It seems that I can either have a comfortable ergonomic keyboard or one that actually works well, not both. Are there even enough people interested in a keyboard like this to have a chance of it ever being made?
When Jeff Atwood couldn't find exactly the keyboard he wanted, he had the CODE Keyboard designed & marketed. So you just need to start a massively successful community website, cash out, and build one.
I'm actually using a CODE keyboard.. a few minor complaints; I wish it had dedicated media keys but for all in all it's been great (not ergonomic though).