because his sister tackled him and he fell into his coworker and all three of them ended up in a pile on the ground on top of my backpack squishing my new cowboy hat. He thinks that I'm trying to guilt trip him into fixing the hat that he gave me and making him feel bad about an memory he was happy about, having his little sis tackle him, and mad at me for wondering why his sister didn't have the forethought to avoid the chair with everyone's stuff on (because it started raining, we packed up the chairs and bags and everyone's things were on one chair to be off the wet ground. So it was a large open space, with one chair at the side of our group.)

Well, it took me a while to write about this. And thanks to everyone's comments in my last JE and for the supportive e-mails, sorry I haven't replied to any of them.

It turns out that at 2:30ish in the AM my boyfriend called leaving a voicemail saying that he wanted to talk. I woke up at 4am to find the message. Proceeding to the airport as planned, I end up getting my boyfriend on the phone when he called me during my layover in Houston. So while I'm sittin gin a hallway by the gate I listen to him tell me how much he misses me and that after talking things out with his dad and other people that he's decided to give the relationship another go at it. And follow my suggestion of the DVD seminar. Though talking with his dad he realised that he was letting the drama with his older sister and best friend cloud the issues in our relationship, as well as he has a habit of not wanting to tell people things he thinks will hurt them. So he let his frustrations build up until the boiling point of wanting to break things off. So he said that he will work on that.

The whole conversation was kinda odd in that,he was trying to make up with me, but he was th eone to break things off. It seems like it would normally be the other way around with the dumpee trying to mend things.

Anyways things are going a lot better. I've noticed that my boyfriend is much less defensive in discussions, a dramatic change it's like night/day. And he's more into the mode of solving things as a couple and coming to a compromise.

The thing is that the issue of commitment is still up in the air and he veres away form that topic whenever I bring it up. As I don't know where his commitment level is and if he's just going to break things off again after the DVD's are done and if he deems them to not have worked. That leaves me a bit uneasy. Breaking up sucked, and to have my heart torn from my chest only to have it handed back hours later...I don't want to have that happen again. I was the walking dead going to the airport that morning. And on my return trip I had those sad feelings resurface as I was walking through the same halls. Insomuch that I didn't want to go home when I got back to Austin. So I went to a local bar/grill and sat on t he patio drinking margaritas and reading waiting for him to get off work. So he got home, took care of the dog and walked over to where I was. We had a really good chat, talking for a couple of hours, then went to dinner at a new sushi place. And I was glad that I made the decision to not walk into the apartment without him, because I didn't want to connect the negative feelings that I had that previous night to the apartment. So walking in with him it didn't feel empty as it did when I left. Also it helped that when I was gone for the weekend he rearranged all the furniture in the living room, so it felt like a bit of a different apartment when I got back.

There are still things that we are working on. Like romantic gestures, as he spent the weekend hanging out with his little sister and had a better weekend with her than he ever took me out on a date with. So he agreed to give me an uber date weekend. And work on things because he did find it easier to do special things with his sisters because he doesn't see them too often, and since I'm everyday it's easy to fall into the habitual lazing in front of the TV and not going out.

It also helps that he's getting increasingly upset with his older sister and best friend. I think that anger will help him fuel his assertiveness and help him grow in that area and help him learn to maintain his boundaries better. He's pretty pissed off that they don't respect his decision of what person he chooses to be with.

Well.

My (ex?)boyfriend is sleeping over at his dad's place.

I'm flying out to New Mexico tomorrow morning for the weekend to hang out with my sister and get some space for us both to think about things.

We're going to talk more when I get back on Monday.

This fucking sucks.

Well last night sucked.

My boyfriend got home started asking me about my day. I told him a bit, we sat down and I told him about my counseling appointment and how I didn't want to take her advice. She suggested that I take a break of putting energy into the relationship and to let my boyfriend know that. IT seemed too much like an ultimatum that I didn't want to tell him. But I did because he asked and I won't lie. Then he went on saying that he's so tired by noon just thinking about how our relationship is on the rocks and it's draining. And how he doesn't like that we argue a lot. That the only relationship that he has to gauge ours is his parents, and he says that they never argue like this. Ya I don't like arguing either and want to improve communication. And I try to let him that he doesn't know if his parents argues. They were together fro around 5 years before they even had kids, and tack on another 10 before he is old enough to comprehend their relationship dynamics and that gives him comparing a couple that have hat 15 years of marriage to work on communication to us, and we've only had nearly 3 years of dating to gauge our relationship by.

