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Journal sielwolf's Journal: MAN at the CENTER of the UNIVERSE 46

Journal by sielwolf

I want to get this out there and debunk some of the salacious lies that are spread around here. I have Never been to the District with Buffer-Overflowed. I haven't even been to the District. I drive down Connecticut Avenue, cross the East-West Highway and then stop right at the border of the State of Maryland (the FREE STATE) and proceed no further. Silver Spring, Takoma Park, Bethesda. But no WASHINGTON. Not the DISTRICT. That is a Lie. The FIRST of MANY LIES.

No. The last I saw of Buffer-Overflowed was when he had taken the Accela to Penn Station in New York City and I was at the Madison Square Garden ticket kiosk (THE GARDEN which shares the same real estate as PENN STATION). I was standing there, purchasing tickets for the JAY-Z farewell tour. I was wearing:

  • One pair Tommy Hilfiger (TOMMY) boxer briefs.
  • One pair baby blue Prada men's flat-fronted slacks, size 35.
  • One Italian fit collared Oxford by JIL SANDER. Sky blue.
  • One JIL SANDER Concrete Gray Jacket Shell.
  • Brown wingtips, size 42 belt, brown.
  • NO SOCKS.
  • One money clip containing 350 Dollars of UNITED STATES CURRENCY along with 8 EUROS in coin currency.
  • One 3G 40 Gigabyte APPLE IPOD with headphone remote, 26 GB of MP3 codec files.

BUFFER-OVERFLOWED was wearing a Yellow DECALB CORN FEED sack and plastic bags from GIANT SUPERMARKET on his FEET. He had what APPEARED to be a PRISON TATTOO.

WE did not talk. I bought MY tickets (for the JAY-Z concert) and WALKED out onto SEVENTH AVENUE. I headed SOUTH on SEVENTH AVENUE to TWENTY-SEVENTH STREET where I headed WEST towards EIGHTH AVENUE. I was listening to a PLAYLIST of all the NICO album tracks featuring at SONGWRITING or INSTRUMENTATION by LOU REED. I SKIPPED over all SONGS from the VELVET UNDERGROUND DEBUT.

As I CROSSED OVER to TENTH AVENUE I saw a LIMOUSINE PARKED on the SOUTH side of the STREET (TWENTY-SEVENTH). STANDING on the SIDEWALK eating CHESTNUTS from a BAG (it was DECEMBER and I later LEARNED they were PURCHASED at ROCKAFELLER CENTER near the SKATING RINK) was none other than AL PACINO. He looked PERPLEXED. When I WALKED up to HIM he turned to ME.

"Do YOU know what HAPPENED to TWILO?" AL PACINO ASKED. TWILO the SUPERCLUB. He PAUSED, ATE a CHESTNUT. "HOO-HAH!"

"TWILO is no more, AL PACINO. TWILO was shut down by EX-NEW YORK MAJOR RUDY GULIANI. THIS new CLUB, SPIRIT, opened where TWILO once STOOD."

"OH..." AL PACINO ate another CHESTNUT. "JAMES CAAN, MERYLL STREEP and SPIKE LEE told me to meet THEM there...HOO-HAH!"

"THEY FUCKED you. AL PACINO."

"THEY fucked ME! AL PACINO!"

"AND SPIRIT is a SHITTY CLUB."

AL PACINO ate another CHESTNUT. "Well WHAT NOW?"

"I WOULD have SUGGESTED going to TUNNEL. BUT TUNNEL got SHUT DOWN too. SHUT DOWN. By EX-MAYOR of NEW YORK, RUDY GULIANI."

"HOO-HAH!"

I THOUGHT about IT. Then I had a REVELATION. "TELL you WHAT, AL PACINO. I was PLANNING on going to KGB BAR for a READING of my BOOK. I think I CAN get you IN."

"A BOOK? WHAT is YOUR BOOK about?"

"That's interesting. It's historical FICTION. It presupposes that (Historical Figure) wasn't at (Decisive Historical Event) in (Foreign Country)?"

"Not at (Decisive Historical Event)?" AL PACINO said, a WELL-KNOWN HISTORY BUFF, standing on TWENTY-SEVENTH WEST of TENTH AVENUE. "Then (Other Historical Event) would have never happened!"

