Baby, I'm a man, baby I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something that he doesn't really understand. Baby, I'm a man, and maybe you're the only woman who can ever help me. Won't you help me understand? - Paul McCartney
It was a three day weekend, July the fourth, Independance Day, the day the British celebrate getting rid of us damned yanks.
Tammy was by visiting me Friday night, and since I did quite a bit of drinking over the weekend, Friday night is kind of hazy in my memory. And what I remember of it I shouldn't journal anyway, except for us going up to Felber's for a couple of beers before going back to my house for a couple more.
It was getting late, and she needed to go home; her ugly little dog Pugsly needed her. That's the problem with dogs -- unlike cats, if you leave them alone in the house too long they'll shit all over your floor. But as she was driving to Felber's, she noticed that she was almost out of gasoline, so before she went home she decided to call my elderly friend Jim and see if he'd loan her ten bucks for gas, but he didn't answer the phone. She finally got her sister on the phone, and left to go see her sister before making the thirty five mile trip. "Call me when you get there," I said.
Saturday was my wedding anniversary, a day I never want to spend alone. I'd spent the last anniversary before Evil-X left by myself, and it still stings, eight years later. The one July fourth I'd not felt lonely at all was the year I'd taken Chris, the first girlfriend I'd had after my divorce, to see fireworks. I'd told Tammy about it, and asked her to spend that day with me.
I woke up late, made coffee, and watched a movie in my bathrobe. Now don't go asking why I had a movie in my bathrobe, smartass, you know what I mean.
After a few cups I was awake enough to call Tammy. She didn't answer.
As soon as I hung up the phone beeped. "One missed call" it read. I looked to see whose call I'd missed -- Tammy. She'd dialed me at exactly the same time I'd dialed her. I wonder why we still use that quaint phrase "dial the phone", since phones haven't had dials for decades?
It didn't look like I was going to have a very good day. She'd forgotten to take her medicine the day before and was sick. "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to spend the day on the recliner."
"Well, take your medicine and rest, if you feel better call me."
"What are you going to do today?"
"Well, since I'm going to be alone on the year's blue day I'll probably spend the day at Felber's getting shitfaced." Which I set out to do about noon. Strange, I wasn't really all that blue, although I was disappoined I wouldn't be seeing Tammy that day.
I took my little computer with me, and Bill had sent me a really good ten minute movie about a bear cub and a hungry mountain lion. I can't figure out how they shot that movie. I'll have to find a link to it and edit this to incorporate the link, it was a really cool movie. Google had a cool animated logo that some may have missed the animation, since it sat there for a good ten seconds before it started moving.
I pulled out my phone to see what time it was, and saw there was a text message. I have the phone set to not ring for messages; if someone wants to call me they can call. It was from Tami.
"I thought you might want to know that Tammy called Jim last night." The cunt was still trying to keep Tammy and me apart! I didn't know whether to be annoyed or amused, and settled for amused. I called Tammy to tell her about the text message. She was amused as well. "You're not going to answer, are you?"
"Hell no, that's what she wants. Fuck that worthless bitch."
A beer later and she called again. "Text her back!"
"No, listen. Tell her, and say it just like this, tell her 'What MY Tammy does is none of your business'."
MY Tammy. She was my Tammy! I'd not been able to get any kind of commitment at all from her after dating on and off for over six months, and now I'd gotten one, of sorts. There would be no blue anniversary this year. I went to send the text and there was another message from Tami. "Ray and Renee got evicted." Why she thought I'd give a damn is beyond me. I don't like either of them. They're both ex-prisoners and not very nice people at all. I'd told Renee that if she or her husband ever set foot on my property I was calling the police.
I responded to the earlier message about Tammy calling Jim with what Tammy had told me to say. By then the netbook was locked up in the car and I was sitting out in the beer garden talking to Danny and Vickie. Ten minutes after sending the message Tami and Robert showed up. I studiously ignored them -- until Robert was coming out of the bar with beers and I was going in for one. "Man, I owe you," I told him. "You got rid of that blood sucking parasite for me!"
