Acquisition of a trait (by whatever means) would never amount to a significant percentage of the gene pool of an organism unless it proffered some usefulness.

Though a popular view, that's not true. Assuming 'trait' means an independent mutation, then that trait can go to fixation in a population by simple chance (the expectation is that this happens to 1/2N mutations). Also, genes that are physically near each other on the genome tend to be passed as a set. Therefore, it is likely that a completely neutral, or even slightly disadvantageous mutation, that happens to be near an advantageous mutation (or a mutation that won the mating lottery and is heading toward fixation) will also be propagated throughout a population. There are other more esoteric reason why this could happen too, but a strictly adaptationist view of evolution was dropped in the 60s.

The book reads like the cereal style stories it imitates.

I assumed he was dripping the the heroin on his cereal instead of smoking. Or maybe the book was emulating the exploits of Toucan Sam and his Loops of Froot? I'm baffled.

but i just think there's a time and place for things like that

When is that time and place? In a special free speech zone?