So, he ends up telling me that he doesn't know if he's ready to be in a relationship.

Ya that sucks. So the conversation goes on and we talk about things. Going nowhere really. He says that he doesn't know what else to do. That he wants to see me happy and that it seems like everything he does makes me sad. That he doesn't want to feel guilty when he calls his sisters and best friend and knows that he'll have to tell me and see the reaction in my face. Yes I admit, I do have a reaction, but I told him that it's not because you called. It's hearing about them reminds me that the people my boyfriend loves the most have rejected me and want me gone. (Ya, they've told him numerous times to leave me) And I let him know that I understand how frustrated he is and how hard a situation he's been placed in by his family. And that they know exactly how to push his buttons and they're pushing hard. Because they know that I'm expendable and that my boyfriend won't get rid of them no matter how they treat him, but me, I can easily be tossed aside. So they call him names and tell him how he's a bad friend and brother and he goes to them to try and mend things and I try to mend things with his friend and try to get along with his sisters and I get the flack that I look upset when he mentions their names.

Then there's nothing more to say really as it's just him saying he doesn't know what to do and me coming up with a list of 1001 things that are possible. But he sees how easily it comes to me to be in a relationship and do the little niceties that couples do and he's frustrated that he can't even remember to ask me out to lunch.

So then we take a break from talking. I go pour myself some Knob Creek over a mug of ice and take the bottle and my cell phone to the balcony. So I call my dad and sip some whisky and cry. I'm just crestfallen that my boyfriend doesn't even want to try. My dad has some good words of advice and we talk for over an hour.

Then we have to go to dodgeball. Driving over we don't say anything to each other and my No Doubt CD is playing. It's near the end of their best of CD and it's where the break up tunes are playing. IT seemed oddly fitting to hear "Don't Speak" and " I kinda always knew I'd end up your ex-girlfriend". A soundtrack fitting to the mood.

After dodgeball we get home and go to bed and talk some more. He's upset that things are broken with his family and that they will never be fixed that his sister will forever hold a grudge over me for the unkind things I said in my blog. See, a month or so ago his best friend was hanging out with his sister and he showed her my livejournal, namely this entry. And my boyfriend didn't remember what I wrote and has asked another friend of ours about it and she said that I didn't say anything too bad. But he doesn't remember what I wrote only that I was insensitive and put personal issues where his sister could see and that he wishes that I could have talked to him more about it first. And how he'll never know what I wrote because I had already deleted my livejournal when he asked me to when all the online drama escalated. So I grabbed my laptop and logged on to /. to show him, because I copy all my livejournal stuff here (because I write all the things here that I can't say in my LJ blog because I don't want to talk poorly about him or people he knows in a forum where they frequent). I read it first to refresh my memory of what it is I wrote and told my BF that it wasn't about his sister, but best friend that I was referring to. So he reads it and apologises for something he said earlier, that I don't write anything nice about him in my blog. He doesn't even mention anything more about me being insensitive to his sister's sensitive nature, he just says that he's tired and wants to go to sleep. It's 1am and I can understand and let the conversation go until we have more energy the next day. Though I couldn't sleep and I don't think I fell asleep until well after 2.

This morning we seemed in a bit better spirits. And I made a pot of coffee as he took the dog out. Comfort in the familiarity of the morning routine. He took the trash out, I got the laundry in my car for after work and I met him by his car to give him a goodbye kiss as we're off to work. I felt comfortable kissing him again after all that happened last night. Because I won't give up on him even though he's given up on himself. For all the hardships and troubles that we've gone through, I love him and believe in him and know that he is capable of anything he puts his mind too. He just has to believe in himself first. And it's hard to have my voice of confidence in him come though all the static of negativity that his family and friends are surrounding him with.

So this morning I ordered some DVD's. And if that doesn't work, then I'll concede. Because ya it does seem like it's me against his family, them trying to break us up and tear my boyfriend away and me trying to hold the relationship together. And that they'll win if I leave.

