Same situation 5 years ago. Kids and all. I got my salvation when she got a lover. She left everything and bailed cause the guy was loaded. That was the greatest thing ever for me (not at the time tho of course). I got my life back and realized how much i was missing. I was living again as to before i was controled from a to z. Like a puppet. A nice, docile puppet bringing home the bacon.
The minute she got dumped (guy realized she was f*cking nuts) she tried to get back to me. Yeahhhhh righhhttt!!! NEVER AGAIN!
Telling ya, the minute you realize what you are missing out there she's done.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.