"(Acknowledgement). It's also written in (Sub-Post Modern Literary Genre). That (Adjective) Revolutionizes the (Noun) of (Proper Name). Without (Infinitive) (Verb) (Sub-Clause) (Celebrity) (Popular Location) (Product) (Label) (Logo)!"

"(Logo)?!? (Celebrity)!? (Slogan)!"

"(Noun) (Adjective) (Verb) (Preposition) (Adjective) (Adverb) (Noun) (Punctuation) (Close Quotation) ...

You had to be there.

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MAN at the CENTER of the UNIVERSE More

MAN at the CENTER of the UNIVERSE

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  • *writes on the back of a polaroid*
    • If some lady gives you a beer in a bar don't drink it (and don't forget to write that down too).
    • The Truth is stronger than your Vader-esque empty promises. The TRUTH will be heard!
      • How are you enjoying the (apple product) and (apple product) I got you with the advance from the book rights to my completely TRUTHFUL story?
        • (apple product) had (novel misspelling of my actual name into a clever scatalogical innuendo)!!! That was INTENTIONAL! (Complex sentence conveying barely contained rage)(Punctuation)(Punctuation)(Punctuation)

          I never had to deal with this vicious Communist propaganda while attending my class on perpetuation myths of the American experience at a Northeastern Ivy League University!!!
          • That's because you didn't go to (rival Northeastern Ivy League University)! They spoiled you! (oblique reference to Ayn rand) (segue into spiel on wealth of nations) (expletive) (explitive) (punctuation) (punctuation)
            • As (Character) from (Popular Novel by Semi-Popular Author made into not so Popular Movie) said only (Pejorative for a Minority Group) only go to (Rival Northern Ivy League University)! They just WISHED they had (Percentage) the (Positive Trait) of (Northeastern Ivy League University)!!! Maybe if they didn't (Verb) their (Body Part) (Preposition) their (Orifice) you'd KNOW that other than the Vicious Communist Propaganda which you speak (Experimental New Punctuation Still Under Testing at Oxford Dictionary
              • Those of us who went to (rival Northeastern Ivy League University) know that only (racial expletive that doubles as a state animal in some form) go to (Northeastern Ivy League University)! That's why (political leader) went to (Rival Northeastern Ivy League University)!

                Besides, you are still displaying the muddy thinking of a mere OT6 of the Our Lord Buddha's Dharmic Church and Money Laundering Facility.
                • (Political leader) is just a puppet for the (Political Party) National Chair! You are so BLIND with your VICIOUS COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA to even see the TRUTH!!!

                  Any psychiatrist knows this! I'm INTERESTED in LIFE. You haven't read the supporting scientific papers. I HAVE(punctuation) This is the FLAW of your weak (rival Northeastern Ivy League University) thinking. YOU are just a TOOL of (Polemic Political Columnist)!!!

                  Why'd you do that? Why'd you do that? No. No- don't walk away. Why'd you do that
                  • Why'd you do that? Why'd you do that? No. No- don't walk away. Why'd you do that? Why'd you do that? Tell me. Tell me.

                    Remember that one time we were at that party at AL PACINO'S PLACE with WINONA and BRITTANY MURPHY and WINONA asked you to move in with her?

                    Yea, and I told you it would be LIVING IN SIN, and you said "WELL FINE THEN, I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN SIN SO I'LL JUST COMMUTE IN SIN"

                    Yea, that's why. Right there! And SAMMY JANKIS WAS A FAKER!
  • I just spewed on my keyboard

    BUFFER-OVERFLOWED was wearing a Yellow DECALB CORN FEED sack and plastic bags from GIANT SUPERMARKET on his FEET. He had what APPEARED to be a PRISON TATTOO
    • Well, I was gonna buy (clothes every man should own) but after taking the ACCELIA and buying SIELWOLF (apple product) and (apple product), I didn't have enough cash left over for anything but a bag of potatoes. So I had the GIANT lady double bag the potatoes and BOOM, NEW CLOTHES.
      • OK, OK, now tell that story again, slower, but this time you're doused in corn syrup... oooh yeahhh.
        • Corn Syrup is Fridays @ 5 when WINONA RYDER stops by... Jeez Lou, you're like a kid waiting on christmas!
          • No one drinks CORN SYRUP on the SABBATH! There you go again, sowing mistruths and quarter-truths. WINONA, a close and personal friend of mine who I have several times on the GREEN METRO line and also the SIX in MANHATTAN, is an INSOMNIAC and so CORN SYRUP gives her (Medical Condition). She prefers to call me (or AL PACINO. INSOMNIAC) at THREE in the morning to talk about having SEX with JUDE LAW's FIANCEE while remembering better times at (Northeastern Ivy League University).