Ok, not a good way to go to sleep arguing with your boyfriend. Evidently he got upset when I remembered a bit of something that happened last year that a friend reminded me when she visited last weekend. That she had commented on when we were camping last year, how my boyfriend's best friend had brought up the size of condom my boyfriend uses and that I thought I was funny that someones best friend would be concerned with how large one's dick is. Then my boyfriend got all upset that I was making a comment that he felt he had to defend his best friend against. OK, I didn't really get this part seeing that I through I was bringing up something funny and he got upset at it. I understand not wanting me to bring things up that he feels the need to defend his friend against. But this case of him feeling he needed to defend his friend when his friend was making fun of him for using Magnum's?!? I didn't get this. If I was talking shit about his Nicaraguan Girlfriend coming over on a fiance's visa so that they can date..that I could understand...somewhat (because my boyfriend thinks this is a fallacy too and openly states that). So the conversation denigrated into arguing about drama and how he thinks that we bring more drama into our lives that his friend and sisters do. OK, I got upset at that one too. Since all the effort into fixing things seems so one sided. My boyfriend changing and going out of his way to mend things, and me trying my best to get out of my comfort zone and offer an olive branch to his best friend only to have him lie to me and turn it down. I'm frustrated that my boyfriend's sisters and best friend are throwing fits and talking behind his back, only to have my boyfriend then go out of his way to mend things? I just see that as making things worse. If they throw fits and insult my boyfriend and me, and it gets my boyfriend to do something that they want, I just see that it perpetuates that action and will lead to more fits from his family and friends in the future. And the fact that right now we're just staying in Texas so that we can mend things with them. I find that that gives all the decision making to others too, again further reinforcing that if his family argues with him and picks fights with him then he will stick around and do special things for them.

So ya that was all running through my head at 4am this morning and so I couldn't sleep until the alarm went off at 6. I'm just fed up at all this drama instigated by his best friend and perpetuated by his sisters. yes his best friend added fuel to the fire back in December by talking to my boyfriend's sisters, complaining about my boyfriend and myself to them without talking directly to my boyfriend about the problem. Further compounded by my boyfriend going to his sisters for advice on how to fix things between me and his best friend. Then blah blah drama in the spring, drama over spring break, drama over Easter, drama seems to spring up monthly. And I'm sick of it. It's putting tremendous pressure on my boyfriend and me and it's not helping our relationship one bit. My boyfriend thinks that we just need to step back and be patient and his sisters and best friend will come around. That he thinks if he fixes his relationship with his sister that then he can address why she's upset with me. Ya, she was visiting Austin, his best friend showed her my livejournal and she got upset about something I wrote. whatever I don't know, my boyfriend won't ask.. But I do know that I kept my Livejournal PC because I know that people my boyfriend knew read it and I didn't want to disparage them publicly in front of people they know. I post more things here in /. for the semblance of anonymity or whatever. So online drama further complicating things. So on my boyfriend's suggestion I deleted my livejournal. IT took me an hour to go by one by one deleting all the entries. Whatever, a small task if it would being peace and quiet to my life and my relationship. And then my boyfriends other sister ask him to ask me to stop reading her myspace when he made a comment or whatever about it. OK, again I'm a bit taken back because it's posted publicly and she would rather let complete strangers read her sparse entries that her brother's partner. Again their actions aren't following what they say. She said to my boyfriend that she doesn't have a problem with me and then she's uncomfortable with me reading things. Whatever, I agreed not to because my boyfriend asked not because I agree with her.

I'm frankly fed up and all this drama makes me want to run. I don't like living in hostile territory with things looming over my head like they are. And then last week when my boyfriend's best friend lashes into him with an e-mailed tirade on how he's a bad friend and doesn't hang out with him or e-mail him or IM him anymore. And my boyfriend comes home upset and vents to me at how upset he is with his friend, that he does call him. But his friend always says he's busy and will call him back and doesn't. And on the rare occasion that he does it's always at one minute after his free minutes start. And my boyfriend is' upset that his best friend is so cheap that he won't spend $5 for cell minutes to talk to him. And that he doesn't reply to his e-mails, when all he e-mails out are links for cars on e-bay and pics of cheerleaders and other web junk. That his best friend doesn't take time out to write to him, it's pissing him off. So the results of his best friends rant...my boyfriend putting effort out to reply to the links, and IMing him while he's out walking the dog.

