Engineer Andy's Journal: sunday - an observation in social conditioning

It has only been since i came on secondment that i have realised the extent to which i need to be near people who are friendly. I had always preferred to share a house with a few others so that there is always someone to chat with or just acknowledge from time to time.

In this city, other than workmates, I know nobody. I am living by myself, and other than work and the unit, there is not much more than the daily phone call to my girlfriend (which is a really bright part of the evening).

I had a good first night at a church a couple of weeks back (mentioned early in this blog), but other than suggesting i come along to a "dinners for eight" night, nobody has mentioned any social events, invited me to coffee, or chatted with me after church. During the week I lack a car to get to small group, and would personally feel awkward going up to a random person and saying "I'd like to join your home group for a fortnight, and by the way could you rock past my hotel and pick me up on the way?"

An older lady chatted to me after the morning service, mostly about people at a church i used to attend, and enquired if I'd signed up for the dinners for eight, but nobody who i met on the first night popped over to see how I was going (mostly being up the front leading the music). It's the paradox of being a newcomer, and the extent to which you need to put yourself out there compared to how much the church needs to look out for newcomers.

In the evening I decided that I really couldn't be bothered going back to that church and being ignored again. Church, for me, is somewhere that you go to worship God with other believers. there may be better reasons to not join one fellowship over another than how they receive you, but speaking as a person who needs to feel welcomed, being accepted warmly does make me more relaxed and free in joining in with the worship.

the evening service saw me at an AOG church on the other side of town. Coming at the building from the carpark, there was not a clear door which appeared to be the entrance, so ended up coming through the side door. The person on the door as a welcomer didn't acknowledge me when i wandered over to see if there was any copies of the newsletter around. I could go on, but the crux of it was that I wasn't made at all welcome or engaged with on any level by the other members of the congregation.

I think that next time I get sent to a distant city, i'll ask the pastors at my own chruch to recommend a church in the other city, and email them in advance to get somebody on the lookout for a newcomer.

Not a personal slight, as these churches probably are as welcoming to everyone else but I will need to do something differently next time, as the level of social interaction has generally been too low, and has been something which has started to get me down. In the past, when between or migrating between churches there has been the constancy of flatmates to keep social interaction levels up, but without that I've found myself foundering.

(addendum: I may need to use taxi chits to get me to places i would normally drive to under normal circumstances, clearing it with the bosses first, so i can get to the likes of toastmasters, bushwalking clubs or otehr general purpose social gatherings. That way i'm joining circles of people whose main raison d'etre is to meet socially for a purpose, as opposed to church where the social aspect is very secondary to the religious reasons for gathering. If I'm free to use the taxi chits in a reasonable manner, it could also get me to midweek bible study groups)