            At least she doesn't have A
            • There ya go, having you condition play up again. You don't even remember that WINONA RYDER doesn't DRINK the CORN SYRUP!

              At least she doesn't have AIDS like HERMIONE. Do not believe her VICIOUS LIES!

              FINALLY you TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT SOMETHING!
              • FINALLY you TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT SOMETHING!

                The LIES of YOUR TRUTH!! Hermione DOESN'T have AIDS! SHE NEVER DID! YOUR OCTAGON has UNRAVELLED! This is just (metaphor) for (complex logical fallacy)!!!
                • Don't make me bust out the kung fu of Gordon Lui!
                  • SAMMY JANKIS REMEMBERS!

                    *laser eyes*

                    *walks up giant water wheel thing in Shaolin Master Killer*

                    *Creates 36th Chamber*

                    *Takes E-Meter Reading*

                    *Sins with WINONA*

                    *Sins with (Other kinda over the hill Gen X female Celebrity) on the SIDE*

                    *Communes with the UNIVERSE*

                    *Laser Eyes!!!*
                    • It always has to be about you, doesn't it?

                      Well, I'm just going to have to sick the WATERMELON MONSTER on you if you don't calm down and tell the truth.
                    • About me? EVERYTHING is about me. This started off with YOUR post and me, comically, as a TERTIARY character. MUHAMMAD ALI is not BIGGER than ME! But everyone saw it was about ME. I'm the MATT DAMON; you are the BEN AFFLECK! No wait, I'm MATT DAMON; you are BEN AFFLECK's BROTHER! This is because I am VERY IMPORTANT. And when I'm not a part of it, the BUS slows down below 55 MILES AN HOUR and EXPLODES.

                      *throws out badass fucking gang signs*

                      You like that? You want some MORE?

                      *throws out even more ri
                    • OH yea? Well I'm the BATMAN to your SUPERMAN, MATT DAMON. I'm like FRANK STALONE and CHARLIE MURPHY and STEPHEN BALDWIN all rolled into one! EBERT would give me good reviews if I set my movie in CHICAGO! Even if that hack LEONARD MALTIN wouldn't!

                      I see your CRIPPLE FIST and raise you some freakin' KRYPTONITE! EAT ICY HOT DEAD PLANET OLD MAN! AND BOW TO THE SONS OF THE BATMAN!

                      The LASER EYES may be the epitome of the kung fu of GORDON LUI, but I gots the FIVE DEADLY VENOMS backing me up! Even the dumb
                    • QUIET, REOPER! RICHARD ROEPER does not APPROVE of this POST. RICHARD ROEPER is TOO BUSY as he has to EJACULATE over the latest LAURA FLYNN BOYLE VEHICLE. You are dragging this JOURNAL ENTRY DOWN, ROEPER!!! EBERT Guarantees it! This film takes place somewhere in the greater WASHINGTON area (although not IN WASHINGTON. We've already been through that).

                      EBERT is TOP of the MARQUEE. EBERT == ME. ME mememememememmemememememememeeeeee! I GAVE YOU FOUR STARS, BATMAN! I MADE YOU! I'm the JAMES EARL JONES
                    • I've seen your plans to resurrect GENE and take me out fat man!

                      The NETWORK won't approve because GORDON GEKKO needs me to drive the RATINGS DOWN so he can sell you on the CHEAP to BOLLYWOOD! So we've put together an army of REDNECKS trained by GEORGE ROMERO to put an end to your mad NECROMANTIC ZOMBIE CRITIC PLOT!
                    • GENE SISKEL is a SAINT! To Revise:
                      1. SAMMY JANKIS
                      2. (Apple Product)
                      3. Gene SISKEL
                      4. (Northeastern Ivy League University) and WINONA (tied)
                      5. SEA ORG
                      6. Buddha
                      7. Jesus
                      8. God
                      9. (Celebrity)

                      We were all hanging out in BED-STY drinking some HENNESSEY fine MALT BEVERAGE when WINONA said "(Interrogative) (Verb) (Negation) (Preposition) (Adverb) (Adjective) (Pronoun) (Adjective) (Interjection) (Conjunction) (Verb) (Adverb) (Question Mark)" This HENNY was EXTRA SWEET because it was VERY HOT and we were in NEW YORK CITY.

