Journal mcgrew's Journal: -- A Tale of Two Tamiys 3
Tammy is the best of Tams, Tami is the worst of Tams. She was a thief, and I was a fool. it was the time of false belief, it was the time of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. It was the time of homage to the past greats, it was the time of blatant plagiarism.
It was the time of confused suckiness.
I'd met Tammy through Tami, and the two are like night and day. Tami is short and fat with blond hair and huge hooters, Tammy is a brunette almost as tall as me, thin, and has small, beautiful breasts that fit her frame perfectly. She doesn't realise how attractive she is, and maybe she's not; maybe it's just my perception of her. She's the kind of girl I've always gone after and never gotten.
The two have one thing in common: they both think they have ugly bodies. One of them is right.
Tammy wears loose clothing that hides her figure, and I never knew what a nice ass she had until one night when she dropped by...
At one time I'd fallen in love with fat Tami, then I'd fallen back out of it. When Tami's alien husband had joined the National Guard and left her homeless, I let her stay at my place. It was a bad thing for me, because it meant that I couldn't get laid; she was married, and her staying at my place kind of put the kibosh on my women chasing. Not that I ever caught any, although they seem to catch me. One time Felber's owner Mike asked me "where do you find all these women?" I spend a fortune in his bar, most of it on women I bring in there. "I don't," I told him. "They find me."
That sounds like a slashdot Soviet Russia joke, that everyone who has ever had an email account with poor spam filters knows is true: In Russia, girls email YOU! You've gotten those emails, and I almost fell for one once, years ago when I was freshly divorced and lonely. Nowdays I'm seldom lonely, and when I have a day to myself it's like a breath of fresh air.
Tami moving in was a blessing in disguise, as my retina detached and I had to undergo a vitrectomy. I don't know how I would have gotten through it without her. I found my self unwillingly and unwittingly falling in love. But she was married; it's against my principles to have sex with married women.
Everyone thought we were lovers anyway, and I think she encouraged it. Once we were in the bar and somebody said something to her about "your husband", meaning me, and she replied "Oh, he's not my husband, I just sleep with him!" It was a joke, but my face turned red anyway.
One afternoon I took Amy to Felber's for a few drinks, then later went back up there with Tami. Mike's wife Debbie, and another woman, Barb, said to Tami "better sleep with a rolling pin handy," thinking we were lovers and I was stepping out on her with Amy. The funny part was, before I took Amy up there she was in my bedroom with me while Tami was in the living room watching TV, and was pleased when I came back out with a smile on my face. I was going to take the two of them to the bar, but Tami hadn't wanted to go yet.
Then Tami found a boyfriend, and wound up moving in with him, and ultimately got divorced from the alien. But she still kept coming around, and everyone thought I was her boyfriend, or husband.
People still think Tami and I are lovers. Billie, who I confused in a previous journal with Kathy (they look a lot alike; blond hair about the same length, they're about the same height and weight, and both are a couple years younger than me but look older). It's Kathy that has Hepetitis C, not Billie. Anyway, I was in Felber's by myself one evening and Billie came and sat down next to me. "Where's Tami?" she asked.
"She's at her boyfriend's."
"I thought you were her boyfriend?"
After Tami got her divorce I wined and dined her, and she got in a big fight with the boyfriend and came to my house to drink and cry on my shoulder. The next morning I woke up to the sound of her stumbling through the house, still drunk, going to the bathroom. Then she got in bed with me -- and took off her pants. And I found that we were sexually incompatible. She has the tiniest vagina I ever put a body part in, and unfortunately for me my tool is a bit larger than average. I can't get the whole thing in her freakishly small hole.
So it didn't last, she got back together with the BF, but we're still very good friends. She still spends more time with me than her BF.
Then she introduced me to Tammy; actually, Tammy was giving her a ride and they stopped by to unsucessfully try to borrow money from me. Somehow the conversation tuned to religion, which must have turned Tammy on; she's a bible thumper and is now going to school to be a Sunday school teacher. Tammy and I talked about religion while "Lucy Furr" sat there steaming.
Then, one evening after I moved, Tammy showed up on my doorstep, and I started pursuing her as a prospective girl friend. She kept giving mixed signals, telling everyone that she was only interested in me as a friend, while telling me she was developing "feelings" for me. We started spending more time together and I continually blew Tami off to be wih her; she's got hers, I want one and Tammy seemed perfect.
One night Tammy came by and there was no more doubt as to her feelings for me. She seduced me, and it was great.
She had great problems with Tami though -- she thought we were lovers, and was jealous. Meanwhile, Tami's BF is jealous of me, and I certainly can't blame him, I sure wouldn't want MY girlfriend spending the night with some other guy.
You might think it strange that Tammy would seduce me, rather than the other way around, but that's me. I don't think I've ever seduced a women in my life no matter how hard I tried, but women seduce me instead. I finally found and answer in a science article that explained a lot about me and women. I have a hard time getting a steady girlfriend, but seldom have trouble getting laid. According to the article, women are attracted to low testosterone guys, except when they're in their fertile period. As they always seem to go on their period a day or two after I'm seduced, it's logical that I'm a high testosterone guy.
Which sucks. I want a steady girlfriend, one that's mine and mine alone. But I can only have other guys' girlfriends, and quite a few of the boyfriends want to see me dead. Stupid boyfriends, all they have to do to keep my dick out of their women is marry them.
Tammy had gotten swine flu last summer, and it seemed to start a chain of health problems, including needing gall bladder surgery. The drugs the doctor gave her made me think I'd gotten involved with a crazy women. That fits, you'd have to be crazy to want me; normal women don't want anything to do with me. She was sick all last weekend and I had the house to myself, except when she turned up to give me a can of coffee. I noticed then that every time I kiss her, her niples get hard. That doesn't happen with most women.
Tuesday she called me and was feeling good, and was happy. She'd gone to see her horse and did some horseback riding. "It was better than sex!" she exclaimed.
Damn. I'm jealous of her horse!
So last night Tami dropped by, we drank, and some time after I went to bed she had a phone conversation with her BF, and they broke up.
Just my damned luck.
Sorry... (Score:2)
This journal was produced by request of a fellow slashdotter yesterday in a comment, and I can't remember who it was. I fear it's not a good journal; the muse didn't strike so it's just hackwork.
Ahem... (Score:2)
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