A few beers later and I decided I'd better get the car home before I was dangerous. I put it in the driveway and walked back. I passed Tami and Robert as I was walking back. It was too coincidental to be a coincidence; I sent the message about "My Tammy" ten minutes before they got there, and they left right after I did. I called Tammy to tell her, and she was as amused as I was. "If I feel better tomorrow do you want to go to church with me and maybe have lunch afterwards?"
Of course I would.
I don't know what time it was when I got home, but I vaguely remember sitting on the front porch with a beer and a smile before going to bed. She was my Tammy! Tami had regaled me with stories about how Tammy's former boyfriend was still with her, but Tammy referred to him as "stalker" and "crazy bitch" and "psycho" and "shithead".
The next morning she called before I had my first cup of coffee; I'd slept a little late. "I overslept," she said. "It's too late for church."
"Well, we can still do lunch" I said. She agreed, she'd come into town later. An hour after that she called to blow off our plans again. "The girl I clean houses with and me were invited to go on a big houseboat that a lady she works for cleans."
"Can I go along?"
"I don't know the people."
Damn. It was going to be another Felber's day. But I drank coffee and watched movies until later in the afternoon before going up there. I had my netbook with me, and after checking my mail, slashdot, and the newspaper I closed it and let it sit on the bar. A not very attractive woman sat down next to me and struck up a conversation. "I'm Aaron" she said. Another woman with a man's name, I thought to myself. After a while I realized that she was hitting on me!
I bought her a beer.
It turned out that she knew Bill and Barb, who were there and I'd been talking to earlier, and they'd invited her to some shindig at the... I don't remember what it's called, the fireman's something, out on the lake. We exchanged phone numbers, and I found it wasn't Aaron but Erin. We looked the place up on Google maps, and she followed me to my house to drop off the car and the computer.
Her car was small late model expenive SUV.
We went there, and Barb and Bill disappeared when we went to get food. The shindig had some really good food, free, and fee beer. We ate and talked, and she said "you know, you're really good looking!"
I kissed her on the mouth, tenderly and lovingly. "I haven't been kissed like that in ten years!" she said, eyes wide and full of stars.
Sadly (or not) she was marrried, and going through a divorce. I consoled her, and I think I helped, having gone through what she was going through. I don't know if it was irony, but here it was the anniversary weekend of my ill-fated marriage and I was kissing and consoling a married woman about her divorce.
And it turns out this woman is rich. Her husband was some sort of big shot in state government until he ratted out Tony Rezko, which ultimately led to Governor Rod Blagojevich being arrested, impeached, removed from office, and put on trial.
Shit, you think the gangsters in the 'hood are dangerous? THESE people are REALLY dangerous!
Where but Springfield would a nerd get picked up by a rich woman in a redneck bar in the ghetto? One who thinks the nerd is really good looking?
She took me to the Crown Plaza Hotel for drinks. Here I was on my way to an expensive hotel with a married woman. "I have a membership there,"" she said. "let's go watch all the wierdos." We went to the bar there, and she ordered us a couple of four dollar domestic beers.
And discovered that she'd forgotten her credit card. "Can you get these and I'll pay you back?"
Damn. I had fifteen bucks in my pocket to do me until the bank opened, and explained that, and how I'd been taken advantage of by women and was a lot more careful these days. "But I'm not like that!" she said.
"Look, Erin, I just met you. I want to believe that, but I really don't know you."
"I'll prove it to you!" she exclaimed, had the bartender put the beers in the cooler and we went to her house to get her card. Her house was huge; one of those McMansions. I waited in her car while she got the card, and we went back to the hotel. "Do you like wine?" she asked.
"Well, generally. Depends on the wine."
"Well, I don't, and I get a free bottle as part of my membership. Do you want it?"
She hinted that she wanted to get a room, and I sadly informed her that she'd have to wait until her divorce was final. I don't know why I keep avoiding adultery, because I always ultimately regret the decision later. I'd turned down a lot of Evil-X's friends when I was married; it seems she was always bragging to them about the size of my penis. Probably to get them to hit on me, which they did, so I'd commit adultery and she wouldn't feel so bad about her adultery. I'm starting to realize that the devious Tami has always feigned friendship while secretly hating me. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned", and a week after I'd met her she'd invited me to her apartment "for a few drinks". When I'd showed up she was wearing nothing but a flannel shirt, unbuttoned far enough to show a LOT of cleavage. When I didn't bite she outright propositioned me, and I'd turned her down on account of she was married.