                      "Tsk, Wo

                    • You know, your personal problems with WINONA are reminding me a lot of a relationship I had with a young gel in the south of FRANCE.

                      She claimed to be god and tried to kill the ENGLISH. Her name was MOTHER TERESA. So I told her to go start a mission and force CHINESE CHILDREN to SEW SNEAKERS. And she totally did!

                      So you should be really honest with WINONA about your desires for her to shoplift you shirts. That's the makings of a healthy long term relationship. Never mind that I've never had one.

                      OH SNA
  • Did something tramatic happen to you since grad school? You don't seem to make sense to us "normals" anymore.
  • I was there, at the Tunnel. I was in the back room with this GHB'd chick. Or maybe I was doing roofies in the back stairwell (off the main floor) upstairs, by the bathroom and bar.

    /They used to "choose" who got to go in

    //Of course, I was chosen.
    • You, me, Gorbachev, BUDDHA, and the entire cast of CHARLES in CHARGE.
    • No no no, you, me, HEEYYYYY-YOUUUU-ZEUUSSSSS, "CHA-CHAM!", and the MISFITS!

      Come on Macabre do not believe his lies!

      *SAMMY JANKIS'S HOUSE MAKES MICHAEL JACKSON'S HOUSE LOOK LIKE A GOOD DAY CARE*
      • chu-CHAM! The sound of one keyboard JERKING!!! *SAMMY JANKIS cocks A SHOTGUN, uses POTTY ROOM LANGUAGE and JUMPS OFF of a BRIDGE to his DEATH. IT still makes some SHITTY POETRY NO ONE READS*
        • Do not mock CHA-CHAM! For he will foe you, and when CHA-CHAM foes you you stay foed! He will write a poem about you in his underground lair!

          BEWARE THE POWER OF MOTHA-FUCKING CHA-CHAM!

          FEAR THE PROFANITY BLACKLIST BITCHES!
          • Profanity touched click-CHAM in a bad place as a child. Profanity put his hand on his BATHING SUIT AREA (the one SPIDERMAN told him about). Profanity HUMILIATED him. If by "Profanity" one means His DAD and "humiliated him" is code for "RUBBED his sweaty COCK on his FACE."

            *EVEN SAMMY JANKIS WOULD LET HIM LIVE DOWN SUCH A HUMILATION AND UNDERSTANDS HIS PROFANITY JIHAD*
            • it gives me great constipation to think that I had to delve deep into a shrouded past; repleat with its own sensations of lamb's wool and chicory; to recall who CHA-CHAM! ever was and what had ever meant to me.

              He said poetry.
              He said rhymng couplets.
              He said pirates.
              I said pimps.
              I said ho's.
              I said "Deeees Nuts!"

              good times, good tmes. I know that plans for working 12 hour day-nights in the mines have swirled about; making us subterranean knives. So be it. Come; let us blog on the pinhead of the word, like
  • if the goal is grammatically correct english.

    wait a minute, i just remembered that i am a nerd.
  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • Johndiii has outed [slashdot.org] your clever nickname! The answer was hidden in your handle all along Mr. "LIES FLOW!"

    Using ANAGRAMS to hide such messages!? I haven't seen a shark jumped like that since they busted out the WOLVES in THE DAY AFTER TOMMORROW.

    NOT-VICE-PRESIDENT-CHENEY is ASHAMED!

    *SATAN is an ANAGRAM of SANTA*
    *SAMMY JANKIS likes to eat babies*
  • you guys seriously need to lay off the cocaine.

    your stories remind me too much of my nights walking from the lower east side to times square at 3am, blowing bumps at every odd block, laughing at the drunken vomiting models laying on the sidewalk with their boyfriends saying "c'mon sarah, my apartment is just another block away, you can walk there" as the girl lays there with bile oozing from her oral cavity.

    I had one throw her highheal at me and tell me to stop staring, but as she finished her garbled ver
    • This journal is what happens when Troll Tuesday falls into the wrong hands.

      Winners don't let kids drink Milk!

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