I just wish that everyone would stop all this back biting and drama and just talk things out and communicate and clear up all the miscommunication and gossip. But my boyfriend and his family are all non-confrontational, so they don't talk about things, just ignore them and pretend that it didn't happen. And then my boyfriend blow up at me upset when I'm trying to talk things out with him and he actually has to face the truth of his family's behavior rather that sweeping it all under the rug like he's always done in the past. Yes, there is something to be said for forgiveness. But forgiveness and ignoring problems are two separate things.

Relationships are hard enough and work without all the additional stress of his family going through growing pains and turning that pain and frustration towards me and my boyfriend.

Wow I got through writing all that without crying. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I usually cry when I vent like that which makes it a bit awkward when I write while at work. Whatever...

Dear Senator/Representative.

There is a concern that is on my mind that seems to have been overlooked by the Senate/Congress. (As it seems like the current administration are just errand boys fulfilling the interest of Big Oil.) And that concern is of reducing Greenhouse gas emissions. It is a problem that is affecting the American people gravely as shown by the numerous natural disasters form last year. And I desperately hope that this year the Gulf Coast will be spared from further tragedy.

I'm trying to do my part as I've been saving up to purchase a 70 MPG scooter to for my daily commute. Just a small effort on my part now, and I plan on making further personal decisions with always taking into account the effect that I have on the Earth's fragile resources. Even more so now after I've seen Vice President Al Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth.

It is the duty of every human being to take the necessary action to allow future generations to thrive by understanding the far reaching effects of our actions now. And that includes taking a hit in the pocketbook if it means saving the planet for our children and our children's children.

Thank you,
Me

Hmm, stuff

Well, things are going pretty well. I was really impressed that last night I was able to have good discussion about a touchy topic with my boyfriend and it didn't escalate into an argument. Communication is tough, especially avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling (called the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse by John Gottman in his books). I find it hard too trying to keep calm and trying to actively use the communications skills that I'm trying to master.

It was a talk about how my beau and I are going to handle the escalating problems with his sisters. As his older sister is being stubborn and cruel, saying things akin to that she's not going to consider him a friend anymore and that he's a bad brother. And I see how it's difficult for him that his sister's are rejecting me when he's integrated so smoothly into my own family. My beau frequently calls my sisters and they him. They get along very well and this weekend of the 4th he's of course coming along to the quasi-family reunion camping trip. Because it wouldn't be the same without him there.

However his sister can't understand why he's going because "they're not family". And how he's put so much energy into visiting my family without visiting his own. Now my boyfriend admits this as true as he hasn't visited her, always her travelling to him. So in the next week or two he's going to visit her for a weekend on a trip of diplomacy to try and smooth things out with her.

Also there's the issue of how I want to move out of Texas, and him as well. Well at least until last weekend, when he talked to his dad. Now it's the consensus that it'll be easier to fix things with his sisters while in the same state and that moving 1500 miles away will just escalate things. I do agree with that, it just leaves me feeling a bit trapped in the mean time. I really don't like the feeling of being excluded and disliked, that I get from his sisters and best friend. It does make me want to leave post haste, because I just figure why put up with that kind of negative energy. (Oh and my beau says that his best friend doesn't dislike me, he just feels uncomfortable around me...I don't' really understand this. I know there's something underlying the discomfort and what that is?!? Whatever)

Anyway. I'm really looking forward to these upcoming 5 days in Portland. I really need a vacation. And who knows, maybe Portland will blow the socks off my beau and he'll want to move there post haste. Ya, wishes. I don't even know if I want to move there yet. And my boyfriend's even more uncertain of things. He's right now torn on how he feels the need to go to Australia fro 4 months on a working vacation because he doesn't want to regret not going. Because he keeps talking about how he wished that he would have done it while in college, taken off abroad over the summer and not have any other responsibilities but to explore. That the rub. He has responsibilities now that he didn't then, namely me. That he's not wanting to regret something else completely, now unseen, if he does go off abroad. He's always had the idea floating off in his head of going off by himself (camping or whatnot) to find himself. So ya, the 4 months would be without me.

