[Family] And suddenly we are three...

Journal jawtheshark's Journal: [Family] And suddenly we are three... 20

Journal by jawtheshark on Thursday August 18, 2011 @07:44AM

Unfortunately not in the way most people of my age increase their family size. Not that it's even remotely within the possibilities given my wife has to get regular X-Rays.

As always this requires a bit more explanation as I haven't updated you on any of the events in the last year. Let's first start with the end result and then I try to explain it. I now have a 19 year old on my hands living in my spare bedroom (also known as "my office", which obviously lost all functionality to me). This person is my brother in law and he's one kind of a cookie. You might remember his as a former WoW addict . Don't worry, he stopped doing that kind of drugs. *sigh*.

I'll try to keep this as short as possible. Basically, the first signs of going down the drain was this WoW addiction and I for most part blame mother in law being unable to stand firm to her (then early-teenage) son. You do not write excuse notes for school for you son when he has been up playing WoW all night. What's the only conclusion a young kid can make from such a situation? Basically, "Hey I can do whatever I want"... Resulting in a "middle-school-dropout".

He basically resulted in a youngster completely out of bounds and out of control. Usually, problems increase when these type of people get access to easy money. Well, most of that age don't get all that much money in their hands, right? Right? Well, no wrong. Not in this case. For this you need to that there "is" another sibling. The "is" are in quotes, because he's dead. He drowned in his car. I have never known him,, and from what I gather he had his share of problems, but basically got enough grip on his life to actually have a job and some decent education. Of course, his legacy lives on in a very bad decision he made. A decision he made because he thought "WTF, it's not going to happen anyway". He got a life insurance and due to the terrible divorce their parents went though, he decided that the money would go to my wife in case he would be heavily disabled and in case of death, his 10 year younger brother. Obviously, a 9 year old doesn't get the money, so it was locked by the insurance on an account for when the kid turned 18.

That nobody saw this coming (well, I did... I have warned them before, but regarding this family I feel like Cassandra) doesn't surprise me at all. His mother should have contacted the insurance company and taken steps so that he couldn't get this money at 18, as he was already trouble then. Of course she didn't and what happens when a partying teenage gy gets hands on money? The bad friends he (then undoubtedly already) had, turn to even worse friends.

Last year around March (Guess when he got his 18 years?), he pretty much started to freak completely. I know, because my wife wasn't home yet and I had my own share of problems. I got paranoid calls in the night asking about firewalls and stuff like that, not rational questions mind you. Later, when my wife was just at home, I've seen him in is worst state. He came over to us and I don't remember the reason. He was so out of his mind, including pure paranoia and a train of thought that jumped like a squirrel on acid that I'm pretty sure he was high on Cocaine. All the signs were there.

A week later he was in closed psychiatry. (Now really, haven't I seen the inside of hospitals and psy-wards enough in my life, yet?) I don't even remember how long he was there, but it was pretty fucking damn long. My wife (still highly disabled then) went to visit him every fucking day. His mother or father? Are you dreaming? A few times, perhaps.

I pondered writing a journal about this back then, and decided against it. I can't really remember why, but at the time it didn't seem to be a good idea to post it. I should have, would have made this journal shorter.

At least this stay calmed him down a bit. I had long, very very long conversations with him. Contrary to his father and his mother, I have enough "distance" to keep my calm. So after he got release (and being out of the influence of my mother in law, who is a abusive. Not that she hits him, but it's psychological and verbally. My wife is still suffering from that when she did it to her), he got better. Yes, he lived still with him, but I tried to convince him with the notion that he should keep low profile and not even try to argue with her. He was too late to get accepted by a school, so he worked on and off for the company of my father in law and the company of his uncles. Over that period, everything seemed to get better.

I'm pretty sure he stopped drugs after that except for pot (I'm okay with pot, if used in a reasonable way, as normal people do with alcohol) and alcohol. My mother in law is the definition of vindictive and irrational, so I don't think he has a nice time there. He tried staying at his fathers several times, but that was bound to fail. My father in law has a "new" family, which means smaller kids and I'm convinced that he treated his son as one of them, which you can't do with someone that age.

