In the spirit of "What goes around, comes around
It turns out that Charlie Sheen was testing RMS's GNU/Reality Distortion Field. Turns out its effect only extends to your outermost layer of dirt.
RMS: Knock knock
Remember how you said "I'm not glad he's dead but I'm glad he's gone?"
You'll be happy to know we're easier to please.
Remember: An Apple a day keeps RMS away. So does a bar of soap.
RMS wants people to standardize on something he calls GNU/C-Minus-Minus. It's a new language modeled after him - absolutely no class, totally self-referential, doesn't do anything useful and the output is out of date and confused.
To raise funds, RMS has a new line of time-saving clothing coming out. Never needs washing because it's pre-stained.
RMS also has new cologne and perfume lines coming out that he hopes will solve the "problem" of women breeding. You too can support free software and smell like New Jersey.
RMS is introducing his new shampoo brand - 100% chemical free, same formula he's been using for decades. Most people already know it by its' generic equivalent - "tap water."
A couple pretended that nobody was home when the doorbell rang. Later, they were relieved to find out that it wasn't RMS, just an Insurance Salesman, two members of a Cult, and 3 Politicians looking for votes.
Q. What time is it when RMS sleeps over on your couch?
A. Time to get a new couch and check the dog for fleas.
RMS has proposed a new freedom for those who carry around a perceptible layer of flora and fauna - "Freedom to be your own protected ecosystem." He wants the right to claim subsidies for "Dirt farming." In the last 3 month's he's managed to produce 270 pounds of dirt
RMS is looking into being the new CEO of Microsoft. He figures fewer people will hate him, they're already used to seeing their CEO with sweat stains down his pits, and it's not like he's not used to being irrelevant.
RMS was offered a free Apple by a woman who was helping out at a conference. After being lectured for 20 minutes on how she was too stupid to understand how her walled garden trapped her, she finally got a word in edge-wise. "So take the d*** Fruit Salad."
RMS really hates it when people tell him "They're called iMacs" when he brings up EMACS. Which is why people say it.
RMS has been invited to speak at the 2012 San Francisco Penguicon at the Hilton. Everyone else will, of course, be meeting at the Hyatt in Dearborn, Michigan.
RMS claims to have invented a free crowd-source talking clock. He bangs a garbage can lid repeatedly until someone shouts "Hey, knock it off you idiot, it's 2 AM!" and now everyone within earshot knows what time it is.
RMS is threatening KFC over his intellectual property. He's claiming he's the embodiment of prior art for "It's finger-licking good." Not just for the skin. Hair, nose, foot-cheese
RMS is asking police to investigate a murder attempt. Someone slipped Odor-Eaters into his sandals.
Q. Why does RMS hate Java?
A. He thinks the garbage collector has it in for him.
Source for the next one
Q:....Surprised to find out that most of the time you don't access the web directly but rather through an email daemon. Why such caution?
RMS: I do this mostly for personal reasons that don't apply to anyone else.
jeremybub: Non-free porn!
kikaerter: I would guess that it's related to his severe RSI somehow.
Someone should tell RMS that running make clean isn't doing it for him.
Friday nights RMS runs "date | more", but of course the symlink resolves to "date | less".