I'm not sure what's going to happen. Because I'll do the long distance thing if it's what he needs to be a better person. But I will not do the take a break thing. I think that's bullshit. Take me or leave me, I won't put up with second guessing. SO another possibility that I foresee is that I'll take the job in Portland and move in with my sister while my beau is out on his walkabout. Then we'll find a new place in Portland, to give the city a whirl and see if it fits.

Yep, a lot on my mind. Vacation beckons.

Well, my 2nd interview went well last week. I felt that they were trying to figure out what department would be the best fit for me. And I was right. I just got a job offer.

A job offer. Weird. It took me 8 months last time to get a job and this time I got one without even trying.

I told them I wouldn't make a decision until the 7th after my beau and my trip up to visit Portland over the 4th of July weekend.

Damn these butterflies in my stomach. So many possibilities for the future... is this the path to take? We'll see...

Well I finally got an appointment with an MD so that I can look into getting medicated for my ADD and recent bout of depression. It's such a fucking pain in the ass, all this HMO bullshit. I've called all 4 doc's in my area and they aren't accepting new patients. The closest MD that accepts my insurance is a 90 minute drive. So I've resorted to accepting that I'd pay out of pocket and called some person I found online. And they had a cancellation so I've got an appointment for Friday morning.

Depression sucks. I keep wondering if I should include the argument I had with my boyfriend in the SMITE (/. moment in time) group post. Just that my boyfriend's upset at how negative I've been lately. And I let him know that ya, I understand that because I've been depressed for months now. And he asked why I hadn't brought it up more often. And he doesn't even know what depression is, that I've had to make him promise me that he'll look it up, and that was last Saturday and he keeps coming up with excuses like he can't look things up at work. So I put together an e-mail with a bunch of links that he probably won't read. Because he didn't read anything before when we were having relationship issues and all that nonsense from last year.

Whatever. I'm off work now and get to go home and sleep.

The job in Portland that I interviewed for last Thursday called me up yesterday and offered to pay for me to come out there for a 2nd interview.

Though I do feel a bit guilty, because as things are, I'm leaning so I won't take the offer.

Updates and stuff


Well, lots going on and whatever.

Last Thursday I had a really good interview with the water group in Portland. They were thrilled that I was more interested in the people side of things, like project management rather than design, because it seems like most of the other candidates liked design and they had openings in all 3 divisions. But it doesn't look like I'll take it if I do get the job as a combination of them having a shitty retirement plan coupled with my boyfriend not wanting to make a decision for relocation until fall after we've seen both the Portland and San Diego areas.

Friday I was able to get off work early and went with my boyfriend to go catch X3 at the drafthouse. I'm such a geek, I love all those comic book movies that are coming out now days. Especially the X-men as I always watched that cartoon as a kid. Later that evening I was a bit pissed that my new cell phone didn't come in the mail. I called Fed Ex and they said that they attempted delivery, ya at 8:30 when I was home but the driver listed the package as undeliverable because no one was there to receive it. So I registered my complaint, not that it'll do much good. But feeling helpless that I couldn't get to my phone till Tuesday sucked, and I didn't want to just do nothing.

Saturday was a friend's wedding. So I dropped the puppy at doggie daycare, and enjoyed leisurely getting ready for the trip without having to worry about whining puppies. And the wedding was small and nice. I got to meet some more of my boyfriend's friends from college and they were all really nice and chatty and we had a great time.

Sunday was the hangover. One of the girls the night before had brought a bottle of the cosmopolitan concoction that she had made for the bachelorette party that she had left over. And me not liking beer, ended up drinking most of it. I found out later how that wasn't such a good idea as I deposited it along the road side a couple of places on the drive back to the hotel.

Monday, I took my boyfriend and puppy and went out to watch the Triathlon happening conveniently within walking distance. It was pretty cool and helped solidify my determination to do a tri sometime in the future. I'm also interested in doing adventure races too, as that looks more fun to me than running a marathon. There is an urban adventure race next month that I'm hoping to drag my boyfriend out to compete with me in.

Oh ya, and the weekend before last I took my boyfriend out for paragliding lessons for his birthday. Tons of fun, though me knees are still recovering from all the running around that hill.

Clarence: in Harlem
F*#@ the Kidz

Clarence: Counting
One, two, three

What Would Jesus Brew?
WWJB?

Married: With Jesus
Man, I love that whore.