A few month ago, his mother kicked him out. We hosted him on the couch for a night. The next day he had an appointment with a school to get accepted again. Do you think any of the parents would have gone with him? Don't answer that. I did, I drove him there and went to see the lady from social services there. Everything went pretty well and I did explain the family situation as I saw it as "an outsider" and put a good word in for him. What matter is, he got accepted and he can go back to school in September. Given his age on an "adult contract" which means he's basically got to keep very low profile and stick to the rules at all costs. That night he went back to his mom.

For me, the was up was visible. Of course, it wasn't long before the first cracks in the wall started to appear. Two weekends ago, I get a call, and he's stuck in vicinity of Karlsruhe. He went to a music festival (okay, I'm fine with that) with "friends". Fine... Except of course, everything took a wrong turn from day #1. I'm not going into the details, but he took 600€ with him and he lost basically all of it the first day. Who even takes that much money with him to a festival is obscure to me. His "friends" abandoned him and he was there with basically no money and no ride home. Mother in law when he called her to pick him up? Basically, "Screw you, it's your problem". I can understand a lot, but nothing in my mind can understand a person who abandons her son at 200km from home with no money and no way of getting home. That's where I come in. I spent the best of my Sunday to pick him up and bring him home.

Last Monday (a holiday here), I get another call from him. This time, his mother and her brothers made sure he got kicked out and the police was on the way. I told him to cooperate and I'd come and pick him up at the police station when everything was done. You have to know that since a few years there is a law in effect here that allows battered wives to call the police and escort the abusive husband away with a restraining order for 10 days. As I found out, this law is actually abused for to kick kids out of the home too. Basically, she declared he threatened her with a knife and he claims it's not true. Has this happened? I do not know... I know their fights tended to escalate, but she also is the worst drama queen ever. Anyway, he's banned from home for ten days. Mother in law also has the right to refile in 10 day and then he gets a 3 month restraining order.

I also called his father, or better said his new wife who is one of the most reasonable people in the "family". Basically, I got confirmation of what I suspected. Showing up drunk at work, not notifying when he leaves for driving lessons, spreading an uneasy feeling amongst the (female office) employees. (Hey, waddaya know... a 1.9m 120kg guy who does what he wants *is* pretty intimidating. Not to me though.) Basically, I got a "Good Luck", meaning that road was closed too.

So, I organized a bunk, cleaned out a great part of my office/computer room and set a few rules. The first -and most important- rule was: You now stay here for at least those 10 days. I will not take a "I'll go sleep at friends" as an excuse to leave. The other rules are: you are home for dinner, you do not smoke pot, normal cigarettes are to be smoked on the balcony, you can watch TV and you get Internet access on your laptop (but if he thinks he isn't been watched, he's damned mistaken. Luckily he seriously overestimates my "Big Brother" qualities.), you go to bed when we do and no going out when I have to work the next day. (Of course, that one is still to be tested... I'm not looking forward to the next weekend) The only thing I haven't gotten under control is his alcohol habit. Luckily, we rarely have anything in the house (Hey, I know how it is to have an alcohol problem). The current deal is, he can have two beers an evening if he doesn't drink anything during the day. We'll see how that rolls out, but I did have a very long talk yesterday with him about alcohol abuse. If there is someone who knows anything about that, it's me.

So, we're stuck with him. At least for the next 7 days... I expect longer.

Great way to add additional strain on my relation and suck money that I'd rather have for the house... *sigh*

(As this is too long, I did not proofread... feel free to point out typos and spelling/grammar mistakes)

Addendum
Forgot to tell, yesterday he had driving lessons and those usually are in only one sector of the country. As we live on the opposite side, he got dropped of in his home village. He got a friend to pick up some gear at his moms and spent the rest of the time in the pub. That "friend" was supposed to bring him back to us. Obviously, that "friend" changed his mind and I had to pick him up once again. Brother in law, smelled badly of alcohol and he clearly had the signs of inebriation. He sworn by high and by low that he "only" had one whiskey and two beers. I highly doubt that. I still made him clear that I wouldn't have this and he should have being dropped off in the city and taken the bus home. The gear he took? You'd think a few clothes? Of course, not mainly his gaming machine and affiliated electronic gadgets. I asked him where exactly he was going to put that as our place is limited. Heck, I don't even have a big-ass machine any more, I live on a router-sized nettop! The gaming machine went to our basement and I'm going to try to keep it there. He's got a laptop, that should suffice.

Also, I found out that half of the money of his deceased brother is gone... In one year. I for one, am not surprised.

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