Previously: Psycho Man Slayers
So, I made a move on Charlie, and, well, let's just say that I'm not very good at seduction. By "not very good" I mean I suck at it badly. I doubt I've ever seduced a woman in my life; every woman I ever had, they had their eye on me first. Maybe that's the way it works, I don't know.
She was gentle in her rejection.
The next day at work, the phone rang - it was "Julia". I hadn't seen her in quite a few months; she was at Farley's, where she'd been for the last few days looking for me. As I had money in my pocket I said "sure".
I was going to get laid!
When I got off work I dropped by there and ordered a beer. I didn't see Julia right away. She saw me first; she was sitting with Roger. She pulled me outside, and I propositioned her with the line that always works for me, at least with ladies like her: "You need twenty bucks?"
Yes, of course she needed twenty bucks. But Roger had bought a pizza and she was going there first and would call when they were done. I went home, stopping for a six pack of foreign beer on the way.
I bought foreign beer because there are no more American breweries; Anheiser Busch, the last American-owned brewery, was bought out a month or so ago. So I bought Busch, now as foreign as Guiness or Foster's.
I gave one to Charlie. "Um, can you be scarce for a while?" I asked her. "I have a young lady coming over..."
"Huh? Oh, sure", she replied.
"That is," I said," if it doesn't fall through. It always does."
"You ought to just hire a whore," she said. This was strange coming from Charlie - she hates prostitutes, as the hookers had bled Ralph dry and she was always running them off. "Just don't leave them alone".
"Or with anybody else" I said, remembering the way Star's friend Margaret had stolen the cash from my wallet. "But she is a hooker!"
"Damn it, Steve, I keep warning you," she said, "but you just don't listen!"
An hour later the phone rang; Julia would meet me at Roger's. I picked her up and started driving home, and she asked if I could buy her some kotex.
"Huh? You're on the rag? I thought we were going to..."
"Oh hell, I forgot you don't like blow jobs," she said.
"Damn!" I said. I dropped her off back at Farley's. "Try the gay bar next door" I said. "Surely somebody there wants sucked off." I drove home dejected, and told Charlie of my misery.
"Give me your phone," she said. "I know this girl named Rainbow."
"I thought you hated whores?"
"I do, but at least you'll quit hitting one me!"
Charlie's a damned good friend! I walked around with a smile on my face all day the next day, and part of it was because Rainbow didn't rip me off!
Next: Lightning Fast