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Juno's mass is listed as 3625kg, or almost 8000 pounds, not almost 8 metric tons.
As for the energy obtained from "falling several hundred million miles": that would be exactly the same energy it took to get that far "up" in the first place (not saying that there's no energy to steal from Jupiter, but it's a pretty hair-brained plan, imho, not in the least because such a trajectory would probably take the better part of a decade to complete).
That would be glorious nation of Kazakhstan, who do not take well to visits of lawyers from countries run by little girls (and especially not Uzbek ones).
Also, even the recovery teams from Roscosmos themselves sometimes take a while to locate the landing site of a Soyuz spacecraft.
They will just have an army of lawyers waiting at the runway for them when they come back down to earth.
Not if you fly Soyuz.
Which is what anyone wanting to get to the ISS will have to do in a year or two, until US commercial transport becomes available another few years down the line.
In case anyone was wondering (and since TFA doesn't mention it), the nearest sextuplet star, is, of course, Alpha Geminorum, a.k.a. Castor, the second-brightest star in the zodiac sign of Gemini, a.k.a. the Twins. It's some 50-odd lightyears away.
Note that Beta Geminorum, a.k.a. Pollux, is actually the brightest star in Gemini (whether Johann Bayer labelled Castor as the alpha star because it rises first in the night's sky, or because mythologically, the twins are always labelled "Castor and Pollux", is unknown). Pollux is a single star, with one confirmed exoplanet, Polydeuces orbitting it.
Frank: "Whatever happened to the Popular Front, Reg?"
Reg: "He's over there."
People's Front of Judea: "SPLITTER!"