mercedo's Journal: Loneliness

Calm night. 2a.m. I can only hear the silence from the darkness of night. Honestly speaking I'm lonely. I need a girl-friend. Real one. Not a girl for the time being.

To tell the truth, I have two girl-friends, but none of them can give me satisfaction. Of course I daren't to say we can't get a physical satisfaction. Yes, we do. We have enough physical relationship for middle aged people, but so what? Only physical not at all any part of spiritual relationship can be found between me and girl-friends.

Love only exists in fragile, but it's not a love but a fake-love. If I starts loving someone one-sidedly, she starts separating from me and when she starts being bound for me, I feel like not enthusiastic about our relationship any more, thus love never exists in a fixed state.

I felt happiness either when I got into bed beside her or I noticed her got into bed beside me. I have been unable to feel such a simple happiness any more.

All I acquired has gone, none of them left beside me. ...except left only our memory.

Hey

[Stargoat]

Check it out: http://slashdot.org/~Stargoat/journal/101057 [slashdot.org]

Re:Hey

[mercedo]

Thanks for the link. I appriciated reading your JE. ...I'm not suffered from total lack of relationship with girls, but a lack of confidence supposed to get from our relationship. So the problem is I am not having date with a girl whom I really love. I have date with girls as a result of products of compromise. If you got married someone whom you really love, you are definetely happy. Of course I married women twice whom I really loved at the time of marriage, but as times go by, it had just turned out to b