FirstNoel's Journal: Focusing on the future

I should be writing some code at the moment, but damn I don't feel it in me.

Have you ever had a time when you feel like something inside yourself is preventing you from being productive? I've had this feeling before, before Zach, now I have this feeling again.

I guess I'll have to force myself through it, that usually seems to break the spell. I kind of feel like I'm stuck in a Plastic Wrap bubble, I can see what I need to do, I just can't get there. So I need to start poking at it, eventually I can get a hole started, then I can tear it open. But until then, I feel like I'm suffocating.

Amy is doing better, still doubting and questioning herself. I think this is a arguement that she and I will always have now. She blames herself, I blame the cosmic-all. Some days I think she buys it, other days she doesn't. I'm getting more occasions of her resembling her old self. It gives me a lot of hope.

Her biggest fear now is that she and Zach will be forgotten by the doctors, treated as if losing a baby is no big deal. I try to counter with the usual logic, "This is a big deal, a life was lost", "They want to make sure this doesn't happen again...". Our first Post-Zach appointment is this coming Friday, I hope she gets the answers she needs. I know she won't get the answers she truly wants.

She questions though about after the Doctor's appt. "What do I have to look forward to then?" No more places to get answers, they are the last resort. From then on all answers come from within. Kind of like the road to Enlightenment.

We'll keep going to conseling (spelling, I really don't care). Talk to people who are available, the typical stuff were suppose to do. Amy has a Psych degree, so she kind of has an idea of what to expect, at least more than me.

I guess I should go start poking holes in the Saran wrap.

Sean D.

Hang in there

[Red Warrior]

It doesn't stop hurting, but it does go from throbbing to a dull ache. One thing to be aware of - Most people will decide after a couple of weeks that it's time for you to "get over it, and get on with your life." I have some observations on why that might be, but they don't matter. It sucks mightily.

Anyway, positive thoughts flowing your way. Be well.

productivity

[elmegil]

Have you ever had a time when you feel like something inside yourself is preventing you from being productive? I've had this feeling before, before Zach, now I have this feeling again.

Spent most of the last year that way, and then the anniversary knocked me back again. I'm getting there; been focussing on trying to get more organized as a means to be able to say "here is what I have to do, what I ought to do, and what I'd like to do, now DO something", but it'll be a while before that takes, I think. The