Maybe I shouldn't regret that one; what I regret was becoming her friend in the first place. Somehow I don't think I'll regret not taking Erin's bait. We had a few drinks and a very pleasant evening, and she took me home. "Look at that woman standing in the street," she said scornfully, referring to a figure standing on the sidewalk. Probably a prostitute. Erin was backing out of the driveway as I was walking up on the porch, and the woman on the sidewalk turned around and I recognized her -- it was my next door neighbor. I walked down to talk to her as Erin drove off. Erin probably thought I was picking up a hooker.
She was standing there watching the downtown fireworks display in the distance, and I watched it with her. And found out that my neighbor was older than me by five years, which amazed me, the woman doesn't look a day over forty, although her husband looks quite elderly.
The grand finale finished and she went inside. I walked up to Scooter's, which is the bar that used to be George Rank's. I had a couple more beers, went home, and went to sleep. By then it was around midnight.
BANG BANG BANG BANG!
Someone was knocking at my window at four in the morning. "Who's there?"
"It's Amy, I'm here with Kelly. Alan threw us out. Let us in!" I let them in and made coffee. Kelly left after a while, and Amy's friend Winnie called her. Amy had me take her to pick up Winnie, and we went back to the house, Amy drinking whiskey while Winnie, who doesn't drink, and I drank coffee.
Amy had wanted someone to bitch about Tami to. "Where does that goddamned pice of shit live now?"
"I don't know. Why?"
She didn't believe me. "That cunt told Connor about you and me having sex!"
"Yeah, Connor confronted me about it a couple of days ago. I told him yeah, but it was before you met him."
"Why would she DO that to me? She's supposed to be my friend!"
"I think it was directed at me." I told her about how Tami was still trying to get between me and Tammy, with the text she'd sent the day before, and how Tammy had said she was MY Tammy.
After a while Amy had me drop her and Winnie off at a friend's, and I went up to Felber's. She'd said she'd be back, but I didn't believe her. Amy's bad about saying she'll be back and not being back.
Tammy called. "I'm on my way into town!"
Wow, this was a good weekend! She'd blown me off the last two days, but was finally coming by. She picked me up at the bar and we went to my house... and Amy showed back up. And Amy was jealous. They had a few words, and Amy said "why don't you tell her about how you fucked me yesterday?"
"What??" I said. "What the fuck are you trying to do? I never fucked you ysterday. I didn't even see you yesterday!"
"Well, the day before yesterday."
"I didn't see you then, either! Why are you doing this?"
She stomped out the door. I was really angry with her. Tammy seemed to be having an awkward time of it; I'd told her about Amy and my "benefit friendship" before. We smoked a joint and decided to go to Felber's for a couple of beers, and something told me I should mention Erin, and told her about the previous evening, spinning it into a tale of a good Christian man consoling someone in her time of need. I didn't mention the kiss.
It was a good thing, too, because no sooner did we get there than someone asked me about Erin. Tammy and I went to the beer garden, and her phone rang and she answered it and walked away. I called Amy, still steaming. "God damn it, why did you do that to me? Just this morning you were cussing Tami for telling Connor we fucked, and now you're telling Tammy we fucked and we didn't even fuck! At least Tami wasn't lying."
She started apologizing, then it turned into a drunken rant about Tammy, who she said had said in front of people how she "didn't look at you that way" and how I was going nowhere with her. I told her about what Tammy had told me to text, she said it was bullshit, and I hung up on her. Tammy came back, finished with her conversation.
"Listen," I said, "when you told me to tell Tami you were my Tammy, was that bullshit or is that how it is? Are you really my Tammy?"
"Yes. Why do you even have to ask that?"
"Because Amy says it's bullshit. I wish you'd tell someone but me otherwise."
The day was uneventful after that, and we had a good time. By nine I was exhaused and loaded. She went home.
I went to bed happy.