Beat Kids At the Butcher
Beat Kids

The Boogie Noggie Bunch
Egalitarian Communes Breed Dissonence

Well, I haven't updated in a while. It's been a busy couple of weeks.

2 weeks ago my dad visited me for the first time since I moved out. He hadn't been to Austin before and was very surprised at how un-stereotypically Texan it was, and had somewhat the same vibe as LA. It was good that he got out as he hasn't had a vacation in a while and tends towards holeing up in his lab at work and not coming up for air. Being the workaholic mad scientist that he is.

The next trip that he has planned is for my sister's first bout, as she just tried out for a rollergirl league and made it onto their freshmeat team of newbies. It's awesome, as she has a blast kicking bitches asses, blowing off steam after work during practices. Putting her 6'2" frame and basketball blocking abilities to good use on the rink. I can't wait to see her play too, but I'm not sure when I can schedule a flight up there tha tcoincides with a game.

Last week I was out at my boyfriend's family's house for Easter, and I had a surprisingly good time. As previously going over there has equated to drama, and doominess. This trip was pleasantly doom free, and low on the drama scale. I had a good time chatting up his mom and helping out with dinner. Oooo, I also made a non-dairy tofu double chocolate cheesecake pie. It turned out really good and was exceptionally easy to make. It had the texture of a french silk pie with the tartness of cheesecake.

Then last night was kickball. As I enlisted myself and my boyfriend for a coed sports social league for kickball and in the future dodgeball. It was so much beer laden fun, as our team was a conglomeration of people who didn't know each other beforehand (unlike some coworker teams) so we had a blast chatting over beers and tacos pre-game, then segued to the bar afterward for a pitcher or two of XX.

One of our teammates ended up chatting up another team that was at the bar, and we have a losers exhibition game set up so that we can play/practice with each other. As my team lost 2-12, and their team lost 1-13. So basically it's an excuse to BBQ, tailgate beforehand and then play a rowdy game of kickball with the amazingly over-sized ball. Too much fun. I have planned to bring out a water cooler full of margaritas to share with everyone. As there are a couple of girls (including me) that aren't big fans of beer and would like an alternative as most forgot to bring their jack and coke out for the first game.

As for right now I'm pretty tired and silly, as I use the silliness to combat the sleep deprivation. Which I'm sure bugged my boyfriend a bit this morning as I was singing the effervescent-vitamin-drink song as I mixed up a cold glass of b-12 laden fizz. Then that song segued into the shnappy crocodil song that they've been playing on the radios in the morning. Ah, good silly times.

Ok, my boyfriend doesn't understand why I'm a bit insulted that his father asked us if we needed to use the bathroom before we went to the resturaunt last night.

Huh?!?

I have my Master's degree and Professional registration in Civil Engineering and someone asks me if I need to pee?!? Ya I take that as someone treating me as a child. Even my BF's mom did a double take and glared at her husband a bit after he said that one. And I didn't say anything at the time in respect for my boyfriend. But fuck! I'm not a kid, don't treat me like one.

It makes me wonder how my BF doesn't see that as a problem that his own father treats him like he's still 10. He just shrugs it off as "oh it's just dad". Whatever, anyones dad won't learn if you don't bring it to their attention. I would have told off my mother or father if they had asked me that question. It's not just that it's his dad treating me like a child it;s that anyone would treat me like a child when I'm an adult, I deserve more respect than that and I will stand up for myself.

Like how yesterday my BF's dad shows up to our apartment unannounced and my boyfriend has to tell me while I'm in the shower so that I don't come out naked in front of his parents. Well I wouldn't if they had enough courtesy to call in advance. And my boyfriend didn't even question his parents about that, and it was that he didn't even think of it until I brought it up.

People will treat you like they always have unless you let them know that it's not OK anymore. My boyfriend doesn't get this concept.

I'm thinking of going to dinner with the family. Just to spite the sister. Fuck them, right now I'm deciding to be a part of my BF's life and her childish manipulations aren't going to work on me.

That's what my BF's mom told him is that it seems like his sisters are ganging up on him. All for their perceived greater good and all for the happiness of my boyfriend. Because the sisters think that I'm manipulating my BF and taking him away from his friends and family.

So I also guess that in part I don't want to give his sisters more fodder using my absence at dinner as a ruse for them to try and show how I'm such a bad person, trying to tear my BF away from his family.