Journal The Fun Guy's Journal: 195.1 Two years, almost to the day 5
It was April 23, 2008 that I took over as Acting Head Honcho of that miserable, hideous nest of vipers. After five and a half months, I'd been used up and spit out. I was done with it, and walked away.
The experience made me reconsider a lot of things - about myself, my job, my career arc, what I wanted out of life. Although I'd never really examined it, I'd grown accustomed to people doing what I wanted. It always just seemed to happen that I found myself in charge; people deferred to me, looked to me for guidance, clarity, focus. That would be "leadership", I suppose.
It was quite the shock when I found myself amid people who not only didn't magically follow my lead. The active resistance and slanderous backstabbing was a new experience for me. Although I wanted to prove myself to the higher-ups, I truly went into that environment with the intent to help. However, my motives were assumed to be as venal and corrupt as they were accustomed to. My abilities were dismissed, my skills were denigrated.
That hurt. It took a while for me to regain ground with self-confidence and belief in the value of what I'm doing here. Even with time, it took a lot of effort, on my part and from others, to get me close to the level of performance I was at before.
Why re-hash all of this?
Because we've gone through a re-organization, and I've taken over one of the newly re-formed departments. It's on a temporary, Acting Head Honcho basis. When they open it up, I'll apply and probably get the job.
Why do this? Career management. Self-defense. To prove something to myself.
If someone has to hold the reins of power in my environment, I'd rather it be me than someone with a grudge against me.
You smell that? (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
I am the very embodiment of the reluctant warrior [tvtropes.org]. Yes, I'll rack up an impressive body count, but I'll be all angsty and introspective while slaughtering my enemies.
"Can't we all just get along? No? Well, then I guess I'll have to kill you."
That kind of thing.
Re: (Score:2)
Yeah, reluctant warrior. Made all the more dangerous by the fact that you want to get it over and done as quickly as possible.
Good luck! (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
A couple of "familiar faces" in the mix. Well below critical mass, and the past two years have been a long time for them, too.
The biggest change here is that I used to have all of my self-identification/self-worth eggs in one basket. I have a much more diversified portfolio now.